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what do men lie about and why?
August 25, 2006
8:34 am
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lightchaser
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EXACTLY: why the lies????

Do men not think that women can have sex just for the sake of having sex?? No, we would rather have a relationship, but we would rather know what we are getting into. If its a friends with benefits, that is not ideal for me, but if someone is honest and respectful to me, I could enjoy that.

I think what Chinita meant by "giving in" is in part, giving in to her own desire to experience sex and sensuality with someone. PErsonally, I have the mindset that on a first date a second date, i don't want to ruin the chance of a relationship by having sex to soon. However, the moment comes and it's sometimes very difficult not to "give in" to my own desires, expecially if it just seems right. This leads to feelings of guilt and feelings of fear that I have just "blown my chance" at a meaningful relationship.

I don't know what "I love you" means to a man. i have to read that DARN thread. Sometimes I think they really feel like they "love" you when they are with you, but they really just "want" you, or you make them feel good and it makes them feel all these warm fuzzies that go away as soon as you are out of sight.

I don't think my guy is lying for sex. he is so good looking he can get that at the bar down the street and not have to lie for it. I don't even know if he is lying at all, but only time will tell.

hummmm . . .thanks for all the posts. I love hearing peoples perspectives on this.

August 25, 2006
12:06 pm
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chinita
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Light:

I agree about blowing your chance with a relationship if u don't have sex. So that's a chance us Grown Women take and go with our feeling.

What's the big deal??? "(SEX) why??? do men have to say things that they don't even mean???

I agree with Double Why can't it be just mutual???

For men to be just honest and straight out???

Don't lead us on!!! haven't they figured it out that as women we are the most sensitive creatures here and we all have feelings.

Don't get me wrong I'm not bashing men but they are so unpredictable and I can't stand it!!!!

August 25, 2006
5:45 pm
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lightchaser
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Hey China: I am thinking however with J, I was almost like a man. I said things perhaps I shouldn't have said like, " this isn't just a rebound thing for me." when yes, it was. However, I didn't LIE to get something from him. I lied to myself about what I was doing and the feelings ( or lack thereof) that i was having for him.

This time, I am keeping my big mouth shut, and only saying things I know to be absolutely true, as words are hurtful, even when meant with sincerity at the time they were said.

I am wondering how long it will take for the L room to come out of X? I give it 3 more dates. Start the countdown! I hope I am wrong and it will take him longer.

Light

August 25, 2006
9:57 pm
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lightchaser
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I meant L WORD not L room. Maybe I think he is lying cuz I lied to J ( unintentionally) and I am afraid Karma is coming to get me.

August 26, 2006
12:44 am
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chinita
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Don't stress Light take it easy on yourself.

Have fun!!!!!!!!! and just let things happen everything happens for a reason don't be so negative.

Love Ya
China Girl

August 26, 2006
3:43 am
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glittered when he walked
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Honestly, Ive never told a woman "I love you"' when I didn't mean it. Frankly, like most of you I think it's unwise and hurtful to say " I love you" only in hopes of having sex when it's not meant. I've made plenty of mistakes in relationships, but one thing I can take some pride in is that I never lied about loving someone.

I do relaize that women can and do have sex sometimes just for the joy of it and honestly I think that's great - so long as both parties understand. IMO i think the average guy has an easier time separating sex and love. There's no right or wrong in it at face value.

August 26, 2006
11:49 am
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chinita
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But what's the big deal when u have sex on the first date???

Ok the chase but then when u do the whole courting thing and u have sex then what???

August 26, 2006
4:52 pm
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Worried_Dad
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"am wondering what he may want from me and why he is pursing me so intently."

Well, if you met on an internet dating site, my first guess is that he wants a relationship and is intently persuing that with you because he likes you.

August 26, 2006
10:17 pm
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lightchaser
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Thanks for posting Worried Dad- sometimes the answer is so simple and right in my face and I look in every other direction.

I had another date with the guy last night and am starting to believe that yeah, he does like me. go figure?????

August 26, 2006
10:25 pm
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Worried_Dad
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That being said, me and some others have done some original research into the types of people who frequent internet dating sites.

We sampled over 3,000 individuals from three dating sites, and our results, while not utterly discouraging, suggest that both men and women using the internet to find dates, romance, or life partners would be wise to be somewhat cautious, skeptical even.

The most common lie for men on those sites was about their appearance. The second most common lie was about their marital or relationship status. I suggest being skeptical of the "separated" category.

