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Were you the one who was dumped?
May 24, 2005
1:21 pm
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2bstrong
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I was. And I am really upset about it today. It has been exactly 2 months ago today that my fiancee of 15 months / significant other of ten and a half years told me "he didn't want to go down that road!" (marriage) I am so angry because I didn't ask or beg him to marry me. I am a truly good and kind, caring person. I might be coda, I don't know. That doesn't matter to me today. What matters is that a person I loved ripped the rug out from under my life and doesn't feel any remorse about doing it.

I am hurt and floundering because I invested in his life and loved his family, and took great care to be interested in his life. And now, all of that is gone. I feel thrown away like trash.

2b

May 24, 2005
1:31 pm
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Randomwomen2
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hunny i am sorry i know you are probbly tired of hearing this but it will ge easer. And his family felt your love even if your ex didnt want it. Your love did not go to waste love never does it always has a purpous and you will find some one who wont treat you like that i know you will you do sound like a sweet and caring person and any man would be lucky to have you. I am so glad you didnt bag him cause that would have just caused you more heart ache.
I hope you feel better soon
w/love
Julie

May 24, 2005
1:32 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi 2b,

Yes, I was dumped 3 days ago. I am also very hurt and angry.

I have put up with so much in this relationship. I have invested so much time and energy into have a healthy, mature, loving relationship with this man. We endured alcoholism, drug addiction, financial irresponsiblity, car repossesion, lies, lies...lies and still I stood by him and tried to make it work.

A few days ago, he was extremely disrespectful to me (see - what was your breaking point for details) and when I stood up for myself and told him I would not tolerate it he told me we were through.

I am hurt, angry and everything else that goes along with it but you know what....I also feel okay. I know that I did absolutely nothing wrong and this is not my problem to fix.

I will survive!

Good luck to you and stay strong

May 24, 2005
1:33 pm
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I'm so sorry that you are feeling so badly 2B. I too, was dumped. We were only together for a year, but I loved him and hoped we would spend the rest of our lives together. It does not really compare to the length of time you spent with your fiance, but I am sad nonetheless. People keep telling me that I deserve better, and asking me why I would want to be with someone that doesn't want me? That I am better off finding out now, rather than after we were married, etc... I guess I have been listening afterall (even though I wasn't really believing it previously) because that is exactly what I am going to tell you... You deserve someone that wants you 100%, without a doubt in their mind. You don't want to settle for someone that "doesn't want to go down that road"...Work through your pain and you will come out so much stronger in the end!!!!! I understand how badly you feel, but I have read many of your posts and I can tell from your words that you are a wonderful woman who deserves great things in this life. Believe That!!!!

May 24, 2005
1:54 pm
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CAMER
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i think part of being "dumped" is losing "control"...now you don't have the control to end things...he/she does......and that's part of codependency, is giving up that control. I think though, that we all learn a good deal from being dumped, sometimes its a blessing in disguise!

May 25, 2005
5:08 pm
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goldengirl
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i was dumped almost a year ago and for about 3 months i stayed in just went to work and sleep and finally i made up in my mind that i would have a good cry and take one day at a time i was with my ex for 6 years and I thanky God every day he removed me from that relationship. Because he was emotionally and mentally abusive and now he is on Crack cocain in real bad shape and i just can't imagine being tied up in something like that to anyone who is reading this if a person leaves they were not ment to be with you. God always has something better for you.

May 25, 2005
5:15 pm
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2bstrong
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Thank you guys for the kind words and support. It means a lot to me, especially on the hurting days.

Goldengirl--
Thank you for the encouragement and the gentle reminder of higher power. It is what keeps me going on.

Love to all of you--2b

May 25, 2005
5:38 pm
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Hurts_so_bad
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Boy, this thread certainly appeared at the right time for me 🙁

(See my thread for the latest.....)

