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What I cant have
October 15, 1999
3:32 pm
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nissy
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My sister has just had a baby today - I cant have kids. I feel so confused

October 15, 1999
4:10 pm
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Sierra
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September 27, 2010
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Tell us why you are confused, Nissy. I don't understand. I, myself cannot have children so maybe I can help in some way.....I'll try, okay?

October 16, 1999
3:52 am
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xena
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Dear Nissy,

Your message really touched me due to its simplicity and honesty.

You are confused perhaps because on the one hand you are so happy for your sister and the miracle that has entered her life and on the other hand you can't ignore the envy you feel. In turn perhaps you feel guilt for feeling envious.

if this is the case then you are juggling a vast spectrum of emotions at the moment and perhaps grieving still for what you have lost; the chance to have children of your own. This must be the most painful acknowledgemnt, I just cannot contemplate the devastation you must feel.

How would it be for you to verbalise your feelings to your sister? Do you have a close relationship? Perhaps there are a lot of unsaid feelings flying around and your sister may well be feeling guilty too. It mayhelp to be open with eachother so that there are no mislplaced feelings.

I hope this has helped a little.

Let us know how you feel.

Love Xena

October 18, 1999
12:05 am
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bella-c
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dear Nissy - I am so sorry that you are unable to have children. Emotions often lead us to confusion. I would attempt to identify each of your emotions and then begin processing each of those feelings...I think that if you can begin to heal yourself, when your sisters child comes you will be able to share her joy and in turn find your own joy. I also just want to mention that I do have children, but my sister in law can not. They have had three miscarriges and it is devastating to all of us. I often feel guilty that I have children and they do not. I do believe however that there are many children who need them and if they were to have a biological child, an adopted child may never have had the chance they could give him/her... so I believe that you CAN still have a child - maybe one that needs you more than you think. God bless you

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