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What do WOMEN want REALLY ????
August 3, 2007
9:18 am
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wasabi
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My cake & eat it too! How about U?
I baked it dame it!
Do we want control or more money!
One night stand or forever after?
RESPECT & Great SEX do they go hand & hand!NOT! Why not?

Why is ok for men to do some stuff but not a women!
Why?????

Equality my ass!
Why do women have to work twice as hard for less!
Why do I bust my butt & then come home to bust it more ......
Why is it my proble when he runs out of clean under wear....
I wash my own panties ... why can't he????
I'M JUST A GIRL WELL EXCUSS ME FOR THAT!
You want a lady & a tramp!
Can you deliver that!
What do you do to keep you man!
OK ladies what the hell do you really what!
Out of life or with your man/partner whatever!
(I must of woke up with a burr up my ass sorry!);o)
Just want to know what do U women want to be happy.... do we really know what we want?
What do I/U want out of life!
Tell me your passion for life!

August 3, 2007
10:37 am
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ggfred4
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wasabi,

What a great thread, you made a great point with the added humor that put a smile on my face this a.m....(about baking the cake cracked me up!)

I am a mother of four and have worked full time since I got married, so I consider that two full-time jobs. My ride home from work was my break during the day. I can only hope that the lives of future generations of women improves. My mother never worked a day in her life and always never seemed to understand my lack of time to visit, etc.

You got me thinking. My h and I used to argue in the early years over the fairness of my life. He would say, I take care of the yard. Well, that is one damn, weekly job! He would tell me the house is my responsibility. I would feel so overwhelmed with work, homework, meals, laundry, cleaning, sports, dance, cheerleading, clubs, and most of all the planning and coordinating it all. One time I took a steno pad and wrote down each of our responsibilities on it, mine on the left and his on the right. OMG...what a difference; he tore it up and trashed it.

Well, I know what I really want...I want my kids to graduate from college, move out, and I want freedom...Freedom to travel, to be spontaneous,to not have a planned schedule...hey, don't we deserve that???

August 3, 2007
10:47 am
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_anonymous
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I want my husband to be everything he is not. Responsible & consistent not to mention KIND.

August 3, 2007
11:59 am
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nappy
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Well for right now, I am getting what I want.
I am living in peace.
I don't have to answer to no one except me.
I don't have to put up with the bull crap with living with someone like my friends are doing.
I am making my own choices in life.
Happy because I know what I want in life.

I'm pretty much baking my own cake, and eating it to.

Nappy!

August 3, 2007
1:59 pm
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StronginHim77
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Most women want a man who is financially responsible and generous, kindhearted and honest, passionate and thoughtful, unselfish and supportive, addiction-free and spiritually strong, emotionally "safe" and courageous under pressure. Settling for anything less (and most of us HAVE!) is a guaranteed formula for unhappiness.

I do not want to live alone for the rest of my life, but I prefer being alone, to tolerating any kind of abuse or mistreatment or settling for any man who does not meet the criteria in paragraph one above.

- Ma Strong

August 4, 2007
8:58 am
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jasminum sambac
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wasabi,

I just want to be human. So I have a list of desires and passions in that area. Go for quality, take risks, talk straight. Work on my work areas...I have some things to say about God-relation that would fit over in the other forum... These are the BEEEG passions...without growth there, the rest I say below is just blowing hot air as far as my life is concerned.

But as a woman? Hm. Yeah, I would like a guy who has the humility and equality in him to wash his own shorts, if I wash my panties.

I'm sick and tired of being around men who, inside the house or out, are "towel-droppers"...you know, he cruises on, leaving behind messes to clean up? Takes the towel off the rack to dry off and then throws the **## thing on the floor? The guys who throw their real, emotional or financial shorts on the floor and just leave them and they are still there days and weeks later, and they play this passive-aggressive thing of waiting you out, betting that it will eventually get to you and you'll clean up for him?

I have this SERIOUS suspicion that a lot of men don't try these things with other men; they save it for women. Not fair, not grown up. Not interesting. Not sexy. There sure is female towel-dropping, but I'm talking as a woman in a woman/man pair.

Yeah, sure a guy who would end up washing his own shorts, or taking a turn washing my underwear, to have the decency to lend a hand, if I couldn't do the task that week, just like I'd do if he were in a bad week for shorts-washing What is it, that women's underwear is nuclearly radioactive, that guys can't touch it, except to take it off their women? Just how decent do you have to be, to wash someone else's underwear?

🙂 As a woman regardless of the guy, I'm wanting, entirely out of season, because, as a friend mine about my age said about herself when she was called a "chick" online, "I'm a fully formed hen", to get into my own feminine beauty more.

