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What do I say when we meet in the street
October 27, 2006
5:39 am
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Simondo3573
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After another night waking up at 3am in the worst cold sweat so far I have been to the doctors and come home with tranqs and sleeping pills. I hoped I was going to come to terms with my wife leaving, but knowing thatshe has only met him once and is now on holiday with him is hard. I keep wondering will she stop drinking will she change, stop all those head games and put down, all the leaving me and coming back with him. He is younger than her lives 300 miles away she is so insecure how will she handle that, will he move in and discover her disorganised alcoholic life her co-dependant teenage daughter - THEN its not MY PROBLEM. She’s back in town this weekend I’m dreading meeting her we have had a very co-dependant seven years just what do I say. I am not really angry with her because I know that she has so many problems. This latest fling may keep her up for a while now I just have to concentrate on me and me and my kids. How would you folk deal with seeing her in the street. NO CONTACT day 6 easy at the moment she is unlikely to try right now. She will come back to her house to find the divorce papers. I am divorcing her for a breakdown in the marriage and asked the divorce lawyers to write I want it to be as amicable as possible. But I am still so sad she has gone my story is outlined under Coming To Terms With The End Of MY Marriage any advice or support welcome

October 27, 2006
6:09 am
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revelation
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Oh my dear, you have really been through the mill. From what you are saying this woman has psychologically abused you for a long time. What do you say when you meet in the street? Absolutely nothing...you walk by and say nothing, or at the minumum to be polite, you say "Hi" then walk by and say nothing. Treat her as you would a stranger. Its difficult, but she will only try to manipulate you if you do anything else.

It sounds like this woman has serious mental health problems, but you can do NOTHING to change that, you cannot hange her...its absolutely pointless to worry how she will cope...she obviously hasn't given any thought to how you will cope. You cannot fix her, you cannot change her, you MUST keep that to the forefront of your mind. You must work on healing and letting go, you must work on your self-esteem so that this woman does not try to worm her way back in to hurt you again. By taking her back you would be enabling her...she needs to go and get help for herself, but no matter how much you want to help, you cannot...by helping in any way you are only enabling her to ignore the issues which obviously plague her life, and lead her to hurting you.

Rev.

October 27, 2006
8:12 am
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CAMER
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(((Simondo))) gosh, you have gone thru alot...and the best you can do is just say hi to her when you meet her on the street, and just make it very simple, a "hi, how are you" without getting into too much more.

As Revelation said, its true, you cannot change her, your wife picked her path, picked her drinking, picked her men, chose her life and what she wants to do with it and SHE needs to fix herself.

Just know, you gave your all, heart and soul, and this woman took every inch of you away and stomped on it....know that you deserve so much better, you do, i know hearing this
may be hard, and give your heart and head time to heal, it takes time...breakups/divorces are not easy.

(((((know you have lotsa support here and you are not alone))))))

Camer

October 27, 2006
9:11 am
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Simondo3573
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Thanks Camer and Revelation I guess I knew the answer already, just a few weeks ago it all seemed to be coming good we have been in a BIG relationship for seven years it is going to be hard to just say hi but then I absolutely do not want to know about what she's doing its hard enough with dealing with what she was doing already. thanks

October 27, 2006
10:12 am
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atalose
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Why would you be running into her on the street?

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 27, 2006
11:22 am
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Simondo3573
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She workd 100 yards from where I live and behind the bar in the only decent place to go in town

October 27, 2006
12:04 pm
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taj64
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You were married to her so I can imagine how hard this is. My feeling is to be cordial and respectful. YOu do not owe her anything, such as conversation. Limit yourself to contact even if she works 100 yards away. At some point, you could rethink your living situation. A change would be good.

October 27, 2006
12:09 pm
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atalose
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I agree with taj, be respectful but cordial and limit your contact with her as much as possible, at least for a while.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

October 27, 2006
12:10 pm
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Simondo3573
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She's more likely to rethink her work situation she has yet to hold a job down for more than a couple of years so I'm in no hurry to move from my rented house which is really nice and fairly priced. I was counting up how many times shes moved in 9 years around this small town 10! Five of them, from her moving out into new places, from here during our marriage. Oh I must sound mad but I do miss her not being around

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