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Weird Break Through - How I got where I am.
June 27, 2006
2:04 am
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DoTheyNetwork
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I was posting on an other thread and it just hit me. I remember reading other threads and seeing people talking about how people set themselves up to get invloved with situations they are in.

Hmmmm ? Why doesnt anyone or very few people really know me and I live in a small town.

This is the nut shell version and I have to go and write in my journal plus get to bed.

Long ago in a far away galaxy young DTN wanted to live his own life and explore many things and people kick up a fuss if they cannot understand Why. At present - it may not seem like it at times but I am trying to be a Christian. But manys years ago I was exploring martial Arts, Ninja things , Native American wood lure and warriors and had some special ops types in my past that were so good at blending into the people around them that no one even knew that they were standing next to real war hero's. They just thought that those were nice older men that knew allot of things. 🙂

So to make a long story short I just realised that I used what I learned about not standing out to keep nosey people out of my busyness and have been doing it automatically for almost 30 years.

I grew up around abusive people plus alcohol and drugs and became so used to disgusing what I was doing or not talking about what I was doing or speaking what I really ment because I have had predatory types use what I have said to ply prey and pretend that they thought it up themselves.

No wonder people look shocked when I slam belligerent people or take on people that appear to be ( or think they are) above my social status and win. I just ignore them until they set themselves up and then I have enough to work with so that something comes out of my mouth that lets them know that there big bulls horns are not so big after all. Even if it is not confrontational but makes them think.

It seems that I have gotten so used to flying Under peoples Radar - so to speak - for so long that it became a lifestyle.

I feel like the Invisible man at times.

Can anyone relate to this in any way or should I get more sleep ? LOL

DTN

June 27, 2006
8:29 am
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smarterone
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I can related but get more sleep anyway cause this is the real world. Surprise

June 27, 2006
5:04 pm
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DoTheyNetwork
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ROFL 🙂 That is the problem - or at least a problem for a few people. It is Reality for me. It is my life.They didnt believe me if I did open my mouth until I took a couple people hiking. And they didnt want to do it again. One wanted to learn but he was just bored and was more interested in having stories to tell then carring about the environment he was in plus he hurt his ankle. Another was a married woman and I didnt want to start with her and I found out awhile after that - that she was cheating on her husband. She was a female charmer. A very sneaky lady. She would try to get to much warm eye contact with me the second her husband looked away. Not Good !!!! I still can not tell if she even knew what she was doing or was just wired that way.
I am in my 40's and single and what I did not need was being out in the sticks with some lady that could almost be a model twisting my head up in knots.

One day I threw three acorns at a deer and she did not have a clue what was going on until I hit her with one. She didnt see me right away but knew where to look and she did not think my little joke was funny. I had to come up with some very Humble body language to keep her from coming after me. Even a 120 pound doe has four hooves and can bite too- not to mention that she could jump over things as high as my head. 🙂

What many do not understand is how many hours you have to spend to have the opportunity to pull something like that. That may be a once in a lifetime thing or it could happen again next week. Dont worry the deer got me back she came to my house at 1:30 AM and cleaned out my bird feeder. I watched her do it.

That is why I come here to aac. I believe peoples stories about how sneaky and underhanded - N's, Charmer/ Abusers can be. Sneaky people act the same way large game animals act when they are by a trail that is well traveled by humans. There is allot of dense forest where I live and the game animals feed just a good stones throw off of the trails allot of times and I have watched deer that would not even lift their heads to look at an ATV going by on the trail. I watched one deer that hardly gave an excited dog a glance and the owner was so busy trying to straighten the dog out she never seen what it was getting excited about. LOL

People that are up to something and are used to doing it - think it is normal. They fly under the Radar and if you are already there - ( For better reasons 🙂 you see things.

But it is hard to get things done at times when people have other peoples opinions of my reality and no actual facts. I used to get insulted when someone didnt believe I actually did the art I trying to show them. I had to stop myself from buying some paint to match the local small town Highway signs so I could paint them over at 3:00AM with " N City Limits - Full to Capacity "

I have to go now !

