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watching myself self-destruct? help!
February 3, 2005
1:23 pm
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marley
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I am sitting here just watching myself self-destruct and I don't know how to stop it. I can't handle the ups and downs any more and it is really getting pretty scary. I am not sure what to do and how to find my way out. I know which way is the right way and which way I want to go, but I can't seem to convince my head to go there.

February 3, 2005
1:28 pm
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msguud
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I know Marley. I don't have an answer for you. I feel the same way sometimes. My head won't get going either. Here's something good to read:

Taking Care of Ourselves

We do not have to wait for others to come to our aid.
We are not victims. We are not helpless.

Letting go of faulty thinking means we realize there are no knights on
white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us.

Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach.
People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care.
Help will come, but help is not rescuing.

We are our own rescuers.
Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing
others and stop expecting them to rescue us.

Let's both try for that today, okay? I have hope for you and me.

February 3, 2005
1:32 pm
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marley
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thank you! that really helps to remember that it is my choice and only I can change it through my perceptions. I am just so scared of making a mistake. I feel like I don't even know what is real anymore.

February 3, 2005
1:33 pm
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Anonymous
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There's nothing I could add to what Msguud has already said--except that I'm pulling for you...

Love,

Ren'ai

February 3, 2005
1:35 pm
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Kentuckygirl24
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Marley, I feel your pain, I hope tomorrow is a better day.

February 3, 2005
2:05 pm
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angel1
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I can relate to your feelings..I to feel at times like I'm losing it and don't know what is right..what do I do?
my husband is an addict..I'm getting to the end of my rope with him..I've been in recovery for years..but I still enable him and I don't want to do it anymore..but it's so hard for me to put him out..he has no where to go..he has no family here..I do everything..he has worked maybe 6 months in our 3yr relationship and I don't even care about that except he when he asks me for money to get high..that is what I'm tired of..I'm not working to maintain his drug habit..and I told him so..I feel stuck like I can't go forward..I don't know what to do..I feel so gulity if I put him out..but then I feel terrible going home and finding him high..I pray to find the answers for myself..I don't want to give up on me..I will pray for us all..Angel1

February 3, 2005
2:29 pm
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marley
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thanks all. I just don't understand this tendency I have - when things start going well I just try to ruin it all. I can see myself doing it again this time and I am having a hard time stopping it. Why does it feel so compelling to destroy things?

February 3, 2005
2:31 pm
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kathygy
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angel1, you are not responsible for your husband. He is a grown man and should be taking care of himself. Stop enabling him. Make him stand on his own two feet. Take care of yourself first and kick him out.

February 3, 2005
5:04 pm
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angel1
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I know all this..it's just I can't do it..my husabnd makes me feel so bad..I have to live with myself..I pray to be able to do the right thing and for God to give me strength..Angel1

February 3, 2005
5:52 pm
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marley
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I think this is the worst part - we do know better - we do want to do something different - we want to be stronger - we want to move on and yet somehow we don't or if we do it takes so much time that and the progress is so slow that it is barely discernable.

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