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WE HAD OUR TALK
May 25, 2005
11:42 am
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Randomwomen2
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we had our talk last night. He was drunk he said that was the only way he could show his feelings. It was very calm and he told me that he doesnt like the kinda husband or father he has become. I told him that i have realy been unhappy and that if theings dont change im going to have to leave with the boys. He told me that he doesnt know how to change taht he doesnt think he can. He told me that he still loves me and thats what is so hard about it thats why we havent had this talk sooner. We are going to try counceling and if that doesnt work he wants to remaine friends. Which is no problem he also told me that our boys need a good example of what a daddy is supposed to be that he cant give them. I was in tears i tryed so hard not to cry but i did anyway by the time we were dont talking it was 2 in the morning and i layed in bed untill 5:30 am and finaly fell asleep then my boys got me up at 8 so i am exauseted emotionaly and physicaly. i hope i can take a nap sometime today anyway my husband would like to wait untill after the vacation before we decied to do anything permanant. If i do decied to leave which is most likely then i will go be put on the houseing list. PLease keep me in your prayers i realy need them during this time in my life

May 25, 2005
11:47 am
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lollipop3
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RW,

Do you attend Al-Anon meetings? If not...have you considered it?

They are free and a great support group for friends and families of alcholics. They are located in most communities but if you can't find one near you...you can also find live meetings on line.

I hope this helped...my thoughts are with you

Lollipop

May 25, 2005
11:48 am
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Randomwomen2
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he doesnt drink very often

May 25, 2005
11:53 am
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lollipop3
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He doesn't have to drink often for it to affect you or your relationship.

Also, I'm not sure what your background is (I've read some but I don't know your whole story) but alot of Codeps are also children of alcoholics....such as myself. Even IF your husband is not actually an alcoholic....if you have been affected by it in other areas of your life, it could explain alot.

You don't have to be with an active alcoholic/addict to be affected by the "ISMS"

May 25, 2005
11:56 am
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codep
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sounds like he is being too hard on himself, his self esteem is low "he doesnt like the kinda husband or father he has become" Thats great that he recognizes that, now "what is he going to do about it? walk away? do nothing to improve himself? I think the counseling is a "GREAT" idea, and considering he doesnt drink much I think that is a good sign. I would really start asking him what he thinks he can do to improve himself, have him make a list of the things he doesnt like about himself, help him to see what he "can" do to be a better father/husband. I think counseling will offer a lot as long as the 2 of you have not already decided that it's over.

May 25, 2005
12:22 pm
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CODA_Mom
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((((Random)))),

It is good that you finally were able to talk to him and that it went calmly. I will keep you in my prayers during this difficult time.

CM

May 25, 2005
12:57 pm
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jamaicanwife
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I know how hard it is to talk about possibly ending a marriage, and I just wanted to let you know that whatever you decide to do, I know you will do the best thing for your children and for yourself.

Your children need to see you happy, it makes them feel secure, gives them hope.

May 25, 2005
2:00 pm
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Deena
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I read your thread and all I can say is Im sending thoughts and prayers your way. I know how very difficult this is but all things happen for a reason, right? stay strong...things will work out. What's meant to be will be.

Lots of love
Deena

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