May 25, 2005
6:04 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi 2b: I was dumped the first time, I dumped him the 2nd time, it was a mutual dumping the third time although he thinks it was his idea. I felt the same as you after he sucked me in to his life, enmeshed me w/ his family and then said he found someone else. He was so needy and sucked the life out of me, only to strengthen himself. Well there have been at least 30 someones since me- all dif shapes, sizes, colors and ages, most w/ hair and the new one is bald. He made me feel like trash - just like you- but now I see him for the trash he is, not me. after seeing his parade of women, i still feel sick- but now it is because I didn't see him for the creep he is. He made me hate myself more than I hate him. SD

May 25, 2005
8:00 pm
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exoticflower
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Oh, 2b. I have been dumped by someone I loved more than anyone ever, I do feel your pain. It was years before I really got the hurt out of my system, though looking back I realize that I clung to it, waving it as a bright flag in the air "HE HURT ME". And then I began to forget, bit by bit. I stayed single for a while, and abstinant too, and eventually I could go to our old hangouts without crying, listen to Bob Dylan without relating every hurtful line to him and what he had done, I started to wake up and realize that I was on whatever side of the bed I wanted to, I started to catch myself daydreaming about MY future instead of mourning OURS, I started to notice boys looking at me, even notice boys who wheren't looking at me without thinking 'oh, wouldn't THAT make him want me back...then one day one of my friends asked how I was feeling over Luka and I said "What?".

It was amazing. I had somehow, by some miracle, been deep in thought about SOMETING ELSE. It was mostly time, and doing things for myself and on my own. 5 years later, I can say it was one of the best things to ever happen to me...I was so young when we met and didn't really know myself outside of the promiscuity before him and then as his girlfriend. I really got to become me and learn what that meant at that time.

It will happen. I am so sorry you feel this way now though.

May 25, 2005
8:02 pm
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exoticflower
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We where not engaged, by the way. We where togeather for 3 and a half years, and lived togeather the whole time, though.

May 26, 2005
9:16 am
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2bstrong
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Hurts: I've been keeping up with your thread, and the no contact club thread, too. Here we are again, all of us...((((hurts))))

sdesigns & eflower...
That is what I need to hear. Time reveals and heals everything, doesn't it? I keep jumping back and forth from anger/resentment and sadness right now. But I will say this: Everyday I get a little bit better. The section of blue sky gets a little bit bigger. Everyday, I let go just a little bit more.

with love to all of you, 2b.

May 26, 2005
9:39 am
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Deena
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thought I would jump in...Yeah I was the one dumped and like the rest of you, I loved this person more than anything (other than my kids) He up and left, then to hear that he returned to his ex. We were together almost 4 years and engaged. So glad marriage never happpened. His ex put me thru hell and I hate the fact that it never really mattered to him because he went right back to her. He says "she's hot". Ewe! and a little neurotic too. whatever. Im still bitter. Breakup was 2 months ago. Im starting to see my life is better without him. Being apart is allowing me to see the real mess I allowed him to make of my life.

May 26, 2005
9:44 am
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2bstrong
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Hi deena woman.

Jump in anytime! I have literally prayed for clarity so that I could see the relationship as it really was, not as I wanted or hoped it to be.

I have to be honest and say that even though these past two months have been tough--I have been able to see how much I allowed him to control my life when we were together.

I still miss him. But I know that that will pass, and I will be better off for it.

May 26, 2005
10:00 am
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kc30
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2b
Here's the very very cool thing that has happened to me.

Last year, my husband started an affair and moved out. Then he confessed the affair, moved back home, but wouldn't end the affair. To me, I was dumped. I wanted to be with him and he didn't want to be with me. I felt the exact same way...thrown away like trash.

Now....over a year has passed. The events didn't change, but my perspective has because I no longer want to be with him. Even though it was his actions that ended our marriage, I don't feel dumped anymore because I don't want him. I know if he came crawling back, I would say no...it doesn't even matter if he does come back anymore. I know the answer and the outcome. That is unbelievably empowering (although I hoped for that chance to say no for awhile!)