June 27, 2006
5:51 pm
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thumkin
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Huh?

June 28, 2006
12:48 am
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DoTheyNetwork
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What I am trying to say is that after trying to off set growing up -at least inpart - in a small town and being different. Years ago I offset negative comments, dis-belief and indifferance by following my interests in many not so Obvious ways. I Never Told Anyone. Conventional thinking works like this-a person gets out of high school and if they are not going to further their education they get a job and better like it That is it.............. You have a job and you better not complain (read - tell it like it is) I ran into hard opposition for the last decade of my life because my thinking was more Metropolitan. LOL In other words if I needed something different from my work curcumstances I would do what most people would. Look for another job. Some small comunities have such a deep seated sense of Community ????? Or as some one put it awhile back on aac. The boundries between families and neighbors are Blurry.

I will be back in a few BRB

June 28, 2006
1:14 am
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DoTheyNetwork
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I was gossiped about and Rumor had it that I had to be alittle slow because I did not fit into that blurryness. 🙂 In other words I didnt think I needed clearance from the people around me to have my own Life and I would not argue about what I deemed to be Common Sense. Following my intrests and going for it... When the management of my employment could not or would not change jobs for 30 years because they are scared of fallout form the owners of the business they have been working for and fear of the stability of other possible jobs in the area I live in they get clingy or Offended - IMHO because of Denial - when someone comes along and does not share their fears.

Sorry I have to get my clouthes in the dryer BRB

June 28, 2006
2:41 am
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DoTheyNetwork
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Some folks get alittle Defensive. Some folks cannot figure out why I do not or cannot be like them. The population of the town I live in is Maybe 1000 and the next town to it might be 200 more and they get Uppity about it. 🙂 LOL WoooHooo the big time ! 🙂 If you plan to get a job and save money to move you better not tell anyone because they wont hire you. Traiters ! The good jobs open up when someone retires or passes on. Im Not Kidding !!!!!!!! Some people have been work for the same families that are turning over their business to the third generation.

The sad part is that the area I live in Could Flat Out Rock. But I have to get around the social structure. The same people win the local art awards year after year because of who they know. Lord knows I have out sold them at times. 🙂 But I dont let them know what I am really up to because someone will want to argue the point and then if I get hot and put them in their place they go the the same place for breakfast every morning and make up things because they have the people they dupped there and are Paying me back for standing my ground. LOL And that has bled into to many of my work situations and caused trouble with people trying to steer things behind the scenes because I obviously am a dreamer. ROLF

Im getting nailed one way or the other and it is like trying to stay out or Sick relationships with half of the County. My latest job is better but I am still working on catching up because of all of the Drugs and Drinking around here must breed codependancy and since I am not the norm I get some people who attache themselves to me and anumber who expect me to be C to them. It is like being in a Disfunctional Relationship with a very large Tight Extended Family. I was trying to get one woman with a very public job ( a sort of town mom) to detach and all she knew of me is what Others told her and she thought that was solid intel LOL judgeing from the look on her face when she seen some of my art she was flabbergasted.......... She had to catch herself from being to rude because I heard her say YOU did that ? I is just Normal for me to Do That. :)Hence I have always had a hard time dealing with this crud and developed the habit of flying under their Radar so to speak because if I opened my mouth and said I made a few dollars some thought I hit it big and I have had bosses cut my hours without asking - to help me out of course and add hours when I didnt need it because someone thought they where helping me out and then when I caught them and someone admitted it they would not talk about it anymore and just ignored me so I had these helpful behind the scenes managers of my life sneaking up on me and then getting mad at me for all of the trouble they went through second and third party guessing and running around like Monkeys in my life. Why didnt they just ask me what I needed ? LOL My gosh are they trying to give me and Ulcer ????? To answer that question when some did ask they would cut me off and try to finish my sentences for me. And most of the time I was so busy try to Re-Claim lost ground that I did not have time to Catch them. I caught some at calling the next place I was going to to have them ask me questions.

