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What do you tell someone when there daughter has cancer?
October 21, 2006
9:37 pm
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chinita
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My boyfriend or whatever you want to call him just told me his 6 year old daughter has been diagnosed of cancer. It's sad and hard to even comfort someone that's going threw something like that. So what do I say or do???

October 21, 2006
9:53 pm
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revelation
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You be genuine and supportive and say what is in your heart to say, as I don't know either of you it would be difficult to choose words for you to say as they'd sound false if they were not what how you felt...I don't understand what you mean by "boyfriend or whatever you want to call him"

October 21, 2006
10:01 pm
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Notsure
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This is a terrible dilemna.

I think that you need to clarify your relationship as that will determine both at what level and what kind of support you should provide.

You will be supportive, but it is an issue of the appropriate support as definded by the relationship.

Give too much, the wrong type and/or even the right type, at the wrong time and you could create future difficulties and/or dependencies (by either of you) for each other.

Regards. Notsure

October 22, 2006
3:13 am
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ACryForHelp
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One of my father's employees is going though the same thing... and so has my family...

I am terribly sorry to hear that she is only 6...

*HUG*

What does she have? (If you don't mind me asking?)

My Aunt died of a brain tumor and at the time of diagnosis found out that she was also pregnant!

She and my uncle (her husband, she was my Blood Relative) had to choose between the POSSIBILITY of extending her life by aborting the baby or keeping the baby and hoping that she made it full term… They choose to abort the baby but she still lost her fight…

I was only 7 when she died so I don’t remember too much but I have heard my father talking to the employee and so I will tell you what he told him:

”Man… there is nothing I can do to help the situation or make you feel better. I wish you the best of luck with your child’s fight (the son is 30+ years old) but I can only tell you to hold tight. This is a shitty time for you and your family and considering what he has (Tumors all throughout his body) there is little chance of him making it so be prepared for the worst but keep praying for the best and don’t be afraid to accept the support of your friends and family. I lost my sister so I know exactly what you are going though so if you EVER need anyone to talk to don’t hesitate to call! Your job here is secure because work is the VERY LAST thing for you to worry about! This is a HORRIBLE thing… Don’t keep it all bottled up inside! That is the worst thing you can do! PLEASE call me if you need ANY help or support!”

Unfortunately there is nothing much else to say…

Our employee’s first wife is the mother but the new wife raised him half his life. Now both wife’s are living in the same house to be near the son and it is just a HORRIBLE situation between the kid’s issues and the wives living together…

A friend of mine died of cancer too… He thought his first surgery got everything but within a year and a half they had come back and he was dead… It spread to his brain and he was TOTALLY out of it before he died…

I’m not saying that your boyfriend’s child will die but be prepared for the worst and remember that SHE, HIM, OR YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Tell him that!

There are organizations that the two of you can join for support! The hospital will probably be able to direct you to them.

Oh, and if she undergoes Kimo or radiation then GET HIM TO GET HER MARIJUANA!

It may be illegal but it is the best thing to do for her… Either have him blow the smoke into her face a half an hour before treatment or bake it into cookies, brownies, exc.

My father says that the best thing he ever did was to go out and get weed for my aunt while she was under treatment! It was HORRIBLE and the marijuana was the only thing that kept her willing to continue the treatment!

And if you/he/she gets caught then the state will have to pay for her treatment so no one loses!

If you haven’t had something like this happen to someone you know then, for the love of god, don’t tell him you “Know how he feels” because it will backfire. Just be there for him… hold him when he cries or when he reaches the end of his rope but is too “Macho” to cry!

Get your church to pray for her if you go to one. Show him this sight so he can vent to others that know his pain… there are many routs to take…

Just being there for him will be more of a help then you can comprehend…

Oh, and if he is having financial issues then research Medicaid, grants, org’s, programs exc. that could help him with the costs…

If nothing else then PLEASE just hug him and her for me and tell them that my whole family and all of my friends are keeping them in our hearts and wish them the best of luck!

*HUG*

You will ALL get through this… It’s shitty and horrible and not fair at all but everything will work out in the end… The odd’s are on your side!

Don’t forget the marijuana! I MEAN IT! IT COULD MEAN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH!

