WEll...maybe I am...this thread seems to have evolved yet again into the issue about "abuse"...what I was offended about was the idea that there was some sort of higher power here on the board...a group of people who were better qualified to help based on the length of time they were posting here...and I don't agree with that idea at all.

But...I don't want to bring this thread out of the flow its going to...which seems to be about abuse...I'm not going to comment on that. I've rarely felt attacked here, but have squirmed at seeing other people being attacked and also people taking others up the wrong way...it can so easily get out of hand.

For what its worth though...I think for the most part most of us are careful not to offend or attack and yet try to give the best advice of feedback possible. The "go screw yourself" comment was uncalled for completely...and I would have felt terribly attacked had it been directed at me...

hey sew...you ok?

I can't believe that worried_dad's post from Mar 26th. started all of this! Talk about filters (someone saying one thing and others hearing something completely different)I thought DAD was expressing his opinion and fail to see how that post could offend so many.

Let it go... allow folks to express how they feel without fear or retribution. I applaud DAD for a well written thought. I am not a "senior poster" but am not offended because DAD tried to honor the opinions of some who are. I apprecite the feedback I get from folks who have walked the path before me.

DAD, I think that I got what you were saying and I am not offended in the least. Actually, I found the perspective that you took to be very deep and a challenge to uphold other posters on this site.

I would be PROUD to be associated with someone of your caliber any day; To tell anyone the "we" are friends.

Cary

WD,

for one thing when desparate said to me 'KATHGY GO SCREW YOURSELF' he used all caps. This is in itself against the guidelines and is considered shouting or yelling. Yelling at someone is abusive.

This is a very hostile thing to say, demeaning and attacking. If you can't see this as abusive then so be it.

For me is beyond a doubt abusive. It doesn't matterwhat I said. Abuse is never, ever acceptable and the abuser is always 100% responsible for the abuse.

You seem to want to make me responsible in someway but I am not responsible at all. Why do you want to make me responsible in ANY way? I have no idea.

I know I am repeating myself here.
I can understand that people may be tired of this topic but I do think it is very important because many people come here who are in abusive relationships and sometimes they do not even recognize the abuse or they feel it is their fault because they edged the person on.

I tell these people over and over again that abuse is never, ever acceptable and they are in no way responsible for the abuse no matterwhat. I believe whole heartedly that this is true.

That's it. I let this go now. There's nothing more for me to say about this topic.

It just seems that something is driving you to question whether desparate's comment to me was abuse and something inside of you wants to make me partly responsible. Why?????

Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.

Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.

Just walk beside me and be my friend.

-Unknown

WD,

Speak for yourself only. How can you justify saying 'we have the task'?
Who are the 'we' that agreed to this?

"So we have the task of determining was Kathy being abusive, what was the level of harm done or offense given, what was her intent, and what was the history behind her behavior. "

Why??? Why are you interested in this?

I'll say it again, all your questions above are irrevalent to the fact that desparate's comment was abusive to me. Why are you going down this alley?

What are you trying to prove???? What's driving this in you???

Kathy, you mentioned on this thread that you want to let the topic go, but you are continuing to engage in the discussion.

WD, Kathy said that she wants to let the topic go, but you're continuing to press it.

I respect the hell out of you both. I feel like both of you are trying to have the last word on something. Would both of you take a step back and check yourselves to see if there's something inside yourselves that's egging you on to keep up the discourse? Is there something that you want the other person to believe about yourself or themselves? If so, who cares if they believe it or not? In the long run, you are the only one who needs to be convinced.

Continuous attacking is abuse. Please abusers stop attacking. Im losing respect very fast.