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weaned off medication trying to learn copoing skills need help
February 7, 2010
10:50 am
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sexychoclady
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Well it has been about one month with God's grace and doctors help, I have victory over depression. And so ever since i having been making strides by working, exercise and what ever distactions i need to keep busy.Through reflection i recently became aware of the need to nuture my inner child. I really dont know how..Need Help

Because it is this emotional place i keep looking for love. I like others am the product of two damaged adults. After years of the blame game , I am over this.

Last nite I realize I have to be in a huge amount of pain to have thoughts of wanting to die,abuse my sleep aid, and over eat until i am numb. I clearly can see the connection back to when i was seven yrs old and wanted to be loved. There was no one there.It is this place i keep looking for a man to save me and enhance my life. I can see the ill patterns..

Well i really don't want to die, sleep, or over eat anymore.I want to live. I just dont know how.

For the first time in my life i want to get over this. This is the core of what's been eating me alive.

Any suggestions PLease I need help....

February 7, 2010
11:08 am
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_anonymous
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sexychocolady- i want to compliment you on taking the first step and that was you identified your prolbem. you also took another giant step when you chose to get off sleeping medications, working and exercise.

just keep focused. dont be hard on yourself if you relapse. if that happens just go back to your plan to stay healthy. it will take time to get adjusted to your healthy lifestyle.

what is it that you want and need?

February 7, 2010
11:37 am
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sexychoclady
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Thanks for responding. I am off the mental health meds...I very much need the sleep aid. Because i have the insomina. It's just that in the past when life happens i would take the sleep aid not to cope for the moment.. I don't want to do that anymore.

I need help on how to heal ur inner child, And how to practice self love.Because i keep looking on line chat rooms,praying hard like God didn't hear me.Looking around the corner for mr right..And nothing.

I am very hard on myself which i was shocked to learn is a sign of low esteem. But i am learning to lighten up some.

Now on the outside i been told very attractive,good job, and own my own home and a few of my wants. So it would appear that i can easily attract a guy. It is whats going on inside and the way i feel thats holding me down.

February 7, 2010
2:54 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Sexychoclady:

First, I want to say good for you. I'm really proud you are taking the steps to better yourself.

I made the same steps a few months ago. I went from 15 meds to 3 and am losing weight, filed for divorce and am changing my life for the better also. I was to the point of just waiting to die also. I know the pain you are feeling.

What I have done is written my goals and when I get down I stop and focus on them. Right now is a hard time. I am on my own, with my daughter. The husband is a real pain in my butt. I also came from a controlling family and I find myself constantly being sucked back into the dysfunction. I choose to stay away as much as possible.

I do get lonely. I also only wanted someone to love me. Right now I am focusing on getting my life in order and getting my daughter thru high school. I also have gone back to college myself. I go to the gym 3-5 times per week. I watch movies. I do whatever I can.

I'm not saying I don't have days when I wonder if what I am doing is right, but then I think about what it was like living as I did and I shake it off and try to focus on something else.

My words to you would be DON"T try to find a guy right now. If you move from one guy to the next you will find yourself again in the same situations. Take some college classes, join a book club, gardening club, ladies quilting, crocheting, some sewing group if you like to sew.

I have a wonderful support group that I never had before. When I feel down I can make a phone call and someone will talk to me. They help keep me focused.

Keep moving on honey. You are doing great. Yes, down times will come, but you will get past them. I am. Just keep looking at the wonderful life you will have once you get yourself on track and maintain your new life for awhile.

I wish you the best and will keep checking back if you want to talk. I'd be glad to be a support buddy for you here.

MamaC

February 7, 2010
3:20 pm
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sexychoclady
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Thank you Mama C gonna take your suggestions about writing down goals. and reading more. I went on line And Gonna startby purchasing Healing the inner child. By Charles L Whitfield..A least this will give me something to do.

And then i wanted to lift you up too. U certainly have alot on ur plate and have made huge strides too. I am so glad i am not alone. When it feels like we are not doing things right. I just tell myself to hold on. Because if i look at where i started from then i know i am doing ok.I am clapping my hands for ur weight loss and for sharing your story and giving me hope. God Bless!!!

February 7, 2010
3:47 pm
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mamacinnamon
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Any time hon I clap my hands back to you also.

Just give out a hollar if you need to talk anytime.

