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What do I do!? - m3talc0re
October 13, 2004
9:35 pm
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m3talc0re
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I read her yahoo message archive and read a convo she had with a guy. I can either bring it up to her and she'll know that I've hacked into her Yahoo! Archive again (which will really piss her off and most likely disable her archiving) or not say anything and just let it eat away at me. Her archiving will stay on then so I can get more information, but she talks to him on the phone as well as "just friends". Do I bring it up or bite the bullet and wait to see what happens and get more info? Here's part of the convo:

Her: because they had a ? beside the time i get off:P

Him: o

Her: yup yup

Her: wanna f

Him: yup

Her: :-*

Him: :-*

I can only think of one thing "wanna f" could mean... 🙁 BTW, the :-* are "kiss" emoticons on Yahoo! Messenger.

October 13, 2004
9:48 pm
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m3talc0re
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No, we aren't married, but we are living together. We are having problems, but are supposed to be trying to work them out.

"they had a wat??" What do you mean by that?

October 13, 2004
10:11 pm
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FoolMeThrice
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Wow Metal, that's a tough one.

You know you shouldn't have been snooping, but, you did, and, ugh, look what you found.

So do you bring it up or not?

How old is that archive? Is this ongoing?

If you do bring it up now, you risk having it turned around so that you look like the bad guy for snooping.

I think I would sit on it for a bit. See if what happens. You guys have not been back together for very long. See how things go, maybe?

I think it is understandable for you to be upset.

October 13, 2004
10:13 pm
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m3talc0re
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The archives are dated. This convo happened last night. Lisset, she was talking about her hours at work.

October 13, 2004
10:17 pm
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lam
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Hi m3,

I haven't been posting too much lately, haven't been up to it.

I was following your last thread though, you are in Alabama now, right? I remember something about her telling some guy in prison that you two were going to try and work things out? Soooo who's this guy she's conversing with?

geez I'm not sure what to say right at this moment b/c I'm seeing both sides of this. I've been on the side where I had people going through my personal, private things and I hated it. But I have to say it would bother me if I was living with someone, both of us trying to work on a relationship and then reading something like that (although it's difficult to really know what they're saying.) whew tough...

I would say to you to try not to jump to conclusions about this *code* they seem to be writing in. I had someone read my email to a girlfriend - and the person misread it and thought THEY were being referred to and they weren't. It got ugly and I definitely felt defensive and that my privacy was violated.

Think carefully where you'd want that kind of conversation to go should you choose to be direct with her.

lam

October 13, 2004
10:19 pm
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FoolMeThrice
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Are you guys in couple's therapy? Might be worth it since you have the kid.

I tried to put myself in her shoes to understand what she is doing. I may be way off-base but here's what I came up with. She is not yet sure of her relationship with you, because it has been rocky and you have only recently gotten back together. This other guy is being kept on the hook in case it doesn't work out with you.

Have you guys had a chance to sit down and discuss what you want out of your relationship and what your expectations of each other are?

Again, I recommend counseling. A professional, neutral, 3rd party who can help steer you guys in the right direction.

October 13, 2004
10:30 pm
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Anonymous
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I'm lost....M3..Are you with Amanda?

October 13, 2004
10:49 pm
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m3talc0re
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Here physically with her, yes. Metaphysically, I have no fucking clue...

October 13, 2004
10:52 pm
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Zinnie
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M3,

Why were you snooping on her? Everyone deserves some privacy.

October 14, 2004
12:11 am
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SweetAmanda
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M3tal,

You just moved back in with Amanda. Anyways, aren't you supposed to be "working things out?" You are a very smart guy, and you know that I care the world for you! *hugs* So what I have to say may hurt, but it is the truth, and I only say it because I care. =)

Here is my advice: You said you know that she will get angry if you bring it up...so don't!

Why do I say this? For the simple fact that I know that you will never leave her.

M3tal, She will ALWAYS play around on you behind your back. This is what you are going to have to learn to expect from her Hunny. =(

Sorry... ~Amanda~

October 14, 2004
12:16 pm
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m3talc0re
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Well, I brought it up this morning. I told her that I saw her say it when she was typing it that night. I was sitting here at my comp a few feet away and couldn't read what she was saying, but she doesn't know that. She said she was typing something and Richard, our son, hit keys and hit Enter before she got to type it all out. I don't remember Richard being in her lap while she was talking to him, and as far as I can remember, he was on the chair behind her. Not only that, but she wont even tell me what she intended to type. So either a, she's lieing and what I said is exactly what it meant and she can't think of anything else to say about it, or b, she's frustrated and pissed at me for bringing that up or assuming that. She said "Fine, I wont even talk to him anymore.", but I highly doubt she would stop talking to him. I fucking swear, alot of guys better thank god that there are laws in place and a justice system there to protect them. If I could get away with it, I would've done slaughtered probably every guy she's talked to and done more with.

October 14, 2004
12:29 pm
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Zinnie
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M3,

You say you would "slaughter any other guys" - it's not the other guys, she is the one doing you wrong.

October 14, 2004
12:29 pm
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Anonymous
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Okay let me give you another point of view on this though. My ex, basically would do the same thing to me, and accuse me of cheating all the time when in essence I truly have a lot of guys as friends, and I do flirt with them. I would never have sex with any of them or be intimate in the least sense, and I loved my ex. I think that sometimes, I know for me I go for other male attention when I dont get any from the person I want it from. I also think though if you want her to be honest with you, you should be honest with her. Relationships suck and are hard, I know but building more of it on lies won't help. And you will either find out that she really does care and want to be with you or that you deserve so much better. I know it's hard.

October 14, 2004
12:30 pm
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Cici
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Zinnie is right.

October 14, 2004
12:32 pm
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kathygy
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m3,

I though you said she has a problem with committment, that she hasn't fully committed to you. You need to know where you stand with her. Why are you angry at the guy and not her?
The guy is innocent here. She's the one cheating if you are indeed in a committed relationship. But you need to ask her straight out. If she's not committed to you she has the right to talk to any guy she chooses and you have no say in the matter. Why are you snooping anyway? A relationship requires trust. Why don't you trust her?

October 14, 2004
3:57 pm
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CAMER
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m3: i know from the sounds of it, she is your life, and she could be cheating but maybe not...have you ever sat her down and talked with her about this??? does she want to BE with you emotionally and physically???
She may have "guy" friends, but if she is screwing around, you really do deserve someone better. Keep venting, it helps.

October 14, 2004
11:59 pm
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SweetAmanda
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M3tal,

The other guys really have nothing to do with it...For real. What the people on this thread have said are right. Amanda is the one who is getting a thrill out of it, and Amanda is the one who needs these guys...Amanda is the one who doesn't love you...Hell! These guys might have no fucking clue that you are even in the picture! Ever think of that? Hurts, doesn't it? Why do you let her treat you like this? Why? God, this sucks. *hugs* Please, keep posting! ~Amanda~

October 15, 2004
12:07 am
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Anonymous
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I'm biting my tongue here.....M3: You really should listen to the good advice given here. Amanda is right, as are others....

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