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what am I
February 15, 2004
1:26 pm
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Wedo
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I am a male currently in a relationship. Last night all hell broke loose.
I started doing some research this morning, and have read some interesting things. Some I relate to and others not. My girlfriend also sounds like a lot of what Ive read. Heres what I see in my relationship. My girlfriend is constantly looking for reassurance, angry when she doesnt get it, full of anxiety, and fear a lot of the time, crying etc.. This is almost an everyday event. Her looking for reassurance, and getting angry, crying etc.. I have started to lash out at her. I feel attacked a lot of the time. When I see it starting up nowadays I immediatley react in anger or ignore it and it escilates and I usually say something very mean. . This is hurting her badly.I hate that. So then she'll start wanting to leave, making threats, goes out with other guys. When the threat of seperation is in the air I panic, and inevitabley go to her with apologies, and almost begging her. Sometimes apologies are not even in order. Ive apologized probably 100 times where she has 1 or two. That cant be right! This is not healty. Why cant I be ok with her leaving? My friends around me say she is controlling and manipulative. Sometimes thats hard for me to see. I am always on edge around her. Is she happy is she mad?
But when things are "ok", and she is "loving me" I am focused on life. Achieving my goals, doing things I enjoy, etc...Then BAM! It happens and I feel handicapped in need of help. Something else I always do is check myself with friends and family. Was I wrong or was she wrong. I want to be confident in knowing what was right and wrong, and make my own decisions. For the record they all seem to agree with me most of the time about her behaviour.
I could go on and on. What am I!!! What should I do?

February 15, 2004
4:50 pm
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Zinnie
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I think the first question would be why is she constantly seeking reassurance? What has caused her to be like this?

February 15, 2004
5:07 pm
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ebonyphoenix
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I think that if you know there is a problem and you have recognized it you need to confront her about it. Tell here how she is making you feel when she does those things. Maybe she does have an issue. However what you need to realize is that it is her issue. Therefore the only way that things can begin to change is if she confronts that there is a problem. From there the two of you can work together to handle it.

February 15, 2004
7:13 pm
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free
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Wedo

You ask what you are- if I had to give a name I'd call you "Mr. fix it all."

It's only understandable that you would research and seek to understand her. Kuz then you could fix it, right?

Well, what about you? What about researching and trying to understand your reactions to her? Because truth is, ya just can't control anything a person does, only your reaction to their behavior.

Being so afraid of being without her- what's goin on? What is it that she provides for you? What are you getting out of this relationship? What needs does she satisfy? Are you afraid of being alone? If so, why?

Not trying to cause any discord here- and not meaning to sound as though I have any answers, kuz I don't. It just appeared to me that all the focus is on her and her behavior. But isn't your anxiety around her about you?

free

February 20, 2004
8:23 am
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Anonymous
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wedo, you have to start to think from yourself... if you can't respect yourself, then how can she respect you? she didn't treat you bad... you let her treat you that way... love means that you r happy en respect with each other without responsibility, without suppresion.. u r right ur relationship is not healthy, and thatis wrong... and hell you must change it now.... because u r special...

February 23, 2004
9:55 am
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lewis
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September 30, 2010
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I don't think we can love, or just plain get along together without 'respect'
If i had to choose between being 'loved' or 'respected'
I'd choose 'respected'

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