February 9, 2010
8:52 am
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sexychoclady
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Well i started reading healing the inner child. It is a great start in getting to know and lable what has happen as a child growing up.I feel a great sense of relief that this is something i can now start to work thru to have better relationships. I have given my friends and family the gift of minding my own business and staying out of their affairs. This seems to create resentment because I no longer want the job of listening to two hour conversations of whining and complaning about the husband or boyfriend,mama ,kids anyone,I don't have the answers...For their life!! But I was good at giving feed back i guess. I made some sense.lol I was starting to believe my own commercials. (I was Ann Landors or relationship expert)..This behavior i see is all connected to codependency..I am tired, i just want to focus on me.This is a form of setting bounderies.I don't want to save anyone get a Saviour it;s not me. Now i dont blame them for i have form these type of relationships because of my illness. But know that i a m aware time for a change. And that means learning how to say no. For once it is ok to settle done in my own skin and start to become the woman God intended me to be..

February 9, 2010
7:26 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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good for you sexychoclady. I've heard that exercise and diet can make a big difference. I am currently trying to excercise use possitve affirmations and relaxation technics to overcome anxiety. it's rough.

February 10, 2010
12:06 pm
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sexychoclady
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Yes Tiger it is rough. But i push myself because i feel better once i start exercising. The other thing is I am starting to see results. Reading the book i mention and doing some writing and reflecting,crying and allowing myself to feel my feelings has help heal my inner child. Yesterday was the first day i felt inside happy..What i am noticing know is the little changes i made in my life (keeping the focus on me, and minding my business) seem to create some resentment,since most of my relationships were established or emeshed while i was fulled blown in my codependency. I am gonna figure out how to handy this buy taking steps towards healthier people. Because its like washing up in old bath water.I may have to let some people go.

February 10, 2010
5:30 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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Yeah, I had an okay day today after weeks and weeks of very very bad days. My book says that we need to do physical, emotional and spiritual things every day. I am finding that it is still tough sometimes.

February 10, 2010
6:30 pm
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sexychoclady
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Yea Tiger i do understand. It is no coincidence I felt the same way today REALLY But you know when we feel like this we have to press on.Because for me. It is new and new is uncomfortable. But i am willing to go thru this and believe better days are coming.I am allowing myself to feel. Even healthy stable people have very bad hard days. Just hold on! And keep up the good work and fight for ur life. Change is not easy.I refuse to go back to the toxic,people and relationships, and abusive situations..I am tired!!!! But today I am not tired of living. So please be patient with urself. We can get thru this. Lets stay in touch..Also the past two days i get more clear when i write.It helps.We have to get out of our own way. What i plan to do is stay busy and stay out the head so much and keep working out, praying, and try to find some coda meetings, get strong support group cuz i not going grow with the toxic friends in my small circle. They are not bad people, I am just changing... Stay Strong Tiger

February 12, 2010
5:16 am
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darkeyes
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may i join in on this.. what has been said about staying out of other's buisness is so true its a hugh part of my problem, im caught up in situations bfore i know it and i reap the consequinces (SP).. i see the red flags to late...im forever trying to loose weight but have no energy cos what i do have it just about keeps me going. have had health checks its just all emotional stuff that drains my energy...

February 12, 2010
6:01 pm
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sexychoclady
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Sure Darkeyes welcome, I just jump right on in...Well i find that the more i mind my business and focus on me. The more i want to learn about myself.I am tired and ready to change. I am not saying i don't want to hear what my friends or family is saying. I in the past would give unwanted advice,feel sorry for people and over extend myself,sometimes complain becuz sometime i wanted to control the out come.. I just feel a great burden has been lifted.I am free to discover and uncover what has been making me over eat and settle for less,abuse people,and allow people to abuse me.I have notice the little work i have reading and writing.I have not been turning to food for comfort...Hey Tiger whats up dude???????

February 12, 2010
6:43 pm
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Tiger Trainer
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sexychoclady, that's how I feel. the best thing I did was to let go of famiily and husband and concentrate on myself. it was a hard time for all of us but we eventually adpted somewhat.

February 12, 2010
7:24 pm
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sexychoclady
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OOO So sorry tiger thought u were a guy for some reason. Anyway just was checkin to see how ur feeling, so far i am doing great. And i hope u are too.

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