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We are starting over and need to share our efforts for support
February 20, 2004
8:26 pm
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Thanks for checking so quickly, Zinnie.

I did call a lawyer last week. She said it would be best for the 2 of us to work out the division as best as possible. She can look it over after we're done, and get it finalized and made official.

I'm still waiting for him to come home. I hate this feeling, like waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hope and pray we can start to get some boxes packed this weekend and start making progress.

Will try to check back later.
Ladyace

February 20, 2004
9:21 pm
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Well the shithead actually came up with a decent compromise. He bought himself only a bed frame and matress, and will take a few pieces of the bedroom set, (the ones I am not using anyway). He gets a chest of drawers, a nightstand, and a cedar chest. I keep the bed, a nightstand and the dresser, plus I can get my Grandmas cedar chest from my Mom's house. This way we are splitting up the set by each getting pieces, and can call it even. He also bought himself a cheap dining room table and chair set.

Whew, glad that's over with. Now I can go to bed. Tommorrow's another day.

Ladyace

February 20, 2004
9:50 pm
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Glad to hear that Lady.

I'm sorry he is making this so difficult on you.

Let me tell you something that I "foresee" happening. Now, don't hang on to this hoping this is what really happens or waiting for the day - because this is just a feeling I have.

I have this niggling feeling... he kept on saying he wanted a divorce, probably really did want one - but thought "she cannot make it without me." For some reason, many men, not all but quite a few have this opinion that us poor little ladies just cannot do much without them. You finally said "O.K., let's get this done then." Now of course he is dragging his feet, and acting the fool.

In ten years - maybe less... he will wake up one day and say "wow, I was married to Lady and I let her go... poor me, and now I am stuck in this life - well, maybe she is miserable too..." But... will you be?

No. You might still be single. You might be remarried. But, I have a feeling whatever you are doing - you will be happy.

There is something to be said for that.

Z.

February 21, 2004
10:56 am
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Zinnie,
Thanks for your inspirational words, I needed to hear that today.

This morning I asked him if we can start packing, and he gives me this line about how he will do it on his own time frame, when he feels like. Said there's no need to start packing anything early. Great, so now I am back in limbo, is he moving out next week or not (?) Now he won't tell me, so I told him he's being a dick.

Yes, he has said many times I won't be able to make it on my own in the house. Said that with all the money I have to give him to buy his share of the house out, plus the difference in equity of stuff that I am keeping, I won't be able to afford it. My parents will be able to give me some money to help me buy him out, plus I know I can put some on a credit card. (my credit is better than his) I know how to economize a lot better than he does anyway, and I can be cheap if I want to be. I keep telling myself if I have to live on 10cent ramen noodle soup and spaghetti o's, at least I will be happy.

Actually, the therapist had said something similiar, that one day he probably will realize that he had something wonderful, and wanted to let it go because he thought the grass was greener on the other side. We had both hoped he would realize this once he moved out, that is if I can ever get him out.

I guess I have the weekend free now.

Ladyace

February 21, 2004
12:13 pm
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HI Lady,

May I make a suggestion? You know what stuff he is taking right? Start packing it up. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it.

Have you heard about me running into my ex-jerk before?

Z.

February 21, 2004
12:43 pm
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Just butting in here - but I bought a card the other day and it might make you laugh. It said

"If men knew what women said about them the human race would die out"

Just a thought. Kx

February 21, 2004
12:44 pm
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Oh yes, and one more.....

"Grow your own dope: plant a man"

......

February 21, 2004
12:49 pm
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Kessie!

I love the last one!

Too funny...

Z.

February 21, 2004
2:32 pm
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Zinnie,
Ilove the card jokes - thanks for the laugh Kessie!

Yes, I do think I remember your thread about the ex jerk. Didn't you run into him in a parking lot and he was amazed at your ring and what car you were driving? (Sorry in advance if am wrong)

You have a point about just packing the stuff anyway. He said I could separate the CD's, but when I said about starting on other household stuff he got upset with me, and said that could be done last minute, it didn't need to be done now. In the end, probably whatever I do, he'd be upset with me.

Ladyace

February 22, 2004
12:55 pm
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Hi Lady,

Yep - that was it. I will never forget that. After all these years, at that point about 15 and he was worried about my wedding ring and what kind of car I was driving.

He then tells my brother a few months after that when they ran into each other about how he always figured "Zinnie would come to her senses and come back to him." My brother said he just looked at him like "what mental institution did you escape from?"

