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WD asks for a Referendum: IS there a "We" here?
April 1, 2006
10:55 pm
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Matteo
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guest-guest

You've said to taj64: "For example if someone was being labelled as an abuser- I think it wrong for you to be upset on that and its coD."

And then you said to seekerw: "If you are upset at me not responding to Taj, then its CoD behavior in my opinion.", while you already admitted that we all have rights to our feelings. Seekerw is talking about his feelings of being upset with your reaction to taj64. He has every right to be upset or feel whatever he does. And just like you have a right not to respond, he has a right to respond to you even if it does not affect him.

In your opinion this is coD, which is fine and you stated it before. I don't understand though how can you label anyone coD on the basis of just one characteristics, and not knowing the person, and much, much more about their behaviour? And even if you were right in that matter, what are you trying to achieve by telling someone that they are, and not engaging in any further discussion? Letting them know that they shouldn't care, because it is codependency, and you are not codependent, because you don't care?

I'm just wondering, but I am fully aware that you don't have to answer.

April 1, 2006
10:59 pm
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lollipop3
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Matteo,

After reading your last post, I thought you might be interested in the "Moron" thread on the other side

Lolli

April 1, 2006
11:31 pm
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Anonymous
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guest,

{Its my choice not to respond to anyone. I dont need to explain my choice to you.}

If you claim that taj is being codependent, you do not have the right to refuse to engage her in conversation if she takes issue with what you said.

You have to give taj the chance to defend herself, as she was doing, or you have no right to be claiming such things about her in the first place.

If taj had made an unsolicited post to you, you wouldn't have to answer. But because she responded to something you said about her, her post is solicited and decency compels you to answer it.

Of course, nobody will force you to be a decent person, but that's a different issue.

April 1, 2006
11:34 pm
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Anonymous
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Matteo,

Thanks for looking after taj and me. It refreshing to see people looking out for each other.

Take care,
Seeker

April 2, 2006
10:14 am
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Hi Matteo

>> And even if you were right in that matter, what are you trying to achieve by telling someone that they are, and not engaging in any further discussion? < < By telling them so they can study themselves and make them better? I know you'll say maybe its CoD of me to want them to see their CoD behavior, but I dont do this often. I thought I can tell them ONCE and thats it. Thats why I didnt want to discuss with them further. Maybe they're not aware that its CoD, plus it annoys me if Seeker comes and says I should respond to Taj. Who is he to tell me? I just didnt want to discuss anything further with Taj, it was my choice. Seeker__ >> you do not have the right to refuse to engage her in conversation if she takes issue with what you said.

You have to give taj the chance to defend herself ..

< < What I say to Taj is my business, not yours. I'll do anything if I feel like it.

April 2, 2006
10:47 am
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Matteo
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guest_guest

Yes you are right, if it upsets them and on those basis you think they are codependent, the same principle applies to you. You have no way of knowing enough about them or anyone else on this site to label them coD or anything else at that matter; therefore your opinion might be plainly wrong. They might not “do it often” just like you don’t. By “telling them” you are insulting their intelligence, assuming that they cannot figure it out by themselves, another words you are being terribly condescending, instead of being helpful, even, and I am repeating: even if you were right. Neither you, nor I don’t know if your label is right, only they can speak for themselves. They don’t need to be told, they are adults. That they are on this site doesn’t necessarily mean that they are coD, unless you want to label coD 95% of the general population.

I agree you are a free person, and you can do whatever you want. Nevertheless the consideration for other people feelings (to which they have every right) and some plain politeness and courtesy goes a long way. Maybe that would be something for you to study and analyze? Just a suggestion. Have a nice Sunday.

April 2, 2006
10:51 am
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zeezee
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I agree with you 100 percen MATTEO

April 2, 2006
11:01 am
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Matteo,

I'm sorry, if I indulge in politeness and all that, guess what, it'll be 120 more posts in this thread and I'll keep going in circles in the diplomatic duel with the "other side".

I pointed it out once and thats it, I withdrew from it because I saw it wasnt going to end.

If I chose not to respond to someone, thats my choice. I dont consider that as impolite and even if something was - I dont care. I've been good for other members on this site and have been polite there, so I'm good as I am.

April 2, 2006
2:40 pm
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Anonymous
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guest,

{Seeker__

>> you do not have the right to refuse to engage her in conversation if she takes issue with what you said.

You have to give taj the chance to defend herself ..

< < What I say to Taj is my business, not yours. I'll do anything if I feel like it. } I answered you on the other thread, which is where I thought we were taking this whole conversation. Let's go over there, okay, as you yourself suggested earlier?

April 2, 2006
2:43 pm
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Anonymous
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zeezee,

Good to see you posting here. I'm glad you're still here.

Matteo,

I agree with you 100 percent, same as zeezee.

Seeker

April 2, 2006
2:50 pm
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zeezee
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Thankyou seeker ive
stop feeling sorry for myself and got mad . When a few people gave me the hump .
Im now in a better mood
ive also posted a happy Theard give it a look .

Hope you have had a good day and are well .

[ me having a outburst has made people nicer hehe ] so some good came of it

April 2, 2006
3:03 pm
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Anonymous
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zeezee,

I'll check out your thread. Thanks for pointing it out and for posting me back.

Very, very, very few people on this site are intentionally mean, but misunderstandings and such have a way of happening in spite of everybody's good intentions.

Take care!

Seeker

April 2, 2006
3:10 pm
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Anonymous
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guest,

I was wrong. I'd answered about another issue on the other thread, so I'll reply here to your post:

{What I say to Taj is my business, not yours. I'll do anything if I feel like it. }

Well, you CAN make statements about people and then not answer them when they try to discuss it with you. But that doesn't necessarily mean you SHOULD.

Do what you feel like, but you also must bear the consequences, whatever they turn out to be.

April 2, 2006
3:28 pm
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sewunique
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I may agree with Matteo as well but that does not mean persuasion will change (guest's) anyone's mind. I became a bit irritated as well as guest, and I never recieved a response back either. So be it.

Peace

April 2, 2006
5:05 pm
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Yea so be it. Sometimes I'm like Blah and I dont want to respond and I dont. I like that about me. Sometimes I do things that I really want to do and am not being a people pleaser and its a good thing. I dont care what judgements other people pass on me, they dont know me and even if they did oh well, like I say - Blah. I'm happy as I am.

__Seeker, what consequences? What, you gonna turn up on my door and do the 8 step routine or something? lol. J/k. I'm an adult and know my consequences. Take it easy now, 8-stepper 😉 😀

April 2, 2006
7:13 pm
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Anonymous
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guest,

Blah. I don't have to respond and I'm exercizing that right.

Take care.

Turnabout's fair play. :o)

Seeker

April 2, 2006
7:17 pm
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I'm totally fine with that. As long as its keeping you peaceful and as long as you're doing what you want to do.

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