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Well.....I did it.
November 9, 2005
12:53 pm
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lollipop3
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LOL....Ali.

I actually do not live "near" the coast but being in RI.....nothing is far away.

You know what they say about the smallest state in the union.....you blinked....you just missed RI.

I actually live on the RI/MA border.

Perhaps we can make that a plan someday. I love the beach.

Unfortunately, I don't know anything about the schools. I do not have children and I wouldn't recommend the school's that I went to . That's the best I can do I'm afraid.

Lolli

November 9, 2005
12:53 pm
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Shaney
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Oh yeah, keep "bust" okay. What does that mean? Keep "broke?" "Poor." Keep your boobs in the air? What the..

November 9, 2005
12:55 pm
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lollipop3
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Shaney.....have I ever told you how much I love you.......LOL

November 9, 2005
12:58 pm
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Shaney
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I might have to give you a three minute hug if I ever see you... :o)
right back at you little lover.

November 9, 2005
1:38 pm
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Lolli,

that puts you near fall river, no?...I ask because my job would be for Pella and my interview would be out in Fall River....I think that's the area you are probably speaking of.

We camp at Worden's pond campground, which is down on Rte 1 - 20 mins or less to ALL beaches - including Moonstone...lol...I never got the courage to go there - from what I hear, there are still topless people there - I wouldn't want to scare anyone!!!!

Anyway - I love RI - Wakefield is "home" to me - and I love the beaches. I was there at the beginning of the season and it was COLD - but I did the beach thing anyway - came home with all my pockets full of sea glass and rocks.

Charlestown Breachway had an UNUSUALLY high number of dead starfish there this year - I could not believe the THOUSANDS washed up - already dead - my daughter tried to throw them back - but they were dead and just kept washing up, more and more....think it was one of the early storms.

Anyway, rambling...thinking of the ocean is making me feel better today - it's cold and gloomy and I feel arthritic today...yet only 34!

November 9, 2005
1:52 pm
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CAMER
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wait...i want to meet you both Lolli & Ali... now too.......for some (((hugs)))) Fall River is only 20 minutes away from me!!!!!!

November 9, 2005
1:54 pm
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Anonymous
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hmmmmmmmm, thinking maybe I should look into that job posting after all!!!!

can we get shaney to move out here too?????

November 9, 2005
2:02 pm
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kathygy
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Lolli,

You did the right thing by ending this relationship. I know how much it can hurt but you will heal.

Just remember your memory of your first date is really a memory about a man that was acting as though he was a great guy. But that's all it was, an act. He is not a great guy at all.

His reaction to you ending it sounds like he was doing his best to try to get you to believe that it didn't hurt him and to hurt you back. I doubt if he really meant all those things he said.

Keep all the things he did to hurt you and mistreat you in mind. This helps keep him and relationship off the pedestal and will help you let go.

You deserve so much more. You deserve a man that cares about what is on your mind, who is interested in what you have to say, who is willing to acknowledge and talk through issues with you as an adult.

This man sounds very imature and unhealthy. You don't need to put up with all the dysfunction and mistreat of you he bought into the relationship.

You are a sweet and loving woman who deserves only the best.

love,
kathy

November 9, 2005
2:02 pm
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Giggles_29
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Way to go!! I hope that when the time comes for me i can muster up enough guts to do what you did. I am almost there. I cannot keep pretending that my relationship is okay and that everything will work out. It won't and i realize that now. I hope i can be as brave as you someday. Thanks for the share.

November 9, 2005
2:30 pm
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Shaney
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I'm a California girl - but I'm willing to travel! Count me in - we'll tear it up out there!

November 9, 2005
2:45 pm
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Greetings from Worcester, MA!

November 9, 2005
3:05 pm
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exoticflower
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"Keep all the things he did to hurt you and mistreat you in mind. This helps keep him and relationship off the pedestal and will help you let go. "-Kathygy

Thanks for this, I know it's lollis thread here, but I could stand to hear such a suggestino as that myself!

November 9, 2005
4:34 pm
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lollipop3
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Kathy,

Thank you so much for your kind words......

"You deserve so much more. You deserve a man that cares about what is on your mind, who is interested in what you have to say, who is willing to acknowledge and talk through issues with you as an adult."

Believe it or not....that is exactly what pushed me over the edge. As he was telling me that he wasn't interested in what I was saying and I should talk about something else.....that was when I felt like a trapped animal. Have you ever felt that way.... Where you are free to leave but yet feel completely trapped?

I thought to myself....wait a minute here....I am an intelligent, educated woman. I have passion, I have opinions, I have ideas and I will not be stifled! I think that is what threatens him the most. That I am intelligent.

Everytime I try to talk about anything that interests me, whether it be something I learned in school, a book I have read, a program or movie I like, anything....he is totally uninterested.

I am way too interesting to be with someone so uninterested.

Anway, I know I am rambling. I just wanted to thank you.

Love,
Lolli

November 9, 2005
4:38 pm
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lollipop3
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Hi Ali,

No, I am not near Fall River. Well not far either...it's about 30 minutes away.

I am actually right in the corner of RI bordering S.Attleboro and Seekonk Mass.

I see we have another neighbor in Worcester....which is also about 30 min. away.

I seem to be centrally located where everything is about 30-40 minutes away! LOL

I didn't realize Moonstone was still operating as a nude beach. I know it was years ago. My sister went when she was 18......burned her boobies pretty good! I wouldn't recommend it!

Perhaps we will get to meet some day.....stranger things have happened.

Love,
Lolli

November 9, 2005
4:40 pm
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Anonymous
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Lolli,

On a different level, my dad does that.

I have come to realize he is threatened by the fact that I am smarter than he is. I can make the same point about the same thing a hundred different ways - and he still won't understand, no matter how elementary I make it.

