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what do you call someone that lies
September 24, 2009
4:29 am
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darkeyes
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hi i had fallen for a guy, now i realized he has lied to me about everything he said,, he must have been having a great laugh at my expence all the time. WHY?? he felt he had to lie to me il never know, now i know why he couldnt speak with me, or look at me. why do people need to lie? what does it say about them as human beings, im not talking about bending the truth a little so someone dont get hurt, but to hate someone enough to do so when their at their most vulnerable.. my god il never trust again. and actions speaking louder than words is the only way you know people are not lying...i feel as if i am nothing again, help.

September 24, 2009
7:55 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Darkeyes, you have been down this road. Quit beating yourself up. Quit beating him up. In truth, any relationship you had with him was one you built in your mind. Yes, he probably did screw with your emotions, and that was a shitty thing for him to do, but he always told you there could be no relationship. You have got to quit doing this to yourself. Some people are pathological liars. Now you know. There is a story about a frog and a scorpion. The scorpion begs the frog to carry him across the river. The frog refuses, saying you will kill me. The scorpion says no I won't. Why would I sting you and kill you? I would drown. Finally the frog allows the scorpion to crawl on his back and half way across the river, the scorpion stings the frog. In shock the frog asks Why did you do that? The scorpion replys: I am a scorpion it is what I do.

Wishing you all the best {{{{{{darkeyes}}}}}}

Bitsy

September 24, 2009
8:19 am
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darkeyes
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bitsy your right, but you know all i wanted was for someone to say you poor thing this should never have happened, advise is great most of the time but i think sometimes its ok for someone to acknowledge that we are in pain, no matter how things are....thank you pet.....

September 24, 2009
8:40 am
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Darkeyes, you are right. This never should have happened to you. In a perfect world we can accept people at face value. We don't live in a perfect world. Right now you are having what is known as a Pity Party. I indulge in them sometimes myself. I may be on here tomorrow having a giant one myself. Feeling oh so sorry for myself and wondering will I ever be loved. What did I do to deserve the life I have, etc. What I sometimes do is set the timer on my microwave. I get to have a pitty party for as long as I have the timer set. I cry, I rage, I feel good and sorry for myself. When the timer beeps I tell myself I have to suck it up and deal. I have to get through the rest of the day.
I can't remember if you are seeing a therapist or going to any kind of meeting and I don't know what your faith situation is, but I have found help at something called Celebrate Recovery and have written about it on the other side.

Sweetie, you can't keep doing this to yourself. It is just like all the times before when I came on here and posted abouut R. Eventually you will come through it to the other side. I sometimes thought I would die from a broken heart. But I didn't and you won't either. Am I holding myself up as the end all by all? Hell no. Sometimes it was the ones who posted what I thought were the harshest posts or just plain mean posts that helped me the most.

Let's think about this for a moment. This man wants to have a sex change operation to become a woman? Now transgender and transvestites aside, do you honestly think he was the best candidate for a relationship? He is confused himself. He couldn't help lying to you and I am sure on some level it fed his ego. Once again, shitty thing for him to do.

Now is the time for you to be completely selfish and worry about you. Think of it as real estate. You are a house at the beach. It is only 1,000 square feet and you have to make the best use of the space. At $500 at sf how much of that floor space (you) are you willing to let him occupy rent free?

I know you think I am being harsh, but every now and then that is what is called for. Now buck it up. Go get a manicure or a pedicure or better yet, a full massage. Take a bubble bath. Be decadent and drink champagne all day ( of course it will give you the mother of all headaches) but you are being selfish today. Take care of YOU and let the chips fall where they may with him. Is he really worth it???? Hell NO!!!! And believe me I have burned up these boards talking about R and how much he hurt me. He stole my sexiness away from me and I still haven't gotten it back. I was so open and affectionate with him. I dressed provacatively just for him. I did all sorts of things just for him. Things that right now I can't ever see myself doing again. But I am a survivor and so are you.

Bitsy

September 24, 2009
8:53 am
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caraway
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darkeyes,

"you poor thing this should never have happened"

Sorry.

Cary

September 24, 2009
9:06 am
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darkeyes
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im sick of surviving, i suffered heart failure a yr ago hospital couldnt find anything medically wrong with me and did every test under the sun..no explaination for it. im not even sure now hes transgender. why lie, he actually broke my heart.. he said to me in all this time my intention always was to hurt him.. even for me to know that has destroyed something in me, my god what does he think i am and i had no relationship with him....thanks cary, al this has opened the flood gates in me....

