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What does love feel like?
October 9, 1999
7:26 pm
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Anonymous
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I am not sure whether i truly love my husband therefore I would love to hear from others their own dillemmas, confirmations, questions, assumptions and conclusions all relation to the age of question of love.
Blessings!

October 9, 1999
7:27 pm
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Anonymous
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I remember some words from Daphney Dumauriers romantic "Frenchmans creek" which I am almost finished reading, he was "mind of my mind, heart of my heart"

October 9, 1999
8:10 pm
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Jaskid
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Tears,

Sometimes I think love in uncomprehendible... The bible says love is patient, love is kind, it suffers long,and is not puffed up, does not behave unseemly, seeks not its own, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices not in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; Bears all things, believes all things,hopes all things and endures all things....Now this is perfect love...but I really think only God is perfect and we will not be until we are in the presence of his perfection. Though our spirit is growing and learning everyday and longing for that true love, it is battling with our flesh, which is weak. Oh if only you and I could have this love with our partners... We want it...but can anyone really have it? We can strive for it and it will definitely make our lives more peaceful and joyful. I know first it must start in us and once we start to grasp that inner love for ourselves then I think maybe we can get a taste of LOVE, the way God intended it.

I have begun to realize that my innerself is the most painful and important search of all. I can't point the finger at any one or thing for my discomfort or unhappiness. Man this really sucks to come to grips with. It really is fun to realize I am the cause in everything. I have a choice and I am the only person I can change. Maybe if do not let my pain stop me from looking at myself in a true and honest light I will be able to more fully understand what love is. You'd think by now at 30yrs I would have learned from all of life's lessons.

Jaskid

October 9, 1999
8:13 pm
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Jaskid
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I meant it really ISN'T fun!

October 9, 1999
8:59 pm
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KTHOMAS
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Wow Jaskid...you said some great stuff...really hit home for me. My flesh has always been my enemy...but once we realize that in our weakest moments, GOD is able to come in and do his mightiest work in us....then maybe we can face our pain and hurts with the faith that he is there, like a mother holding her arms out to the toddler taking her first steps...encouraging all the way. 🙂

And hey...I just turned 41 last month and I feel as if I am just beginning to grasp life's lessons. I do believe that we will be learning untill we are home with our Lord.

October 9, 1999
10:47 pm
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everblue
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Tears,

I'm a little too cynical at the moment to cherish this quotation the way I used to, but I remember it describing love for me perfectly at one point in my life:

"Don't ever kid yourself about loving someone. It is just that most people are not lucky enough ever to have it. You never had it before and now you have it. What you have...whether it lasts just through today and a part of tomorrow, or whether it lasts for a long life is the most important thing that can happen to a human being. There will always be people who say it does not exist because they cannot have it. But I tell you it is true and that you have it and that you are lucky even if you die tomorrow."

-Ernest Hemingway For Whom the Bell Tolls

It has taken me a long time to realize that just because something didn't work out, doesn't mean it wasn't real love, at least for a time. Feelings shouldn't be devalued because they didn't end in a 50-year marriage. Anyway I think that you truly know it's love when you can agree heart and soul with the above words. Sadly, even if you can, things don't always go the way you hope in a relationship. I hope this helps at least a little. The words are even better when put into context, if you haven't read the book already. 🙂 Be happy Tears.

October 10, 1999
2:04 pm
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Anonymous
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everblue that is a wonderful contribution, thankyou. It really made me think. Bless you.

October 11, 1999
1:43 pm
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J. C.
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A woman at work told me a story about this wedding she went to. One of the groomsmen threw up all over the place in the middle of the ceremony making the perfect wedding imperfect. The priest was the one to take it all in stride and add to his speech to the bride and groom that, "it's okay, because that is exactly how life is. Nothing is perfect and when something you don't plan comes along you just have to deal with it." Learning to deal with catastrophy and unexpected or unplanned events in life together as a couple or a team is what love is all about. Sometimes harder for some people than others. Your husband...how do you feel about him? Do you want him to have everything in life that he wants? Do you wish for him to succeed as much as yourself? Are you happpy for him and his accomplishments?

"Love is patient and kind;
Love is not jealous or conceited;
Love is not proud or selfish;
Love is not irritable;
Love does not hold a grudge;
Love is not happy with evil;
Love is happy with the truth;
Love never gives up;
It's faith, hope and patience never fail."