October 22, 2006
3:17 am
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ACryForHelp
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P.S. In responce to the other post's it doesn't matter what THEIR relationship is like...

That is on the back burrner until the child is either better or not...

The girlfriend and his relationship with her is the LAST thing that he should be worried about...

You can call that selfish or whatever but this is his CHILD!

The girlfriend or whatever is of no importance in the light of what the child is going through...

If she "dumps' him now then he has every right to blame her...

If HE "dumps" her then it is becasue of the stress and that he knows that he won't give her the attention she desirves...

This is a no win situation...

But take a step back and remember that this is his CHILD'S LIFE ON THE LINE HERE!

No one and nothing has more importance to him then his child!

October 22, 2006
11:03 am
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revelation
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Acryforehelp...in response to YOUR post, actually it does matter what their relationship is like.

This mans daughter has just been diagnosed with cancer, what a terrible terrible thing for both he and his daughter to go through...the only way I can offer good advice to chinita is to put myself in her shoes...I feel I cannot give her good and sound advice unless I can be empathic...as chinita has posted not about her daughter but about her lover/acquaintances daughter, I must therefore try to get some clarification on her relationship with this man and his daughter, before I can put myself in her shoes.

If its a casual relationship for example, and I tell chinita I think she should be very supportive and be there for him as much as possible and then she follows my advice, this man may find her behaviour intrusive...then my advice will only serve to not only cause someone who is going through a great deal already to suffer more...it may also ruin a blossoming relationship...the same goes, if it is the other way around and chinita's relationship with this man is quite close and I say to her "Give him some space and some time, tell him how sorry you are for whats happening and then keep your distance telling him to call whenever he needs to" then this man may thingk he's being abandoned by chinita...and again, my advuice would have and advers effect.

I did not like the accusatory tone of your post...you seemed to insinuate that myself and notsure where being uncaring about a child who has cancer...how dare you. In this situation, I care about chinita, her man and the child...and am trying to give the best advice possible.

Rev.

October 22, 2006
12:31 pm
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cyndra820
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Chinita,

Be honest. Tell him that you don't know what to say at a time like this. Tell him you are very sorry this happened. Then offer what you can, encouragement, to cook, to run errands. Do what you know you can and are willing to do. Extend yourself without overextending yourself.

I had a co-worker who had cancer that matastesized. I make cookies and I learned to cook Persian dishes she and her family could eat. I listened to her cry when she just needed to cry but didn't want to burden anyone. I did what I could because there wasn't anything else I could do.

Give and do what you can.

Regards,
Cyndra

October 22, 2006
2:22 pm
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atalose
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Talk to him from your heart, say what you are feeling about all this. If you don't know what to say, tell him that.
As far as how much support and energy you want to give him, that's up to you.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 22, 2006
2:44 pm
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chinita
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Want to Thank ALL of YOU for your support!!!

I really appreciate it! I really do.

Ok here's some info on US and so you all can get a feel on us. I grew up with him haven't seen him for about maybe 15yrs. so we decided to start seeing each other. We were kinda rocky because of my own issues. But I have to love the guy because NO matter what is going on in my life he has been soooooooooo supportive.

I went to him and I let him vent cry and all and man I think it brought us closer friendship wise relationship wise it really feels good that excepted my comfort. He's doing alot better today. I told him he has to plan a trip to go see her (she's out of state)

THANK YOU ALL!!!
(((Cyndra, Rev, Cry, and NotSure)))

October 22, 2006
2:52 pm
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chinita
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Hey atalose thanks! 🙂 🙂

I did I was more like a shoulder to lean on and I gave some advice but was real careful on how I said it. It all worked out fine.

Thanks

October 22, 2006
2:57 pm
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atalose
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I'm glad it's working out, maybe now it's your turn to be soooo supportive. So often it's these difficult times in life that bring people even closer to together. I do hope things work out for his little girl, she will be in my prayers.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 22, 2006
9:30 pm
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revelation
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You know, guys don't cry in front of just anyone...he must really trust you if he was able to cry about such a personal matter. I'm so glad you are there for him, and I really really hope his little girl gets through this.

Rev.

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