September 24, 2009
9:25 am
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darkeyes
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bastards the lot of them. and we destroy ourselfs in the name of love, you can keep this love. healthy i dont think there one person on this planet thats healthy... this r guy bitsy your well rid of.. ive a pain in my heart and nothing right now could ever take that a way...

September 24, 2009
9:38 am
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atalose
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darkeyes,

This world is filled with mean spirited, un-caring, lying, and manipulative selfish people with their own issues that become toxic to anyone in their lives. It’s unfortunate that not only did you befriend but fell in love with one of them.

It hurts and it’s pretty crappy but so is holding on to all of this (HIM) in your every thought allowing him to still rule your emotions which then are ruling your life. You say you feel nothing again, you’ll never trust again as if you are giving up just because of this one sick individual constantly being in your every thought.

You can remain his victim or not that is your choice or you can become a true survivor once and for all and let go of him.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

September 24, 2009
9:50 am
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Dark Eyes. I came through a pretty shitty childhood. My mother was an alcoholic and on top of that she was just plain old crazy. Sme bad things happened to me in school growing up. My father used to give me this little pep talk. "Grow from this, learn from this, let it make you a stronger and better person." I would get mad and ask when was I going to be strong enough? When was I going to be good enough? The past couple of years have been financially and emotionally hard on me. I have raged against the injustice in my life. "Am I strong enough now? Hello (insert deity of choice) Am I good enough now? Why the hell are you letting this happen to me?"

So yes, I do understand your feelings of being tired of just surviving. I am tired of just surviving. I am ready to THRIVE!!!!

I REALLY DO UNDERSTAND!!!! I am being tough on you because sometimes tough love is what is called for. Tell yourself not only are you going to survive this; you are going to THRIVE!!!!! You!!!! You Darkeyes have it within you. I am serious. Do something just for you today. Sit in the sun, read a book, call in sick to work (it is called a Mental Health Day). Take care of YOU!!!!!

I really am not trying to hurt you more. I am trying to help you see as Dorothy learned at the end of the Wizard of Oz...you have the power in you. You are YOU. Enjoy you, thrive. Don't let the Bastards get you down.

(and I am now saying this as much to myself as to you.) If you can see that I am better off without R why can't you see that you are better off without "Him". Pretend for a moment you are me and I am you. What advice would you (me) give me (you)?

Bitsy

September 24, 2009
9:52 am
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darkeyes
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im chooseing to let him go.. i just feel stupid for allowing this to happen.... but i know now why i hung in there, was i didnt have all the pieces, nothing fitted, and i just had to put the pieces of the story together to get the whole picture, next time i might get there faster,, live and learn.... and emotions are coming up in me im finally able to acknowledge, feel them let them pass through me, to finally let them go.... thank you all so very much for acknowledgin them, think im after finding some healthy people,, what a rolercoaster!!!!!!!!!!!1

September 24, 2009
9:56 am
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darkeyes
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bitsy id give me all the advise you gave me pet. (((hugs)))

September 24, 2009
10:06 am
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See? I knew you would. Acknowledge those feeling. Enjoy them and wallow in them for about 5 minutes. You might try reading It's Called a Break-Up Because It Is Broken by the Sex and the City guy and his wife. I can remember sitting in the bathtub bawling my eyes out and the next minute cracking up laughing. Two quotes from the book:

Even with all the mayonaise in the world you cannot make chicken salad from chicken shit.

You rock. You are a total babe. And what's a babe like you doing with a jerk like him?

Bitsy

September 24, 2009
10:07 am
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Oh, and to answer your original question about what do you call someone that lies?

A LIAR!!!!

Bitsy

September 24, 2009
10:16 am
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darkeyes
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thanks bitsy..... will search for that book.. need to get fun and laughter back in my life...at coffeehouse anam cara said awhile back "oh what id give for ten toes, said long john silver"... love to all.

September 25, 2009
11:42 am
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caraway
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darkeyes,

Try to think back to other times in life when you thought you would make it and did..... everything heals with time. Just make a decision that he isn't worth this misery and let it go.

Take a big deep breath and as you release it, release him and the anger and hurt. Say something like, "I release you and the hurt you have caused freely and with love." The Universe is bigger than your heart and mind and will take this worry gladly.

Peace,

Cary

September 26, 2009
7:09 am
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darkeyes
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thanks cary..healing from all this will come.. i know i have pain and hurt right now but time will heal that, now i know i have choices i will move on just got to go through the emotions that come with it... ive neven known i had some of these feelings, anger isnt one i care for cos it can be the most destrutive for me and anyone around me,. all t he emotions now come and rest in my being until i reconize it, name it and let it pass, so i know without doubt im starting to heal...((hugs))

September 26, 2009
3:51 pm
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bonni
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