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What do I need to do first follow up to Divorce because of Vegas
February 22, 2006
6:36 pm
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my fault
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I need your suggestions on what I can do for myself. I felt great this morning and finally slept thru the night...but as the day went on I started to feel down in the dumps. I read some of the threads on this site and even tried giving some suggestions. I do know what we should do with certain situations but than I lose all perspective and crash into the valley of depression. I went to see an apartment today and received a call on a job interview. I all at once got scared wondering if I can hold a job with my mental state. Next thought was if I can't hold a job who can I get an apartment. Maybe I should get the apartment first and get peaceful mentally, I just don't know what to do first. I am all over the place with my mind and find it hard to concentrate. I believe I need a job but very afraid I'm going to fail. I am on medication and it does help but not enough when I'm overwhelmed as I feel now. Please help, what can I do for myself to get past these feelings of despair.

February 22, 2006
6:48 pm
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gingerleigh
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When I start feelin overwhelmed, I try to focus on one task at a time and put the bigger picture out of my head. Even if it's something as simple as taking a shower or putting laundry away, just getting one step closer to organized usually helps me feel more in control. Hang in there, it will be OK!

February 22, 2006
6:59 pm
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my fault
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ginger, I only wish I knew what should be the one focus with this whole picture. My husband came home and it seems his whole world is NON confusion as if there is nothing going wrong in his life. Someone said yesterday that he is "ok" with the situation, I bet he is....he can afford to live anywhere and he has a job. I wish I could make one decision and stick to it.

February 22, 2006
7:15 pm
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gingerleigh
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It doesn't have to be anything important... just something to grab onto right now, in this moment, while you're feeling overwhelmed. It can be small... I wasn't kidding when I mentioned the shower. I can remember one day not even all that long ago where I was so stressd out and paralyzed with fears and overwhelming tasks that I couldn't even move off the couch. The only thing that got me moving was that I eventually had to go to the bathroom, and I resolved as I was walking towards the bathroom that when I was done I would take a shower. And then I did. And I felt so much better. When I was done with the shower, I resolved to clean up the dishes that I'd left in the sink. While I was doing the dishes, I decided that as soon as I was done, I was going to make a simple phone call that I'd been putting off. And I did. They were the proverbial baby steps, but they got me moving.

Progress, not perfection (where did that quote come from? it's great!)

February 22, 2006
7:44 pm
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Shaney
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I'm going to start calling you "not my fault" from now on - because I think THAT'S the first thing that should top your list... releasing the guilt. Belive me, I know that it takes two to tango in any relationship, and you had you dancing shoes on this whole time too, but don't bear the burden of what is going on.

I think that was HUGE for you to set up a job interview and look at an apartment. HUGE! Since I'm not exactly sure of your financial situation, I'd probably see an attorney first. As a result of any agreements, you may be able to stay in the house since he is the one who's most financially stable. If it turns out that he gets the house, he may have to provide alimony to you until you can get on your feet. Don't feel like you have to take care of every loose end right off the bat. This is going to take some time - so at least find out your options, in a legal sense. Your home life, your personal life, and your work life, are three major parts of your existence. Changing just one of those would send anyone into a bit of a frenzy - don't try to change all of those at once! Brave of you, but you'll drop dead in the process! So my suggestion to you, is to find out what your legal options are. After that, decide which option is best, then begin to move forward. Remember, it's going to take time.

February 22, 2006
7:53 pm
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Shaney
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NOTmyfault,

No offense to the guys here - (you know I love you), but try to get one of those angry, man-hating-balls4breakfast-eating female lawyers. :o)

February 22, 2006
9:09 pm
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taj64
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Hi You have a lot more strength than you realize. You are being active even if hard. The hard part IS right now. There are a lot of changes to adjust to in short amount of time. In the short run, you are scared and it is ok to be afraid. Of course it is all so scary. But in the long run, you are doing the best thing. When you get a job it is natural to be afraid you adjust to new tasks, new people and it takes a lot of time to adjust. You will make new friends and you have a fresh start. Your despair will lessen. Change is good and change has to happen for you in order for you to grow as a person. Be patient.

February 23, 2006
1:20 am
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my fault
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I'm back again and thank you gingerleigh, shaney and taj64 for your suggestions. I started taking the small steps over the last eight months but I feel I was getting no where, like spinning my wheels, waiting for a miracle.

I would do anything to keep busy, my mother became ill and my time was taking care of her. I did go to talk to a few lawyers and also went to file for spouse support but found I needed to move out of the house first.

So then I saw a lawyer and he told me I need to get mentally capable of leaving and then get a job. My phyctrist said move out of the house take a month or two to improve mentally and than try looking at part time work.

I put all that off hoping husband would wake up and see what he would be doing to himself if I left. Thanksgiving, Christmas Day/my birthday also, New Years came and went without him. He never liked holidays so I guess he was happy to be apart from me. I was with my daughter and mom, dad, brother and sister in law and nieces and newhews for the holidays. I did not miss him because he never join in family stuff, he found it boring.

I learned there is no miracle but for me to move on in my life. NOW I AM SCARED...I HAVE TO MAKE A MOVE TO LEAVE HERE AND I'M SET FOR THIS INTERVIEW TOMORROW.

I needed to do both things but I guess the interview scares me because I really am not ready to work. My brother and daughter say get a job to get out of the house and make friends that is why I looked for work. What do you all think? It is 1:00am and when I get scared I lose the ability to sleep. What can I do for myself here?

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