There are mental and spiritual parts to it, but usual list: drop some weight, more exercise, learn how to use cosmetics, get my toenails painted, wear some clothes that have some wiggle in them. Not to look like a 25 year old, to look like the she-bops-she-bops me, at my age. Get my hair highlighted, because I've never dyed my hair before...just to see what it's about and see if I like it..probably finally not, but what would I look like?

My mother and girlfriends when I was growing up didn't teach me anything about bikini waxing, hair dying, dressing attractively, any of that. I had to figure out putting on eyeliner, what a period was (and that I wasn't bleeding to death), what colors were attractive on me. I don't know the beauty tricks, the augmentations, not the deceptions. What kind of makeup augments a face my age?

I've dressed professionally for a long time, but I'm not talking about work, I'm talking about (age appropriate) cleavage, wiggle and the self-treatment that make men think that women are like kittycats: centered, confident, stretchy beings that purr because they like to purr.

I don't care whether a man thinks I'm swell looking or not, at this point. I'm wanting to learn how to flash my own style.

I'm a hen (smile) which means I've survived into a body class that doesn't have expectations on it. Except in a few women's magazines, there aren't impossible models my age that I could get my head bent out of shape anxious that I don't look like them. (I have, though, seen some feature articles of women in their 50s and 60s who I KNOW have had cosmetic surgery, a trainer, and a nearly anorexic lifestyle to produce that body at that age that mimicks the body of an 18 year old, so we're beginning to have unreal body images pushed at us, in the post-50 age bracket, too) I want to feel good in my feminine skin.

I understand with my brains, and have my fingers crossed with my heart and habits, that I had better not get myself into another relation with a man into damaging, and I had better not get into that energy-sucking situation of being around a man who constantly dumps his own messes, or I can kiss my dreams of flourishing in femininity good-bye. You begin to go to pot if all your physical and psychic energy is invested in taking care of a baby with size 12 feet.

I want to be with a man who REALLY enjoys whatever wiggle and shine I've got, who delights in me shining my light.

And you bet you bananas, yes wasabi there's going to be some serious,shorts/panties teting from here forward. NO MORE TOWELS ON THE FLOOR.

August 4, 2007
9:04 am
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jasminum sambac
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Hahaha. That last line was "serious shorts/panties TESTING" not "teting. I wonder what "teting" is?

August 4, 2007
9:16 am
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StronginHim77
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Jasminum -

You got me rolling on the floor. What a GREAT posting!!!

- Ma Strong

(Ruefully recalling all those wet towels she picked up over the decades of cohabitation...)

August 4, 2007
9:56 am
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wasabi
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Thank You so much Ladies!!!!
Honesty is so grand!
Oh & hey I have secertly went on strike........I haven't been washing his clothes....heheheheheh!
I swear ladies he screamed from the top of the stairs this morning....
Do you know where any clean under-wear is............LOL
I totaly ignorded him !
He found something I guess!
So once he left I log on to read this what timeing!
I'm at the same stage as ggfred4 is ... grown up & move on so I can have some fun now!

Today is my wonderful daughter's 18th birthday! I'm so proud of her!
She is beautfull smart responible the whole package!I'm so lucky to have her, she help's me so much!
She Graduated in June & will attend a local college ....1-2 yrs. then I don't know where she will be?
I gave birth to her 18 years ago this morning! WOW
I want everything for my little women! She is so special!

So many times I've been told NO you can't do that your a girl!
Or it's just men there you can't go!
It's a guy thing.....
I don't want to be excluded just because of my gender!

Thanks Ladies!
(I guess I need to wash some short today maybe!)

August 4, 2007
12:30 pm
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I used to want a lot of stuff. I was so empowered by the purity of our relationship. I always had faith we could overcome problems.

I think he chose me and the children over everything then. But something happened to his self-esteem when he got his inheritance and was finally able to do some of the things he'd only dreamt of before. Maybe like winning the lottery is for alot of people. First, he indulged himself and us. Spent way too much way too quickly. And when the dust cleared, we had to both work very very hard to maintain.

I know how things snowballed ..... I saw him drink more, indulge himself more, stop talking about goals, etc. I found myself avoiding sex because of the drinking. He said he'd help at home when I got FT work, but he didn't want to give up that much "fun" time. I got more demanding and critical and stressed out and he lost interest. We lost respect for each other. I got disappointed in his character, his egotism, lack of effort, his choices.

We are still pulling on the same rope. We've been through ALOT. I'm not expecting so much and accepting that the guy I first knew maybe wasn't who I fantasized him to be. We love each other, but it's realistic now.

So.....maybe women want the fantastic stuff to turn out to be real?