(1Cor.13,4-7)

~JC

October 11, 1999
4:18 pm
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Brittainy
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Love is hard to receive for me, but I'm able to give so much love to others. I get lonely at times, but it really helps to talk to others who feel the same way. Take care all of you.

October 12, 1999
4:35 pm
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curiousP
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I am not going to lie and say that its really easy to know what love is. Because the truth is, its really really hard. Sometimes you have it staring right at you and you still try to push it away. I think thats the problem with me. I wish i weren't like this....but sometimes i think its easier to push away than accept. I have trust issues and thats the reason i have problems with all kinds of relationships. I just want to know if everyone has trust issues too

October 12, 1999
5:06 pm
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CuriousP. Gerard Jampolsky said that "Love is letting go of fear". Distrusting someone is harbouring the fear that the 'distrusted one' will hurt you in some way; it is the poison that kills (Phileo type)love.

October 12, 1999
7:05 pm
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Anonymous
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so true..fear is like a big vacuum in your life..it sucks in all the good things and sits flat in the middle of your floor of life, leaving no room for anything good to come in.

October 12, 1999
10:35 pm
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LiHo
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When questioning "LOVE", don't concentrate too much on how you feel about a person, but, how does that person make you feel about yourself.

My husband is not perfect and neither am I. There are things we do that annoy each other. However, he is the one person in all the world that can make me feel like I am the "smartest, most beautiful, sexy" woman on the face of the earth, just by the way her treats me or the things he says to me. Miss America could walk in the room, and I wouln't feel threatened one bit (even though I'm 36).

So that's my advice to you, how does he make you feel about yourself?

October 12, 1999
11:26 pm
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T
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Wow! I have had some trust issues and I have been feeling "am i really in love?" What LiHo was saying really hit home with me. How does he make me feel. Well lately not real good. He is so stressed out on bills and everything that he pays no attention to me anymore and my feelings. We don't have sex anymore, it really has just gone down hill. WHAT DO I DO?

October 13, 1999
1:21 am
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Anonymous
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right on liho, thanks for the contribution and true beauty is within the soul any way, so aging does not affect that only makes it better.

October 13, 1999
6:21 pm
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T. What should you do? What does your intuition tell you to do about it? What does your head think about your intuition's solution? Do they agree?

October 14, 1999
1:32 pm
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Cici
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I always felt that love is the ultimate form of forgiveness.

When you look at someone (parents, friends, lovers) you see a human being, complete with neuroses and hang-ups. When you can look at them and see the beauty inside them, you love them. When they make a mistake and you forgive them completely and unconditionally, you love them.

Also, how about Joni Mitchell's "A Case of You" :

"I remember the time you told me
love is touching souls -
Surely you touched mine.
Part of you
pours out of me
in these lines from time to time.

I could drink a case of you
and I would still be on my feet..."

October 14, 1999
6:21 pm
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Cici.

I wonder if St Vincent De Paul felt feelings of revulsion as he performed his acts of love in picking up the filthy, vomit and excreta soaked old derelicts from the gutters of last century France?

Could Joni Mitchell 'drink a case' of this type of love? I wonder? Or did the 'case'contain a more sensually orientated, self-centred 'wine'?

October 15, 1999
10:40 am
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Cici
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Tez -

I disagree with the term "self-centered wine." I think Joni Mitchell, trite as some may seem to see her work, was referring to the tendency, when in love, to be able to tolerate the entirety of someone, tip to toes; to tolerate the entirety of their intellect, their opinions, however wrong they might seem to you. She's saying love is when you can not only tolerate those things, but imbibe and absorb them completely.

In most Asian languages there are several words for love: the love for one's parents, for one's siblings, for one's country, for oneself...I feel that you are trying to compare apples and oranges when you compare St. Vincent de Paul and his love of the ill, the wretched and the hopeless with the romantic love that is not necessarily selfish, but on a more personal basis.

I mean, if you say that personal love of a lover is selfish...I don't know what to respond to that sentiment. It is out of my frame of reference. I always though the love of a lover is unselfish because you give the entirety of yourself, your weaknesses and strengths, to another.

Of course de Paul felt no revulsion. Then, of course, according to my own definition, he wouldn't have loved those people.

Love, I should qualify, is more than tolerance. It's complete acceptance, to the point that you see the beauty of the spirit, not the wretchedness of the flesh.