So, instead, he flips the situation around, starts on his verbal attacks that leave me feeling like a five year old crybaby...then I cry, then he calls me a crybaby and then I flee in shame for crying.

As I got older, say in my late 20's, I got better at controlling the tears. Instead, they turned to rage. But I was always so angry at him for doing it.

Then, recently, in my recover, I realized that he couldn't compete with my intelligence, so his only defense was to push my buttons that triggered the inner child, that caused me to cry and flee so he could end the discussion and feel superior, like he won.

Well, he didn't win...not any more. Cuz there is NOTHING superior about making a grown woman cry.

I see your BF on the same level - he can't relate, so he twists it around so he can reduce you to something "less than him" - so he can feel superior.

those days are done.

November 9, 2005
4:53 pm
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Anonymous
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Lolli,

I think it's only a topless beach now, if I am not mistaken.

I got a proposition to go one year, but politely declined.

"camper neighbor" who was going thru midlife crisis - had WAY too many women friends to make even ME comfortable - let alone his wife - funny, he's divorced now!!! LOL.

Anyway - he asked me to go - NEWP! not this chick.

November 9, 2005
5:15 pm
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((((((Lolli)))))) I'm just reading this thread, and I just wanted to say how much I admire you, girl! It's hard to stand up for ourselves, when our hearts truly love the person who is causing the pain. But, because of all the things you have already been thru in your life, you are now more able to see things as they REALLY ARE, and make decisions based on what you KNOW is right for you. Even if it doesn't feel so good (because you DO love him), you are mature enough to accept the fact that not all things (or people) we WANT are good for us.

What's the poem with the line about how good sunshine feels, but even TOO MUCH OF IT can be harmful? Well, that's where I see you. You love this man, yet you are painfully aware that the relationship (as it is) is unhealthy, and you do not want that for yourself even though you may still want him. So you make a choice, even though it pierces your heart, and you take a deep breath, and move forward.

That's where I am right now. I am still desperately in love with my exbf, but I cannot stay in relationship with him because he is in denial and refuses to take personal responsibility for himself and his choices. So I detached in love (the best I knew how), and I have made NO CONTACT for 4 months. (Well there was one insignificant conversation that happened at the 2-month mark, but then I went straight back to silence.) It has been both gutwrenching, yet liberating at the same time. I KNOW I AM DOING THE RIGHT THING! Maybe you will get to that point...maybe you already are.

I wish you all the best however this plays out for you. You are certainly an inspiration to me:)

Love, plz

November 9, 2005
5:20 pm
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Lolli,

On the subject of nude beaches, it's amazing to me that the majority of the people that frequent these beaches OBVIOUSLY do not own a mirror of any sort in their homes!

There is something to be said for positive body image and all, but pulease!!! Spare the rest of us!!!

Ya know... not all of us can be genetically skinny like those Etheopians! (LOL... Sorry, I couldn't resist!)...

TC

November 9, 2005
5:23 pm
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lollipop3
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(((PLZ)))),

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

Your post has articulated exactly how I feel. I did what I did because I felt that I HAD to.

Ali also described it perfectly when she spoke of what her father does and how it makes her feel. I think that is exactly what they do. They don't know how to bring themselves up to our level...so they must try to bring us down to theirs.

I wish that I could have gotten through to him....but despite my best efforts....I couldn't. And I can no longer allow him to bring me down with him.

My thoughts are with you my friend.

Love,
lolli

November 9, 2005
5:29 pm
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lollipop3
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Now, now Tc.....let us not lower ourselves (although that was wicked funny LOL).

I remember one day I went to the beach (a regular beach) and I saw a veryyyyyy large man lying on his stomach. Well, when I first looked he appeared to be naked. Alla, forgive me.....I was hysterical. I could not stop laughing....poor thing. Come to find out, he wasn't naked....he was wearing a thong but because he was so big...it got lost in the translation if ya know what I mean.

Good grief....I wasn't sure what was worse!!!!

Thanks for giving me a giggle...I needed that.

Love,
Lolli

November 9, 2005
6:08 pm
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StronginHim77
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Lol...you are so funny. Your description of the (ahem) fat man at the beach had me in stitches.

November 9, 2005
7:02 pm
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lollipop3
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Thank you Strong,

That was another problem that I had with this whole mess of a relationship.

I'm funny!

Most people think I am funny and I enjoy making people laugh. I come from a long line of very funny people.

And ya know what? He doesn't think I'm funny.

Sometimes when I say something funny, he will just look at me with no response or he will turn my joke into something serious.

Many times I have looked at him and said.....I am funny you know...and I crack myself up.

What a waste!

I just had to get that out.

November 9, 2005
7:05 pm
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lollipop3
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Ever notice how weird the word funny sounds when you've said it too many times?

November 9, 2005
7:09 pm
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I think any word sounds funny when you say it too many times. I've done that and after I while, I start to question myself on whether or not the word is a "real" word or not??? Like, say the word shrub. Shrub,shrub, shrub, shrub, shrub, shrub, shrub, shrub... NOW, I know that a shrub is a small tree-like plant, but after saying it several hundred times in a row, it just sounds totally rediculous!!!! Shrub?! What the hay??? Who came up with that silly name?

Do you think I have too much time on my hands?

November 9, 2005
7:14 pm
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Oh and I am funny too, dammit!!!!
Although, my ex always thought I was funny. He would always laugh at my stories and jokes. At least, I THOUGHT he was laughing WITH me!!! Hmmmmmmm.... maybe he wasn't! Maybe while I was talking (and totally cracking myself up), he was plotting evil ways to hurt me... and these thoughts are what he found so amusing!!!! It wasn't me! Ugh!!! He wasn't laughing WITH me, he was laughing AT me!!! Oh no! I've been duped!!!

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