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Well, it's done...
July 24, 2005
12:36 am
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Anonymous
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Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. Another broken heart. I tried to "discuss" the issues tonight with my bf about some serious problems/red flags that are in our relationship, but as usual he threw up a brick wall immediately, lost his temper and verbally attacked me, and then demanded to be taken back to his vehicle so he could get outta here. His typical response, so I am not surprised. The only difference this time is that I AM DONE!!!

I have stuck with him thru the difficulties of losing a job (and still not having one 2 years later), selling everything he owned and moving back into his parent's home (he's 40 years old and has been there for a year now), filing for bankruptcy, problems with overindulging in alcohol, telling lies and then when confronted with them, the defense would be that "certain things are his own private business" and that I'm a "stalker" for checking out what he tells me instead of taking his word for it. Like the time I gave him some cash for him to by food, gas, phone minutes and he went straight to the casino with it, then lied about it. And on and on it goes. There is more, but need I really say it? I've been a fool, and it's very easy to see by going back and reading what I've just typed:(

As he very hurriedly grabbed his things, and darted out the door tonight, I told him that I was sorry things ended up this way, and of course he yelled that I could thank myself for that. I told him I hoped he knew what he was doing, because if he wasn't willing to stay and talk this out, as far as I was concerned, I couldn't continue in this relationship. He said yes, and he didn't want to be here anyway. That I was a multi-personality b*&#ch, and that I should mind my own business from now on. He couldn't leave fast enough. Of course, he called about 15 minutes after he left to try to talk further with me. I didn't realize it was him or I wouldn't have answered the phone. I really didn't expect him to call right back. It showed up on my caller id as "wireless call", and I thought it might be one of my boys calling from a cell phone. We talked briefly, but I basically told him that when he decided to run instead of stay and calmly talk things out, I meant what I said. This relationship has run its course. It has nowhere else to go. Well, he didn't like that and hung up the phone. Now he's calling back, and I'm not answering. I am not going to continue to subject myself to his childish behavior.

However, that doesn't stop me from hurting right now. I know what I have to do now, and it pains me so. I know he will try to contact me after he calms down. He thinks it will all blow over, but he is wrong this time. The window of opportunity has passed. I was willing until he ran out that door, and I knew that he was leaving here for the last time.

I'm writing all this out so that you guys will help hold me accountable. The best thing for him is to lose me. He knows that I love him, and will try to use that information to play on my emotions. But I am determined to be true to myself. I have been enabling him to take the steps he needs to take care of himself. I have been "mothering" him like he was another one of my sons. I didn't want him to hurt. I wanted to "fix" things for him. He was hemorraging, and I was trying to stop the bleeding with nothing more than a band-aid. I HATE BEING SO CO-DEPENDENT!!! IT REALLY SUCKS RIGHT NOW! I am disappointed in myself for continuing to repeat the same old patterns in my life over and over and over again. Well the buck stops here, right now, today!!! The things I have read here over the past couple of weeks have helped me to renew my resolve to do the right thing and detach myself from an unhealthy relationship. I should have known trying to talk to him about ANYTHING personal would cause a train wreck. I guess I knew what was going to happen, just put off the inevitable.

Well in a way, I feel a sense of relief. But I am also very very sad. I am aware that I am now standing in the line that leads to the rollercoaster of emotions that comes with No Contact. But I HAVE TO DO IT! Many of you have been my encouragement, and I have witnessed what you have experienced as you have walked this very road.

The phone has stopped ringing now. I know I am NOT responsible for his meltdown! Any words of advice or encouragement??? I'm feeling sick at my stomach:(

July 24, 2005
2:19 am
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angel4U
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(((((((plzdon'tsayuneedme))))))))

Good for you, girl!!! But I am so sorry you are having to go through this pain!

It sounds like this guy has many MAJOR issues ... addiction, anger, control, manipulation, denial, irresponsibility, no self-motivation, inability to communicate ... and truly is not ready for a relationship with ANYONE!

The only words of advise I can give you is to stay true to yourself and what you want & deserve in a relationship. And don't settle for less! He has some serious problems that only HE can work on. And for him to blame you for his immaturity is a total COP OUT!!!

And please, no more calling yourself a fool, ok? You obviously had to go through this experience to learn something, so grab on to what that is and run with it!

hang in there, plz, and keep posting!!!

Many hugs & blessing comin' atcha!!!

angel4u

July 24, 2005
9:52 am
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Anonymous
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Thank you angel. I could use one (angel) about now:)

It's been a rough night. Not much sleep, but I'm confident I did the right thing. You just NAILED him perfectly. Everything you described above is absolutely spot on, I have just been ignoring it all because I enjoyed his company so. (We never fight unless I try to talk to him about personal things that are going on in his life). So, as long as I keep my mouth shut, we are very compatible, totally enjoy each other's company, do fun things together, etc. Well, I'm old enough to know that that is akin to "playing house". And at this point in my life, I want a relationship with someone who is not only compatible, but knows what they want and who they are. This guy is still lost (and he's 40...never been married, no kids). He's still playing like he did when he was a teenager. Has NEVER grown up, not one bit!

So, thanks for your words of encouragement. I'm gonna need alot of it over the next few weeks. I'm kicking myself right now for putting up with this for so long. Actually, in the beginning, I told myself to enjoy the ride, that I wouldn't fall for him, and just to have fun and let my hair down. Ha! Well my "fun" has just turned into great heartache. I deserve it, because I walked head on into it knowing full well what I was doing. I take responsibility for my own pain here. As I should. Because I KNEW better! Thanks for taking the time to listen to me babble:)

July 24, 2005
9:56 am
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Anonymous
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Oh, and Angel, I just read the Characteristics of Emotional Maturity Thread. You have GREAT timing, my dear! lol

Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting it "in my face"!

Hugs to you!!!

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