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What about "No Contact" if she's pregnant?
January 2, 2006
5:14 pm
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babyspook
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I could use some advice on this one. My ex-fiance moved out over a week ago. She's now 5 mths pregnant with my 1st child. She said she didnt want a romantic relationship with me anymore, that I was too needy (ie: co-dependent). She doesnt want anything to do with me and let's me know in every way when I do see her. However, she DOES want me in her life for our child, which I will GLADLY do without question. My problem is that I am still in love with her and every time I see her, it's like the hurt rushes right back in all over again. I realize I need time to heal and the only way I feel I can do this is to NOT contact her for a while. I don't call her anymore (she calls me usually when she needs something), and I really try to keep my distance from her so I can get through this extremely hurtful time. Is folllowing the "No Contact" rule a good thing for me to be doing right now considering she's pregnant? I'm open for anything to include brutal honesty.

January 2, 2006
5:18 pm
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Anonymous
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well, I think that it would be fair to stay out of contact - but are you asking for NO contact - EVEN IF she calls? or are you asking if you think it's fair not to call and to deal with her only when she calls?

I think it all depends on YOUR needs. I also am proud that you want to be there for the baby - that's a good thing. But I think you can do it without "smothering" her. And you are very wise to realize that you need some time to "heal" before you can be around her without hurting over her.

How about telling her your motives and what you need to do - she should understand. Explain you want to respect her wishes - and hope that she will respect yours while you are healing.

Go to coda meetings (codependent anonymous) and get "codependent no more" book - should help with your healing.

If nothing else, see a therapist who can help you resolve your codependency and help you learn how to have a healthy "detached" relationship with her so you can successfully co-parent this baby.

January 2, 2006
5:18 pm
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revelation
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Hello...OK, my situation is that I was pregnant (I miscarried) I would have taken him back...he wanted no contact...for the same reason...after the miscarriage I wanted some support from him, his words where "I can't, I don't want to fall for you again". If she is insistant that you two are not going to be together, then you need to explain your feelings, and that you need some time. I know this is hard for you, I know its a heartwrenching time...but she needs to let you have some space to get over her....there is no other way here.

January 2, 2006
5:20 pm
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CAMER
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hi (((baby))) this is just MY opinion, but i would have to be a lil' more on the "contact" side than the "no contact" side....as long as it is for the purpose of the baby only.......now, she claims that she wants nothing to do relationship wise with you right??? this must be very very diffictult, esp with you loving her, and try to respect that, you are doing the right thing with letting HER contact you for now, i guess the no contact thing is good so you don't get your heart involved anymore, especially if you know the relationship is over....doesn't mean you have to stop a relationship with your upcoming child, and you will still have to have a relationship with the childs mother.

During your ex's pregnancy, take the time to work on yourself, i know this is so much easier "said than done", and still be there for your ex gf, and try to understand her reasoning for not wanting a romantic relationship.

(((my prayers and thoughts go your way))))

love, camer

January 4, 2006
2:18 am
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loved
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Babyspook

I would say give her some space. She knows how feel about her. With her being pregnant and dealing with emotional issuse and everything give her that. I am not saying dont call her at all. Call every once in a while and ask about her pregnancy and if she needs anything. When she calls you do u conversate with her about the relationship or do u keep it strictly what she is calling about. Also remember she called it off with you. So you might even need a little space to adjust to this situation. You never know if you can deal with this break with out pressuring her she might see that you are not that needy.

May 25, 2018
7:08 am
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darrenkw
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My girlfriend said she needed space from me and is now 12 weeks preganant. I half way initiated the no contact rule but messaged her 3 days later. It was the day after mother’s day. I told her I know she asked for space and I wasn’t trying to bother her but wanted to wish her happy mother’s day and hoped she had a great day. Her response was mother’s day was yesterday. I told her I know and got no response. I then told her that I realize that it was a mistake to message her and for her to contact me when she wanted to talk. That was almost 2 weeks ago and I haven’t talked to her sense. We have a doctors appointment this next Tuesday. My question is should I go? Prior to the breakup I told her because of work I told her that I wouldn’t be able to be at all doctors appointments but would try to make as many as I could. She told me that it’s not necessary because they are just checkups. I know that they will be listening to the baby’s heartbeat for the first time on this next appointment and really want to be there for that. I also love her dearly and know that my needy and clingy behavior is what drove her away. I don’t want to push her further away but really want to hear that heartbeat.

May 31, 2018
8:29 pm
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ShiningLight
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Yes, you should go because you are the father. Behavioral changes like mood swings are actually very normal with pregnant women so you should be the one to adjust. Tend to her because she needs your more than anything else.

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