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What do WOMEN want REALLY ????
August 7, 2007
9:02 am
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jasminum sambac
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(Grin) wasabi, keep blowing off steam...I keep thinking about things..."oh, and what about."

Hehehe, here's one: what about the empty cartons in the refrigerator or empty containers in the cabinet???

I can NOT understand why a man empties a milk carton and puts it back in the refrigerator, or finishes a box of cereal and sticks it back on the shelf, for someone else needing milk or cereal to "Hello! What's this?" have to FIND it and OPEN it to find that it's empty. "Hello?? OK, we're out of milk"

Most of the men I've been around don't do that, but it's ONLY men, so far in my life who stick an empty carton away again. What is that??? It takes as much energy to open that refrigerator door as it does to dump the darn carton in the trash.

Is there any man out there who can explain this?

(And you can talk about women filling up the shared space with little bottles of things, and hanging doodads all over the house...yes we've got our thingies, too) 🙂

But give me a pretty solid in himself, reasonably happy empty carton in the refrigerator parker, and we'll work it out...

August 7, 2007
9:08 am
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wasabi
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Ok leaves the chip bag or cereal open .... then Bi*&^ that is't stail! duh!
or just walk away after a meal & leave a mess on the table or in the den & they complain what a mess the hiuse is! it's not a reastrant you could clear your plate & rinse it off in the sink !!!!
PLEASE!!!!!

August 7, 2007
9:22 am
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jasminum sambac
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wasabi, there's power in that shorts event your husband went through the other day, finding himself without clean underwear, hollering at you about it, and you letting him work it out himself.

With this domestic stuff, it's one thing at a time. You can work on the inequities, by deciding what you will do different, then doing it. It can be a long haul, though.

Yeah, just getting up from the table and walking away from the dishes, or walking out on a mess, but criticizing the state of the house is depressing to see.

That's what my father used to do to my mother, nightly. I don't think I ever heard her really require him to do anything else, though, beyond a couple or three times that he washed the dishes at night and make a Big Production out of it, like he was being asked to do an heroic task way beyond his powers. She was definitely from an upbringing that said the man was the king in the house...heavily acculturated to it...and resented the hell out of it without drawing any lines about things having to change. He would have been a tough case, but some of what he was getting away with, she was doing voluntarily.

It's one thing at a time, getting a domestic partner to change, though, whether it's your kid or your spouse.

Good luck! 🙂 I'll check back in. I don't think all the philosophers, Buddha and Jesus working together would work out a solution everybody would accept to whether the toilet paper roll should unwind over the top or from the bottom, though... aren't we humans a piece?

What I DON'T recommend you do is take vengeance via the housework 🙂 I heard of a woman so very P.O.ed about the kind of thing you're talking about that she sewed all the buttonholes shut on her husband's shirts.

Not a recipe for marital bliss.

August 7, 2007
9:45 am
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SadMike
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Well, my persistent bad mood has been made no better by reading these diatribes.

Since the reining idea is men don't "get it," don't "understand it" and have nothing more substantial in life to ponder and do other than want sex perhaps the world would be a better place if we all just disappeared from the earth.

Don't you think we want and need love and attention as well? Don't you think that we will not sacrifice our lives for those that we love? Don't you believe that in the end, regardless of all our inconsistencies and annoyances, that we will take care of that which we need to take care? Are we not worthy of your love and care just because we do silly things in your eyes?

As far as milk cartons go, I myself have never put an empty carton back in the fridge nor thrown and empty box of cereal back on the shelf; I resent the blanket statement that all men are created equal.

And free - this man gets it and always has! I've made my share of mistakes, but this man gets it! I was married for almost ten years and my ex-wife never had to worry about milk cartons, a man who didn't know how to do laundry, clean house, cook and everything else that some traditionalist would ascribe to a woman and was still willing to go to work every day and work hard to make a life and care for the woman he loved. Nor, when she was going through some very difficult times with her body in her reproductive area, did she have to contend with a guy wanting something that wasn't possible nor did she ever and I repeat EVER have to worry about someone that wasn't willing to be there when she needed and be away when she needed; I never prevented her from having her own space.

But where did that get me? She left me for someone else that wanted to abuse her and use her and didn't really care about her.

In the end, she didn't give the same back to me, it was all one-sided.

If there is anyone that doesn't get it, it's me.

August 7, 2007
10:12 am
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jasminum sambac
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Hi, Sad Mike

I don't think that's what's going on in this thread for me...for me wasabi started a thread to blow off steam about domestic things...I certainly don't generalize from things like empty cartons or things being left on the floor that "men don't get it" That's 'way too big a conclusion from irritations that (some) guys traipse on through domestic sharing, letting the other adult in their house clean up the inconvenient messes.

Like I said in my last post, I KNOW that there are things that some women do in the home that must set their partner's hair on fire with irritation. 🙂 And I did qualify that "most of the men I know" don't do the milk carton thing. So no I didn't make blanket statement. I realize that you may be responding to the whole thread, however, not just my last post.