August 27, 2006
12:23 am
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pcbutterfly2200
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OK I ALWAYS GO WITH IF IT SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE IT PROBABLY IS!!!SO BE CAREFUL OF THIS GUY. THANKS ,,BUTTERFLY..YOU CAN ALSO SEE MY GOING BACK TO PRISON THREAD.MY PROBLEMS MAY MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS.

August 27, 2006
12:53 am
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Anonymous
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WD

who are "we?" What kind of study was this? Was it published? What kind of sampling methods were used? How was the study funded?

August 27, 2006
12:54 am
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Anonymous
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The real reason not to used online dating sites is background checks are not required. You have no idea who is on the other side of the computer. It simply is not safe. End of story.

August 27, 2006
1:01 am
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sdesigns
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WD: Thats interesting. Did you question only men? or did you question women as well? Any info on whether the men on there were really looking for someone, or whether they were there to "just play"? (I know you found your gal on line, so present company excluded!) I'd be very interested in hearing more about what you found out.

SD

August 27, 2006
1:20 am
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Anonymous
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I would be very interested in the methodology used, and your training in survey methods.

August 27, 2006
4:36 am
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Worried_Dad
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Oh, the internet dating research project.

Hi sdesigns.

My training in scientific sampling methods was graduate level classes about scientific sampling methods--mainly psychology and sociology oriented, which mathematically is similar to just sampling rocks and rabbit livers, etc., etc., but much more annoying.

I didn't use any of that training or methodology for this project.

I was just trying to find a wife.

And then I met some scientifically minded men and women online and found that each of us had a common question, which was "What the **** is going on here?!"

So I said "Hey let's look into this!"

So we pooled the data we had already collected in our respective mate searches, and also created some custom profiles to see who or what would bite.

Our sorting was mainly by geographic region, by purported marital/relationship status, educational and economic status, by presence/absence/content of photographs and by references to money or sexual acts.

Women would fib about their marital/relationship status, but with men there was a lot of just plain lying through their teeth.

August 29, 2006
12:41 am
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glittered when he walked
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chinita,

what comes after the sex? what do you want to come after the sex. If it's someone you love and want to build a relationship with well then more initmacy and more sex usually follows.

If it's purely a sex thing, then you politiely go about your lives and meet again perhaps, or perhaps not.

August 29, 2006
1:05 am
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sdesigns
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Ah, Worried Dad. I should have expected as much from your scientific enquiring mind to make an on line search onto a research project. So at least one guy I know (you) was really on line looking for a mate. So far in my "research", I believe you are the first. But I recall a hilarious post of yours about your search. I am finding the men lie about height (which is the first clue more lies are to come- why lie about something so obvious?), income, their real goal (is sex- not a relationship- astonishing), and how long its been since they've been in a relationship, how much time they spend on line looking, and for long they've been on Match/ Yahoo? whatever. So basically- lots and lots of lies about just about anything. It can be humorous at times, but also tiresome.

Thanks for the response.

SD

September 4, 2006
10:20 am
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Robert123
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Men don't lie. Ok, well maybe stretch the truth.
Lieing isn't exclusive to males!!! Women lie too.
Lies come in shades of gray also. Some may lie thinking they are protecting a person's feelings. Its a human condition is my guess.

September 4, 2006
11:23 am
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lightchaser
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Yes, I know women lie. The question wasn't to say that women don't lie just as much as men. but we lie for different reasons.

I wonder if sex is almost always the motivation for men to lie.

September 4, 2006
1:29 pm
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Robert123
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My guess is men lie for a variety of reasons and women lie for their reasons. I don't know if men can be categorized as lieing only to get sex, as well as women can not be categorized as lieing only to attract a man.

September 4, 2006
2:54 pm
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Anonymous
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What a sad commentary. Why do people go through life lying anyway? Is this an everyday habit for most people that I just did not know about until recently? Can someone please honestly respond?

September 5, 2006
8:28 am
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1lost1
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P&L, My personal opinion is people lie to protect themselves and to make themselves more important then they think they really are.

Sometimes, it just boils down to ego's. There are times people lie to "protect" someones feelings but, if the truth is told in a manner that isn't offensive then it should not be necessary to lie.

It is also the power of holding another persons attention. If one cannot get attention positively, they search for ways to get it. Lying appears easier then reality.

But, the truth of the matter is that someday the lie comes back to haunt you, whether it was for a "good" reason or not.

Just my thought on the subject...1L1

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