My situation IS a bit different, I threw him out this last time and I filed for divorce. So really, who dumped who?

Perspective changes over time as your heart heals. I felt very poorly done by (and I was) in the beginning, and very, very victimized (which was also true) but as my strength came back, and my self esteem recovered, and I realized that he was no longer what I wanted, I actually felt like the "dumper"...even though he's the one who is with another woman.

Weird eh?
kc

May 26, 2005
11:38 am
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gazelle
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WELL DONE and well said, kc. Our feelings can change with a change of perception & perspective. And we CAN have control over that. Thanks! 🙂

May 26, 2005
12:25 pm
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2bstrong
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Not weird at all. Healthy comes to my mind.

Thanks, kc. Is it the old adage that "time heals everything?" Or is your personal conviction and strength of spirit? Or bit of both?

In any case, what matters is that you are in a better and healthier place. No longer victim--owning our own power and in charge of our own lives.

May 26, 2005
12:28 pm
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2bstrong
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This is my emotional improvement goal:

"I don't feel dumped anymore because I don't want him." --kc30

I want to be able to say these words and mean them!

May 26, 2005
1:01 pm
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Deena
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oh listen to this...About being dumped...like KC said..I don't feel dumped anymore...well, interesting phone call this morning from the ex- complete loser that he is refuses to give me my stuff back of course- then makes a remark about the guy he thinks I am seeing...ooh a bit jealous are we? Then decides to talk shit again...saying you know me Deena- you know what I am capable of...I said phuck you- next time you call I will slap harrassment charges on you. I said we are going to court because you refuse to pay me or give me my stuff. Then I called him a white trash piece of shit. WHew...I must say it felt really good. For once I felt like I had the upper hand. He sounded like a complete loser. Wanna hear something funny....

His girlfriends sister called me a few days ago to ask me something and to tell me about her trip to the shore. Apprently a bunch of people went. She said my ex was soooooo very drunk that he punched holes in the hotel room, pissed on the floor, wiped boogies and blood all over the walls. WHO DOES THAT? I had to say something to him about that when he called. He didn't know what to say. I said ewe- you are gross and immature. Grow the phuck up. I told him he was oh so classy and I was ambarrassed that I even dated him. Needless to say I got the last word and I feel good. Thank God we are not together. so with that said...NO i do not feel dumped. At least not today.

THanks for listening!

May 26, 2005
1:03 pm
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Deena
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ewe I just reread my post.... I even had to laugh again. Wiping boogies on the wall? Oh then he told me it was pizza? still phucking gross. Classy fellow I must say.

May 26, 2005
1:53 pm
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2bstrong
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Deena,

As the Dali Lama would say:

"Welcome to enlightenment."

May 26, 2005
10:34 pm
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InPainZHT
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I was the one dumped 9 months ago..... and yes, it is basically a loss of control issue... with me, anyway- according to my therapist. And it makes sense.

She and I got back together a few months back... i'm a stronger person, with more will... more conviction... no longer codependant... AND, two weeks ago, I dumped HER. Not out of revenge mind you, but because I learned that she wasn't going to change (keep going through the same mistakes over and over and refused therapy to fix her problem).

And BOY did it feel good to be the dumpER and not the dumpEE.

InPain

May 27, 2005
5:52 am
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momilani
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2B- I'm so sorry you are working to mend a broken heart. There's nothing worse than that sort of pain.

My husband of 5 years suddenly up and left 9 months ago and I have not been dealing with it well. I loved him very much and I thought he loved me back just as much. We had a wonderful marriage, which is why it was such a shock when he left and it shattered my life.

I don't know when it will stop hurting, but I know it will one day. It has to. I also have faith that there was a reason for this. You and I will look back on this seemingly senseless incidence and sigh with relief that it happened. This amount of pain cannot be experienced without reason.

Hang in there.

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