I think there are domestic irritations on both sides of the partnership, always, no matter how good or bad the relation is. I've been wondering where the men are in this thread, which I read as created to blow off a little steam, mostly. Gee, maybe men don't LIKE taking out the garbage; why is it too often the guy's task? Etc.

What came through loud and clear, and I want to give you an online ((( ))) for it is:

" Don't you think we want and need love and attention as well? Don't you think that we will not sacrifice our lives for those that we love? " And then I REALLY liked your giving witness to the integrity of your actions on your side of your marriage. (( )) for that.

Here's the REAL bottom line, that goes both ways, just substitute "he" for "she", and "she" for "he"...that, I think is the serious issue under it all in this thread

"In the end, she didn't give the same back to me, it was all one-sided."

"In the end, he didn't give the same back to me, it was all one-sided"

🙂 Thanks, SadMike.

So you're one of my "most men I know" who don't put empty cartons back in the refrigerator, and can't explain why empty cartons go back in 🙂

I've been wanting to do that (( )) to you for awhile. Aha, found a way...

You've got a lot of integrity.

August 7, 2007
10:40 am
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SadMike
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Thank you Jasmin.

I did need that. 🙂

I don't mind doing all that I need to do in a relationship/partnership/marriage. And since I'm more than capable of doing everything it doesn't bother me, trash included.

I just am tired of hearing either that woman pick those men who aren't reliable or capable or they "tire" of those that are because they're "boring;" we can't always be "perfect" all the time - we get lazy and complacent - it's part of the human condition.

No one is perfect and we all have our imperfections; God knows I have mine. I would just like to be loved and cared for in spite of my imperfections.

Thank you again 🙂

August 7, 2007
10:56 am
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jasminum sambac
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You're welcome 🙂

August 7, 2007
11:01 am
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SadMike
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I think most of all I want what the song by Foreigner proclaims:

I want to know what love is.

August 7, 2007
2:21 pm
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free
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Hi Sad Mike: Last thing I want is for men to disappear from earth- I like men- they smell good.

You wrote: "Don't you think we want and need love and attention as well? Don't you think that we will not sacrifice our lives for those that we love? Don't you believe that in the end, regardless of all our inconsistencies and annoyances, that we will take care of that which we need to take care? Are we not worthy of your love and care just because we do silly things in your eyes?"

I got tears in my eyes. Yeah , my husband does all of these things. My husband is not only worth of my love, but after I read this, I wonder if I'm worthy of his.

You really brought up some good points. I need to treat my husband better- I need to be worthy of his love.

What an eye-opener.

thank you.

free

August 7, 2007
3:06 pm
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SadMike
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You're very welcome free.

My only intent was to point out that men are human too with wants and needs (even if they won't admit it) - including love, care, nurture, the belief that what he does matters to the woman he loves and yes, sex also.

You will never find someone who will be "exactly" what you've always wanted with every attribute, characteristic and quality you value or want or belive you want. What you will find, however, is that the one who tells you "I love you" would give his life for you if the situation arose; and after all, is that not an integral component of love? And is that not what he does every day - give of his life so that he might nurture and care for you?

Sometimes we only see that which we dislike in the ones we love instead of seeing the good that they give us every day. If we were all perfect, websites like this would have no need to exist. It's only because we all fail and succeed and have faults and virtues that we need one another.

Thank you for listening (reading) and talking with me. 🙂

August 7, 2007
3:45 pm
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Hi SadMike-

You sound much like my own husband. There was a post from you before he came home for lunch and now one after he went back to work.

Dang it Michael- if this is you I'm gonna SO KICK YOUR BUTT!

In a very loving way of course. tonight.

If it's not you, well, I guess my hunny be deightfully surprised later on.

I like talking with you SadMike, you're able to say things without pushing the "get hostile" button. I need and appreciate that.

You're so right in everything you point out. Maybe we get caught up in pettiness- the things that really matter somehow get lost from sight, or taken for granted.

free

August 7, 2007
3:51 pm
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glittered when he walked
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a little break for humor for you..i hope.

I'm a guy and I saw the title of this thread and some of the responses and thought "Wow, if not even women don't know what women want, I'm really screwed." ; )

it's nice to know what we'd all want, but it's vital to know what we all need.

August 7, 2007
4:40 pm
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SadMike
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free -

I'm afraid I can't claim to be your husband although my given name is Michael; and good for the both of you that he will be suprised. Hehehe.

Very funny glittered. Hehehe.

August 7, 2007
5:50 pm
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lemoni
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August 7, 2007
6:24 pm
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lemoni
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Ooh I hit the wrong button again. I know what I don't want. Dirty undies! Yes I to was subjected to the role of underware patrol..I should have hung them up on the wall as art. Tracey Yemen would be proud!
But really..I want to be respected after sex. Why is it I always get the feeling something is amiss in the respect dpartment?

August 7, 2007
6:37 pm
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SadMike
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lemoni,

I'm curious as to what you mean by "...I want to be respected after sex."

August 7, 2007
6:54 pm
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lemoni
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Well..I just feel that all is great until sex comes into it. Mayb it just the people I attract. I think I'm a bit codep and am drawn to men who are charming manipulaters,if you read my other replys you may understand more. Eg. My ex put me down for having had sex with someone else before I met him. There are definate respect issues and bounderies when it comes to the bedroom. Still only processing it myself. Do you respect women u have sex with? I am interested in what men think to.

