Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
WD:Compassion, Contempt, Safety
December 16, 2003
1:12 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dear Free, Zinnie, Artist2, mj, gingerleigh,lisset, LaRosa,ladeska,

You know, it really does help to have some people offer support and validation. Thanks to all of you. Free, I think you are starting to really have a fell for where I am coming from.

“D’s” disrespectfulness, her contempt truly was the most damaging thing about her. I thought. For example, the hitting was weird—we never really talked about it. I guess part of me thought I had it coming? I was embarrassed? Something to do with me regressing back to a kid mentality when being hit. Not wanting to remind Mommy that she had to beat me this morning. Anyway, yes, the violence, whether physical or emotional, was always “my fault” according to her.

Lemme tell you one more story….

One evening, “D.” was at work—she took to working later than me. More on that later. I was on my way to pick up our son from daycare, and I stopped at a convenience store in, what used to be a rough part of town. I made the mistake of exchanging hellos with a wino who was hanging out on the corner. He got angry at me, and when I got my car to the intersection, ready to leave, the wino walked out into the crosswalk and lay down, throwing his legs up onto my fender. Playing Possum.

Instantly my car was surrounded by about one hundred angry young black men intent on teaching me what happens to careless yuppies who run over winos of color. They ripped open my car doors, took all my belongings out of the back seat, and were basically scary as heck. I got out of the car, retrieved my belongings and managed to get someone in the store to call 911. Many police came, fire truck, the whole enchilada. Fortunately witnesses did come forward and talked to the police when they arrived, revealing the whole episode to be a scam, and I was allowed to go on my way.

I was late, and had been more or less scared witless in my own manly, show-no-fear-or-pain way. Gee, I thought I was going to be lynched. So I called “D” at work to tell her what had just happened, that I would be a little late, etc.. Instead of asking me if I was alright, she asked “Is my car okay?” And I still thought she was in love with me. I picked up our son, went home, cooked, went to pick up “D” at work, had dinner on the table when we got home. Quite the clueless little working househusband.

SAFETY: Free, you have hit the nail on the head. I (and about forty other people) used to think that “D” was a schizophrenic in partial remission. I now hypothesize that she was faking the schizoid symptoms to get people to take care of her. Wounded bird. I am now convinced that she is strongly narcissistic, perhaps full-on NPD. When I read the literature, it also looks like she might be what is called a “well-socialized psychopath.” In other words, utterly without conscience.

She has truly superhuman powers of persuasion, deception, manipulation. People do what she wants. In other words, I fear that what I am dealing with is nothing less than a brilliant psychopath. The stranger beside me. If that is true then I have to be very careful, don’t I. I was in love with an artificial persona, not a real person. The real person is, I am convinced, capable of ANYTHING, and I mean it.

Yes, she could find these posts. Yes, she could use the information I have written here. I can’t help it—I have to talk about what happened to me or I will go crazy. I think I will be safe until I locate and confront her. After that, well. I will be sure to make my last farewells to you before then.

December 16, 2003
4:35 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Dad
Not knowing all the details, was she ever charged with assault? Do you have a restraining order against her?
If not, can you get one? Is there evidence for it?

December 16, 2003
5:18 pm
Avatar
Hermione
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hey Dad,

I haven't responded to your posts before but I really wanted to say - look after yourself within the confrontation - when or if it occurs - make sure you have a reliable witness with you and whatever you do - do not meet her alone and do not do anything that gives her something on you - its like the wino thing - anything can be 'made' to look like something it is not - do not fall victim to this - protect yourself in anyway you need to.
I am wondering why you have not had her charged with kidnapping and assault, and got yourself a restraining order - I know it is difficult to do these things but in all honesty you have every right to do what you need to do to keep yourself safe. Have you filed them in a missing persons report? Sorry if you have already answered these Q's in another post - I'm not up to date.
I wish you well, H

December 16, 2003
6:09 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I think it is important to leave a trail wd. I sent out e-mails all over the net to links under "when batterer's kill" and domestic violence briefly detailing my situation and that if I showed up missing or dead that I wanted people to know it was no suicide or coincidence: I had been murdered. I gave my name, location, and address kuz I wanted to be recognized in any newspaper article, etc. if I showed up missing or dead. I don't know what made me do that. Maybe a new definition of fear. or the acceptance of reality.

But ya know what? At this point, my ex monster would never get away with it. This eliminated the option of me disappearing and he living merrily, raising our kids. If it happens now, it will have to be a murder-suicide.

I don't know if this kind of thing is up your ally wd. At this point in time, if you were to disappear, is there anybody that knows your story who would pursue a murder investigation? No need to answer. Just a question.

I was posed this question in about 95-ish and didn't file for divorce until 97. I started telling. Writing. Documenting. Not all the time. Definitely not as much as I should have(didn't know about stalking).

the jury was gonna convict. And they would have on a murder charge.

But so many dv homicides go unsolved because there is no trail. In protecting ourselves, we sometimes protect them. That's okay. But not to the extent that there would be a secret to be buried.

Just my thoughts

As for safety: I don't have any answers. I still live a couple miles away from my ex monster who has made it very clear that he will do whatever it is he wants to do. And I gotta admit, he's right. Here's hoping that the risk of accountability serves as a deterrent.

free

The times I did, came out in the trial. And they would have come out in a murder investigation.

December 16, 2003
6:49 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks, free.

I'll think about that one. I have told my counselor that I was a little worried about safety. Jeez, maybe I'm just being paranoid. But then again, if I had listened to that small voice of warning earlier I wouldn't have had to put up with the hitting and crazymaking and I wouldn't be in the mess I'm in now.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
31
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110959
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38560
Posts: 714252
Newest Members:
charli55, SeaG1ant, shawncanwe, lianot, dagaf, duminy
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information