August 4, 2007
4:14 pm
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jasminum sambac
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🙂 Sister high-five, Ma Strong.

Brynnie, I think you're right, a lot of women do.

Hi wasabi, on your big day...I could hear that love and pride.

August 4, 2007
5:19 pm
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Tall, dark, handsome and rich.

August 4, 2007
5:38 pm
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StronginHim77
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WD -

Cary Grant?

HEHEHE

August 4, 2007
11:28 pm
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startingover
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Calm, honest, trust-worthy, and employed...consistent, fun, and a companion. That's it.

No alcohol abuse or other drugs, that is a must.

SO

August 5, 2007
1:38 am
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OK I need to add something here.

My dad was a saint. He had a grounded faith, did not drink, just worked incredibly hard and enjoyed what he had. And when he died, there were so many who loved him and appreciated him and grieved.

But, I remember this one thing. I was the youngest child, so maybe I was the only one who SAW that male middle-aged "thing" that many men might feel -- it's not that my own father acted on it....but I remember my mother being aggravated about him offering a daily ride to a secretary he worked with just till her car was fixed. My mum just did not like it. At the time I saw it as a very kind thing. I didn't understand why it irritated my mum so much.

Hello. I'm at that age now. My husband is "attentive" to younger women with small "problems" that he can resolve in a kindly way. And, what ho, it kind of pisses me off.

He doesn't ACT on it. He just lends himself to them in a way I don't like. It is threatening. He is not as kindly to me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that no one is a saint. That middle-aged "urge" is very real for men. It's a driving force that is essential for them.

Somehow, in my clumsy limited way, I hope I recognize that desire of his to be seen as a vibrant sexual guy and hope he doesn't embarass us both in his need to be seen as such.

I'm trying to tolerate his skimpy yoga and bike-riding pants. He's almost 59. If I was in the great shape he is, would I be dressing like that also? Am I jealous because he's looking better at this age than I?????

It would be so musch easier if we were both equally middle-aged and somewhat "dumpy"-looking. Or fit. When married couples look similar in those ways it indicates to me that they are comfortable and happy with the way they are. When ONE is FIT, and the OTHER NOT fit, they are maybe not so comfy with each other.

Here's the point .........(I never can get there very quickly) we all would probably like to be on the same wave-length for the long haul. It looks like the marriages that survive into old age have weathered because of compromise and respect (and dignity?)

August 5, 2007
8:38 am
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Robert123
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I guess these years of living by myself has been a good thing. If I leave a towel on the floor...it stays there. If I don't wash my clothes...I go without. I can see how frustrating it must be for women to do all of those things and for it not to be reciprocated. I don't know why guys expect to be waited on, perhaps it starts in childhood. I guess it can be unlearned.

August 5, 2007
9:16 am
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jasminum sambac
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Brynnie,

The line that stood out to me in your post is "He is not as kindly to me."

I read a lot of thought in your post: your own wonderful dad had a spell of something like what your husband is passing through. You mused over his bike pants: most men his age aren't wearing those...and explored whether some of your reaction was coming from wishing that you looked as fit as he looks. It was a very sensitive post, full of thought about the humanity of people (your father, your husband, you).

That was just "read-back," to tell you what came through to me.

It may not be your situation; tell me if I've missed you, but there is something upsetting at being a spouse presumed to be so safe and ordinary to life that it becomes easier to look around, even if it's just enjoying the view and as you suggest might be going on with your hubby, turning elsewhere than the marriage as he is dealing with his own aging

One of the frustrations of moving bodily past the age of about 35, for women, especially if they've borne kids is that a very high proportion of us have a natural, and we discover, irreversible loss of the silhouette of the younger woman.

Men do look at women. In that department, we can't compete with the young women who for biological and VERY heavily cultural reasons, men so often respond to as attractive. We can't get that silhouette back, with the high breasts and the waist, without doing violence to ourselves with plastic surgery and unnatural calorie reduction because the body metabolism has downshifted.

And some of my male friends have furthermore liked young women with no experience, who they can tell what the world is really about and who can be shown that they are strong. Longtime spouses know the strengths and weaknesses of their partners pretty intimately. It's hard to "look" strong for a spouse; they often know whether your are or not, in realtime.

There is this plaintive and real, "but what about me?" in your post. As you gently noted, he doesn't incline to offer these little kindnesses to me that he offers her.

That really touched me, because one of my ideals for my intimate friendships and relationships with men is courtesy. Surely friends and spouses CAN be as courteous with each other as they are with outsiders. I don't think familiarity breeds contempt (or a decline in kindness); I think erosion does, or lack of tending does.

On the matter of neglect of kindness, in other words, I'm not looking at your failing at anything, but at his ability to be as helpful to you as he is to people outside the family.