No wonder I started to fly under the radar so to speak. It gives me a headache just thinking about it all.

STOP THE INSANITY ! Aaaaah !

Un Real

What do you think of that ? Anyone ? 🙂 LOL
DTN

June 28, 2006
3:37 pm
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thumkin
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I think if there was that much controlling issues I would consider moving. However, it may just be that I am slow and having a hard time following you. Im still not sure I understand exactly what you are saying. It sounds kindof like you are saying you have to be sneaky. Doesnt that bother the crap out of you? It would me. My b/f lives in one of those small towns with probably about 500 people. I have learned that they are all up in everyones business. He seems to handle it well though. We just dont talk about our doings, coming, and goings unless we want people to know. Sometimes it may come across as rude but they have known him long enough to know he just feels like its none of thier business. It may help that he doesnt work in that community.

June 28, 2006
9:50 pm
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DoTheyNetwork
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Thumkin > You got the point. Part of the sneaky -well sort of- comes in with old friends and some relatives because their was so much drinking and drugs and in some cases still is and I quit that stuff years ago. I used them to take the edge off Because I am a private person around most people. The really Petty back bitting and bickering drives me crazy. I like to explore the whys of life and or talk about them but allot of people dont. As a child I would be the kid - Trying to be left alone to read a book at family gatherings. When I become facinated with something I prefer to keep looking into it.

I have to get something to eat now but will try to - Hmmm ? Maybe expand on this later so If I can Explain it I can understand it more too. I cam home from work two hours ago and never had supper. 🙂

I will leave of with - Im what some people call a work-N-fool so I dont loose my train of thought. 🙂

June 28, 2006
11:49 pm
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DoTheyNetwork
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Ok - It does not seem to matter where I live - To me this sounds sort of N but evidently I am the sort of person that employers want to keep and I have a mind of my own. A number of my past employers have Offered to get me in different environments to find me a wife LOL Everything from churches, social circles and even exotic dancers, very pretty ones-just to bribe me to stay. Their thinking ran like this - find the horse a mate and get him to settle down-Here..... LOL I think that is weird ! People seem to like me. ROFL That sounds stupid but people get somewhat mad when they cannot get me to play their game. I have been offered profit sharing and partnerships from contractors to loggers + management positions in other things.

And all I want to do is be left to my own devices. 🙂 And I do make it clear that I mind my own business and expect them to mind theirs.
They know it !

BRB

June 29, 2006
1:28 am
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DoTheyNetwork
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My life went from reading that book at family events to being 20 and doing 60 MPH down a country lane with no one in sight and a beer in my lap, a bowl of weed in one hand and a six gun in the other shooting signs at 60 and hitting them or playing bumper cars at 85 on freeways with real company vehicals with the boss - he started it 🙂 and those were the folks that Tried to set me up with the exotic dancers ( I wonder which one he will pick thing -I was insulted that someone even tried that one me) and now I reclaimed the ground I lost and am back to creating art and living out some of my childhood dreams.

So I think I am sensitive and maybe just alittle Bitter when I decide to work for me and have ended up working over 10 years in most of my spare time to get my art back on track. I am in my 40's now and have been to the doctors for dehydration and almost-should have been in the hospital a couple of times because because I would go for weeks on what should be sleep for a week or so. Way to many times.

I have told what should be the right people the face to face version of what they Need to Know or should be an adequate explanation for and adult. LOL Thank God my newest employer seems to get it. So Far.

I get angery when I have put all of my buget that I could , all of my spare or rationable time and everythig I have and had into it because I believe my work can make a difference .

I see now that dispite my smart mouth at times that I have and almost Native American or Monk like reverence for nature and life. A sacred trust that we have been given called life and when I see an employer laughing at some young person that just got clean and they are proud of the work they have done I set them straight. My last job was like that and I believe in giving people a chance and not shooting them down for egotistical reasons. That is a betrayal of that trust. The people cutting others down should have the guts some of those kids have and get clean themselves.

That is about all that I can sort out for now.

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