Yes, he will probably be upset no matter what you do. I think he is acting this way, because he said what he wanted, and you gave him how many chances to change his mind? Then, you said "O.K. - so this is what you want - let's go!" Oh... wait... things are really changing? Now who will he blame for all that is wrong?

Does this sound familiar?

Z.

February 22, 2004
8:05 pm
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Sound familiar? Hmm, do you mean classic codependency? (or am I just being dense, please explain?)

I wasn't on here much today, but I did have a good day today. He was out and about shopping, driving around, whatever, so I had the day to myself. It felt good to clean house. We don't have any boxes packed, but I did put a few of his things in one rooms corner (as part of my cleaning up). He probably won't even notice, but at least I know. I got a bunch of things listed for sale on ebay today, a good accomplishment for me also. So at least I am getting things done, which makes me feel good. First thing he said when he did come home was "wow, the house looks really nice, and even smells good". (I had candles burning.) Even if he didn't compliment it, at least I feel good.

Talk to ya' tommorrow,
Ladyace

February 22, 2004
8:44 pm
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Just wondering if it sounded familiar that he went on and on about what he wanted. But, of course he did NOT do anything to make this happen. He told you for how long he wanted a divorce? Well, if he wanted it so bad - why not file?

Well, now YOU are the one forcing him to move on... and he is sitting there going "duh" - that is what I was asking.

Do yourself a favor - stop by the box place tomorrow and get the boxes. Just be sure to hang on to the receipt. Give it to your attorney so he can repay you for the cost of the boxes.

I know - yes, I can be a bitch.

Z.

February 23, 2004
7:06 pm
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Hi Z,
Oh, I get it now. Sorry I was being ditzy. You're right, he went on and on about this for how long now, even to the point he said he was going to pack up and leave one weekend, but then never did anything about it. (I kinda wish he woulda left now!) He has even had the 7 weeks I was out of town on business and he did nothing except work.

I saw my therapist today. I told her about his buying spree, and how he says he'll move when he wants too. From meeting with him, she has learned his moods. She called the wild buying spree mode the "manic" mode. He has his angry, depressed and "evil" mode, then he has "nice guy" mode. Her best advice was to act as if he was gone, and he may move faster, no use arguing or critcizing, just go about my life, take care of me and do what is best for me. She said not to bother packing his stuff in boxes, just keep putting stuff in a corner. She said "why bother putting the effort into packing when it will not be appreciated and will be criticized instead" (good point). He is just a scared little boy right now. She gave me a relaxation/self hypnosis tape to try to relax. I have used tapes like this before and found them very helpful, so I look forward to trying it.

With regards to being a bitch, I think we all have to be at some time, that's just saying it how it is. (I remembered your comments on how the Judge wanted to sentance your daughter's assaulter to 30 minutes with you and then he would wish to be dead!)

Talk to ya later!
Love,
Ladyace

February 24, 2004
12:59 am
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Sounds as if you have a good therapist. I do agree that the effort of you packing would not be appreciated by him. I was just thinking it might be helpful to you in getting him out the door. But, you have to do what is right for you. You know?

Glad she gave you that tape, I hope it will help.

Just remember, all of this will pass - hopefully without too much pain, and you can begin your life anew. You have so much to offer to the world - and the next time you choose to be with someone, they will be darn lucky to be with you.

Yes - the Judge did say that... but, I was not even being a bitch at that point - just brutally honest.

Love,

Z.

February 24, 2004
6:49 pm
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Hi all,
Nothing that exciting to post today.
I did try my relaxation tape, and I noticed I slept better than I have in a long time, don't know if there is a correlation or not.

I'll check in again later.

PS Artist2, this was supposed to be a shared thread - you are welcome to post on this thread too. 🙂

Love,
Ladyace

February 24, 2004
7:11 pm
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Oh I'm here reading... sounds like you have it under control.

February 24, 2004
7:58 pm
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Under control...well, it doesn't feel like it sometimes, but I have to do what I can.

It sounds like you have been doing ok too. I read how you survived seeing him at church, you didn't go over to fix the antique car, and you even handled his email (didn't respond right away).

I guess we both have to continue to take it one day at a time. 🙂

I say Cheers!for both of us for these steps in the right direction!

Be well,
Ladyace

February 26, 2004
5:43 pm
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Just counting down the days....hopefully he will move out this weekend.

I will continue to take of myself and do what is best for me throughout all of this.

Ladyace

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