October 15, 1999
12:36 pm
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wow Cici, im impressed! I was waiting to see how you would respond to that. You are a sensitive and emotional woman and you have a true warm heart. God bless you. Tez, being "in love" with the opposite sex has many aspects. It is a subjective thing for sure, but the true soul love where you accept and love that person without question and encourage their spiritual and mental growth is a deeper love.
Knowledge of love is not something one can understand if one has not experienced it. There are many levels of love. It is not a static thing. Sometimes we "love" another because we need them and it is indeed more selfish than not. Sometimes we love another because we accept and respect them and want only the best for them, being fulfilled enough ourselves to be able to do this. This is why i always speak of the need to fill ones own soul with self love and respect before you can TRULY love another unconditionally...ahhh but here we are talking about the title of this thread. What does love feel like.
You see, my brother has hepc and aids, and I have exposed myself to these deadly deseases out of love for him. I have touched him and held him, while i gazed at the purple track marks on his arms and smelt the stench of a sweating, unwashed and body. I have stroked his unwashed hair and kissed his hollow cheek. All of which may have been repulsive to another that did not have unconditional love in their heart....
Love is a beautiful thing, when you have transcended the ego self and operate from the soul self....you begin to see EVERYONE, no matter what they look like, talk like, act like or wear...with the divine light of god and beauty inside of them. When you look only at this and not the distractions of defences, walls or other..you bring just that out in that person. Its called unconditional love and it is the greatest healer, bonder and the greatest joy for ALL involved.
blessings

October 15, 1999
11:23 pm
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Cici.

Talking of a characteristic of love of a partner, you said "...to tolerate the entirety of their intellect, their opinions, however wrong they might seem to you."
Yes, we 'tolerate'; but is it not tolerance in order that we might have our security needs met? Or is there a spiritual dimension to this that transcends physical security? Is it that, in true love, there is nothing being 'seen' that needs tolerating? I wonder?

You said, "...not the wretchedness of the flesh." What has the "flesh" dode that it deserves to be called "wretched"? After all it is but a vehicle and a house in which we travel and live. It has served us well; I would have thought. Not many of us like leaving it until it is well beyond physical redemption. 🙂

October 15, 1999
11:33 pm
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Tears.

I can't help but feel that now you are talking about and describing what 'real' love feels like.

You talked about feelings of joy. I am sure that there will also be feelings of sorrow and sadness at the loss of what might have been. We can't have one without the other. Both experiences are a part of our deeply spiritual nature.

What does everyone else think?

October 16, 1999
12:19 am
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kitten
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I do know there exists different areas on the tongue corresponding to different flavors, i.e., sweet, sour, salty, etc. Without all of these areas developed we can not truly appreciate the sensuality of flavor in food. with them, we savor and relish each little tidbit that passes our lips. Is this not what life is, too? When we grimace from too much tartness for too long, we notice the intensity of sudden sweetness. And if we only allow that sour to cross those lips we begin to tolerate it, forgetting about the sweet. Conversly, if we take in only the sweet, even that which has the mildest tartness to it is unbearable. Think about that the next time you eat your favorite food--what makes it the favorite?

October 16, 1999
3:40 am
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xena
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Dear Tears,

Well I have heard a few quotes and thought...mmmmmm and I have learnt some theory and thought.......ok....and I have labelled myself as 'in love' several times, (according to the book!) and yet now I don't have any answers to your question!!!

My feeling is that as corny as it sounds, as I gradually form a relationship with myself, one of acceptance, I am open to receiving the same from others, and in my own self discovery I step ever closer to discovering a soul mate.

'Love' is a scary prospect and sometimes it implies a sacrificing of oneself to another. I feel strongly that for me this must never be the case for once I am lost in someone it is difficult to find my way home!

However, due to my increasing self worth and self discovery, I no longer need to protect myself against love as if it were the enemy! I have no idea how it will infiltrate my body, or how I will feel when I find it for real, if ever, but I am glad to say that I HAVE found a love for myself which I once thought was never possible. The best kind of love!

October 17, 1999
7:15 pm
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Kitten.

Your food analogy is an interesting one. You seem to be saying that life offers a whole spectrum of feeling provoking experiences;preoccupation with obtaining only one feeling comes at the cost of missing out on all the others.

If I understand you correctly, you are implying that all feelings are valuable along both the pleasure/pain and joy/sorrow continuums; none should be devalued.

I am of the opinion that in suppressing negative feelings we inadvertantly suppress the positive feelings as well. The result is a bland life similar to that experienced whilst on Prozac and similar suppressants.

Am I interpreting you correctly?

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