Does he, by the way, know your feelings about what you're writing about?

Compromise and respect do help a relation for the long haul. And your knowledge that hey, we're all human.

My guess is that he probably doesn't fully know how those bike pants are going down with younger women, by the way...I'd guess that the vast proportion of sweet young things would see a 59-year old in bike pants when they looked at him. Young people know when older people are trying too hard to look young.

Hm. The question from the thread title: what do you REALLY want in this situation of your husband lending his care to young women, but not being equally kind to you?

All best, Brynnie

Jas

August 5, 2007
9:28 am
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jasminum sambac
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Hi, Robert,

Exactly, about the towels. Or in my case tracking dirt in from the yard on my own floors.

🙂 On the domestic downside of living alone, one of my friends who lived alone once complained, "There's never anyone you can blame the empty ice cube trays on"

August 5, 2007
4:05 pm
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wasabi
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Jas* Sam*
Or how about the T.P. Roll!!!!!!
No one seams to now how that work's in my house!!!!!
Wasabi!

August 5, 2007
6:40 pm
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soofoo
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I want Bliss. And to know what I want. And then I want to get it all on my own. And then I want to share it with the rest of the world and not have to give it away.

August 6, 2007
3:40 am
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free
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What I want in a man doesn't exist. I'm convinced.

Be a companion, a friend. don't ask me to take care of you- I don't want to and I don't want you to take care of me. Wash your own clothes, clean up your own mess, pay your own bills. When I do it, it's kuz I wanted to at the moment, not kuz I want it to be my responsibility. Ya cook and clean as a bachelor- cook and clean as a husband. Guess what? I bet you can grocery shop too. And clean the toilet that you pee all over in the middle of every night.

Ya wanna gripe kuz you don't have anymore clean underwear? Sure I'll wash it- with a red shirt. Pink undies look great on a man who expects me to wash his underwear.

Cut the non-stop sex shit- it ruins the moment. I know men think about sex every 3 seconds supposedly- well most women don't, and it would be really great to have a conversation without a sex inuendo popping in. Believe it or not men, sex is not the end-all, cure-all, be-all.

Men just don't get it- the constant barrage of sex - kills it. We're not wild animals- intimacy is nice, fucking and expecting to fuck all the time- that's not nice. Or attractive. or seductive. Or effective.

I have a higher education than you? Oh, get over it or go back to school. Wish you woulda never asked.

Bugged kuz I wanna read or spend time on the computer instead of be with you right now? Well get some autonomy. Time alone is good.

Don't understand my politics? My spirituality? Well I don't fully understand those either, so stop trying to put me in a mold. There is no law stating that I must follow a party line or certain spiritual belief. I'm allowed to think independently on different issues, believe it or not. And I'm allowed to change my mind on those, too. Daily if I so choose!

In short- be tender in your respect for my independent self and life. Kuz I respect yours. Moreover, I value it.

Just share in each other, with each other, for each other. Help each other. Encourage each other.

Ya know- just live life with each other. Not because of each other or for each other- but WITH each other.

I've got a man right now- a good man, but he don't fully get it.

I don't think there's a man that does.

free

August 6, 2007
6:33 am
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free...
I totally agree with you! a man that does not exist..or at least in my world...
it really is not too much to ask to be able to emotionally support YOURSELF..I do it ALL the time!

and not look for someone to get you out of your messes..you created them!

and a partner...someone that COMPLIMENTS my life..brings out the BEST in me, not the naggy, 'wondering-what-your-up to' side of me.

because I don't really CARE what you are up to! I want to know that you will support me, as I will support you! and I don't have to wonder where or who you are with....I have ENOUGH to worry about.

is it too much to ask for someone that treats me with such respect that, in turn, I respect you and value your opinions?

oh and....don't drink so damn much! I know I have better things to do with my money...I am guessing those past due bills could use a little of that drinking $$ or better YET...your KIDS!!!!

whew..that felt good!

nvr

August 6, 2007
11:10 am
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Jas, thank you for your comments.

We are pretty open. He knows what I think. We both are choosing our reactions and behaviors. There's still kindness and respectful stuff (and plenty of love), but when we went through some serious health issues, a kind of self-preserving selfishness division set in on both our parts. I know now more what's what.

I'm disappointed because I always believed we were better than this and it is hard to accept (too easily understood).

August 6, 2007
11:26 am
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jasminum sambac
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(((Brynnie))) You take care. About thinking your relation was better: I think the goal posts move, as we become more capable. I really admire the two of you. And you. You come across as so straightforward and loving 🙂

August 7, 2007
8:45 am
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wasabi
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I think we all need a WIFE!!!!!
in a man's body!
Wasabi

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