Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In sp_Registration Register
Register | Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
sp_TopicIcon
WD: Intimacy and Recovery
December 10, 2003
3:47 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good news, bad news.

Good news is that after all this time, an old friend of mine is letting me know that she desires a closer, intimate relationship.

Bad news is that the idea scares the heck out of me. I'm scared that if I let her get too close to me, then I will just end up a doormat again. I keep worrying that she will hit me or betray me. Not that she has given me reason to worry about that--I just can't help it. And sexual expression is...difficult for me now.

I dunno, after years of being told "you are not attractive to me or any woman," someone is actually trying to connect with me and break through all that brainwashing. That's gotta be a good thing, right?

Am I the only one with problems like this?

December 10, 2003
4:21 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

What kind of person is she? What is your history with her? Was there anything bad in your relationship with her in the past?

I am being approached by a lot of guys online now....but I think it's just Christmas blues. I am not putting a lot of stock in it.

But is there any logical reason for you not to date this lady? Are you attracted to her personality? Do you know her well?

My fingers are crossed for you.

December 10, 2003
5:04 pm
Avatar
Worried_Dad
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 43
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Camper,

She's real nice, talented, good-looking.

I guess I can't think of any "logical" reason. God knows part of me wishes I could have a wife and partner. It's just hard to see getting there. It used to be so clear.

It's hard for me to trust women now, even though I intellectually know that abusers are relatively rare. Brilliant narcissistic/psychopathic batterers like "D," my ex have got to be even rarer. But still.

It feels "safer" to not want or need anything from anyone. It feels like I gave it all away and don't have anything left to give. Maybe that's what I need to get over.

December 10, 2003
5:08 pm
Avatar
unhappy camper
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I truly hope you can. You can't exist in a barren wasteland forever. Use appropriate caution, but do consider going very slow and carefully into at least a coffee with her? 🙂

December 10, 2003
5:33 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD

Does she know of your situation and abusive past?

I ask because after a couple months of dating my fiance, I just got nervous and so asked him to meet my therapist, who gave him the thumbs up. I explained to him that it's not just about trusting him, it was about trusting me to choose a healthy relationship. He was perfectly okay with it.

Thing is, (I had to learn this), non-abusers generally don't have a problem with counseling and therapy and providing you with your needs.

I know you have a bad history with therapists, but I couldn't remember if you had found a good one that you trust and is helpful to you.

What ya think?

free

December 10, 2003
5:33 pm
Avatar
free
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 433
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

WD

Does she know of your situation and abusive past?

I ask because after a couple months of dating my fiance, I just got nervous and so asked him to meet my therapist, who gave him the thumbs up. I explained to him that it's not just about trusting him, it was about trusting me to choose a healthy relationship. He was perfectly okay with it.

Thing is, (I had to learn this), non-abusers generally don't have a problem with counseling and therapy and providing you with your needs.

I know you have a bad history with therapists, but I couldn't remember if you had found a good one that you trust and is helpful to you.

What ya think?

free

December 10, 2003
10:55 pm
Avatar
Zinnie
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hi WD,

You deserve happiness, which is inclusive of a happy relationship, at a level of which you are comfortable. Start slowly, and see where it goes.

Also, read one of the other threads you started, where I told my daughter's story. She is "interested" in someone, and I was shocked by this. She is dealing with this in counseling. We are worrying about how she is dealing with it because she has not discussed it with us. However, she has apparently discussed it in her counseling session and group therapy.

But, read what I wrote, and maybe you can find some strength there. She had her "date" the other night, and had a nice time. This guy is being released from the hospital tomorrow. So, we will see where it leads.

But, really - you do deserve happiness.

Love,

Zinnie

December 11, 2003
10:15 am
Avatar
HARRYO
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Good news/ bad news.
Bad news. I am codependent.
Good news. I just got a great deal
on car insurance.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
28
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 110976
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38561
Posts: 714259
Newest Members:
nina1985, February, lisabaker, robertwalker, Why.., Why.
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2020 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information