August 7, 2007
8:37 pm
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wasabi
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Sad MIKE!
You may be a great guy & I have a few friends that there men cook & clean ......... But my man is a mocho
Narssistic mean SOB!
I love him but I do not like him at times like today......
I really needed him & he went fishing with his buddies!
He didn't even tell me!
I had a real emergency & he went fishing!
I know what I want!
Like Jas. Sam said where just blowing off steam!
I hope your a good man to your lady & do not leave a trail !!!
or treat her like a maid or when she needs you you are there & not HERE on the PC with us!!!!!!
Have a nice evening!
Sorry I'm pist off!
WASABI

August 8, 2007
11:26 am
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courage to change
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What do women want really.

Well all I want is contentment, a healthy body, a peaceful mind, to be financially available for myself, do the job I enjoy.

Now a man who comes into my life and enhances it, and I manage to keep the above is on a winner with me.

Love to all xxx

August 8, 2007
12:12 pm
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SadMike
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Hey Wasabi...

I know not all men (or women for that matter) are created equal. Some people are overly selfish inconsiderate of others - especially of those they "love." I must confess that, from your description of what your husband did, it was terribly inconsiderate.

To me, it is incredibly sad that men treat their wives/girlfriends/partners as such. I would count it as a tremendous and profound blessing to have someone in my life all the time that not only would help me with my life but I could do the same with hers.

I have (and would continue to do so) be the best possible husband/partner I could possibly be and willingly put my desires aside for the good of my partner. After all, if I tell someone "I love you" it most certainly comes from my heart and it comes with responsibility and with conviction of character - in my mind it's not just idle words meant to appease someone else.

One of my favorite biblical verses is this:

Ecclesiastes 9:10
Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might; for there is no work or device or knowledge or wisdom in the grave where you are going.

This is how I try to apply everything in my life (albeit not perfectly at times). Whatever I find myself doing - be it my daily job, or loving my partner, I do it with all the possible might I can muster.

I wish both men and women realized that undue selfishness is wrong and hurtful to any relationship.

Every misdeed, intentional or not, on either part of a relationship puts a hole in the soul that makes it harder to "love" that person that commited the misdeed.

August 8, 2007
3:12 pm
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butterfly4u07
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Of course every woman looks for diff. things in a man. Some things are acceptional and some things are not.
* I've heard my whole life that i'm looking for something that doesn't exist.
This is not true, I know relationships r not perfect but my sister and her husband have had the most wonderful 10 years of their lives, the downs were normal but the love is still strongly there, and i've witnessed it. So "YES", there is someone who can last more than 2 years with me and make me happy, but who?

I just ask for a man of respect, someone who is them self and not somebody else for my attention. I am extremely loyal, respectful, and loving, simply look for the same. I am a person who is spontanious, likes to look their best and likes to dance and have lots of fun. For some reason this is an issue for EVERY guy I have met, I wish someone can see that this is me and it doesn't mean that i'm going to cheat or lose interest, if someone REALLY wants to capture my heart then they would LOVE all these things about me. I AM house wife material, just not a girl who is going to throw away everything I love for someone who can't accept it, I wish someone can just understand that and take me seriously at the same time, that would be the best day of my life.

August 8, 2007
3:19 pm
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SadMike
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Amen butterfly.

You sound like a wonderful woman worthy of all the love, attention and affection a guy might muster. 🙂

I myself am marrying material (or so I think) and also am extremely loyal, respectful and loving.

I am more of a private and reserved (and silly sometimes) person but then again that's just me. I just want a woman to accept me for who I am and love me in spite of that and not throw me away because I'm not a spontaneous as the next guy might be.

Sigh.

August 8, 2007
4:04 pm
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Mike have you tried the online dating thing?

I'm telling you, there are so many women looking for a guy just like you.

free

August 8, 2007
4:33 pm
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SadMike
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free -

I have. I finally broke down at the first of this year and signed up on one of the more reputable ones. I found someone that is very compatible with me.

We've been seeing one another for a while now. However she lives about three hours from me so it's a bit more difficult to see one another.

Also, because she's lived alone and not had a relationship for so long I think it's difficult for her; I think because of that she has an internal conflict - on the one hand she wants me and on the other hand she wants to be alone and not have to "consider" someone else. She's also used to guys (including her ex-husband) of which some of the women on here "speak so highly" if you get my meaning. So, in that I'm not like them (which she has stated on several occasions) I think it's been somewhat of a shock to her and difficult for her to absorb.

In all honesty, I've fallen for her in a big way and I think her for me but for some reason she holds back. She's got the qualities in a woman for which I've so longed. I'm quite amazed at what she's accomplished on her own. She's extremely intelligent and more than capable to handle life.

All that aside, I understand her emotional difficulty and I'm a patient man. Sometimes I don't want to be patient.

August 8, 2007
4:40 pm
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jastypes
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My next husband will be 1) NOT a racist. 2) He will be a Christian who is already involved in a ministry.

Not too much to ask for, is it?

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