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Was my Dad an alcoholic?
February 2, 2004
1:17 pm
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Rochefort
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September 29, 2010
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Hi,

I'm not sure if y'all have a sort of club here where you all post often and know one another. Anyway, I've never posted before. I started counseling a month ago. I'm 27, a grad student in English, live alone. I didn't even know I was depressed. And then my counseler had me keep a journal, and I found out I was depressed. And then my counseler gave me Co-Dependent No More and Dances with Anger. In the four weeks since I have read these books and had four counseling sessions my apartment has gotten and stayed clean, I've bought a new wardrobe, and remembered that I know how to cook and cooked myself a good meal every day, and there are fresh tulips on my kitchen table and I've never bought flowers for myself before. I've started to make new friends. Different somehow and soooo interesting and exciting. Due to these results alone, I'm pretty sure I have co-dependent tendencies. I'm the type of co-dependent who stays stoic and alone and succesful, I suppose, like someone else posted below. Only gets close to those who I feel need me. I'm looking forward to learning how to be close to someone in a healthy way.

But I haven't talked to my family once during this month. And while I know my dad is an alcoholic NOW, I can't seem to know for sure in my mind that he was an alcoholic during my childhood. Does it matter? I understand about denial. Should I just say "Who cares whether or not he's an alcoholic; I'm a co-dependent and this is about me." My counseler says if my family is just realizing now he's an alcoholic then he probably has been one for at least twenty years. He is totally functional, even now. Just comes home from work has two martinis and passes out. But up until this point I have been totally unaware of his drinking. I've had friends tell me "Why do you argue with him when he's drunk?" and I've responded, "He was drunk?" I'm the eldest; Do I tell my two brothers? Am I being co-dependent if I say "I care about them, and now that I'm thinking we're the kids of alcoholics, I think we need to talk to one another about this." I know I can't trust anyone in my family's perception of this or of me... I can only trust my OWN. But I just can't seem to get a clear view. When I'm in my counseling session my dad was an alcoholic and "I deserve more than what I receive from my 'best friend'..." but then it gets hard to keep things straight. In the past I would have talked this out with my best friend, but maybe nothing about that is right. I've been ... well "detaching" from her I suppose... and I know she's been unsettled by it... but she's not the type to talk about it. It's weird that 2 weeks ago I loved her and she was my best friend, and now I stand in the same room and feel palpably "not loved." Everything in my life has shifted and suddenly the only place I ground myself is my own kitchen table. The tulips and the food. But everything else is shifting.

Anyway, my question is still about my dad. My counseler says it takes three days for alcohol to get out of the system? Can someone confirm that? What do I need to remember from my childhood to know how much he was drinking then? How can I know for sure? Thanks in advance,

Rochefort

February 2, 2004
4:14 pm
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gypsygirl
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If you know now that he is an alcoholic, then he must have always had the tendency to become one. Maybe you didn't realize he was drunk because you have always known him that way.

On it taking three days to leave the system, it depends on how long that person has been drinking. IT takes one hour for every ounce to leave the body. One beer is equal to one ounce of say vodka, also one glass of wine is also equal to an ounce.

February 2, 2004
5:28 pm
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petunia57
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HELLO ROCHEFORT, WELCOME! I AM KINDA NEW HERE TOO. I AM 46, CARETAKER, MOTHER OF TWO, RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC AND ADDICT, CO-DEPENDENT, DIVORCED AND SINGLE FOR ABOUT 7 YRS NOW. ABOUT YOUR FATHER- MY DAD WAS A ALCOHOLIC AND IT WAS NOT A PRETTY PICTURE, VERY DISFUNCTIONAL. I LEARNED ONE THING IN THE ROOMS OF AA AND THAT IS, "ONLY THAT PERSON CAN DEFINE HIMSELF A ALCOHOLIC", NO ONE ELSE HAS THAT RIGHT. WHY IS THIS SUCH A CONCERN? IS HE DESTROYING HIS LIFE? IS HIS LIFE UNMANAGABLE AND IS HE OUT OF CONTROL? IS HURTING ANYONE OR BEING DISHONEST? IS IT EFFECTING HIS HEALTH? DOES HE SHAKE IN THE MORNING OR IF HE DOESN'T GET A DRINK? DOES HE PAY HIS BILLS? IS HE HAPPY?
JUST GIVING YOU SOME THINGS THAT I PERSAONALLY HAVE DEALT WITH AND SEEN. DON'T MEAN TO BE HARSH. YOU ARE 27 AND LIVING YOUR LIFE. YOU SOUND LIKE YOU ARE DOING WELL. DID YOUR FATHER HELP YOU BECOME THIS SUCCESSFUL PERSON? CAN YOU TALK TO YOUR FATHER ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL. NO ONE CAN MAKE SOMEONE STOP DRINKING. ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD DIDN'T MAKE ME STOP. I HAD TO HIT ROCK BOTTOM, LITERALLY.
I THINK IF YOU ARE SO CONCERNED, YOU NEED TO TALK TO YOUR FATHER INSTEAD OF OTHERS. THIS COULD OPEN A NEW RELATIONSHIP FOR BOTH OF YOU, WHO KNOWS.
AS FOR THE SUPPORT HERE, I LIKE IT SO FAR. IT'S VERY ACTIVE AND EVERYONE ALL HAS DIFFERENT ISSUES, SOME SIMILAR SOME NOT. IT HELPS ME VENT MY ISSUES AND SORT OUT MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS PLUS GET ADVICE AND SUPPORT FROM OTHERS. HOPE YOU COME BACK PET

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