(((katarina))) Please let us know how your visit goes tomorrow. There are so many forms of cancer...I know it is scary, but try and stay calm until you know anything for sure. That is easier said than done I know...Take care...

katarina
I think what your feeling is totally normal. We watched my father slowly die from Lou Gerhigs disease. My brother til this day is terrified and always thinks he has sysmtoms of the disease. I think it is basically from the trauma of watching someone you love die. Have you thought about talking to a therpaist? Sorry you are going through this.

this is a part of life everyone must deal with, unless you die early yourself.

in 94 my father died of prostate cancer, and the last 4 months were a complete hell, watching while he slowly went downhill. he was a revernend, and his fellow ministers were a great help in dealing with the situation. after he died members of the church literally swarmed the house and took over cooking and cleaning, making sure we were ok. i've never seen so many people so devastated, he was a great christian.

even under those circumstance when i went back to asheville i spent 3 weeks in the back of my truck(i was camping out at the time) alternatly crying and sleeping. didn't go to work, and boss had no idea where i was. after a while i got back to normal, but it took time. i didn't want anti-depressants cause i knew they would numb the pain and i didn't want that.

couple years ago my mom was diagnosed with lung cancer(lifetime smoker)and while i was preparing for the long haul again, she just suddenly died in february. whole different way of moourning this time. i cried agood bit, mostly before and around funeral time, and since then i've been making mistakes at work i never made before, memory is bad, hard time concentrating or making decisions, and hurting myself(mostly small stuff, but the bike wreck really was bad, still healing.
all part of the process i suppose.

my thoughts are with you.