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Warning long thread: Is this man being pushy or is it my codependency interfering?
December 30, 2005
8:53 pm
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Lostrose
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Last week I decided to start dating again. There is one guy I've been e-mailing with for three days. My gut instinct is tellig me he is being pushy & very opinonated. Here is what he wrote after less than 24 hours of not e-mailing him back about calling him:

"hey you! What happened to you! Why did you stop e-mailing me all of a sudden! And what did you mean by "AH HA it wasn't my imagination" If you're referring to the girl in the pic, she is only a friend who showed up for my birthday party and has since left Portland for Hawaii!!! If that's why you
stopped writing, then you might want to reconsider! You may have jumped the gun a little too soon!!!!!!!!!" (the ah ha was when I would reply the pic he sent me would go back to him, silly me & then I thought the pic kept changing & it did)

I sent him the following:"Ah Ha was meant that it wasn't my imagination or my gray showing as I said in the below e-mail. I wasn't concerned about the girl in the pic at all. I stopped e-mailing cause I didn't know what to say to you wanting me to call because I felt I was being rushed into something I wasn't ready for. I'm not ready to call just yet. I'm a cautious person & I like to get to know the person through e-mail before I take the next step of talking & meeting. Besides the first phone call is ALWAYS nerve wracking."

His response today was, "so are you gonna have the guts to call me or would you rather I did!!!!"

My response (I said it was LONG :)"Nope....I know no guts no glory 🙂 How about you can call me tomorrow. I'm blah today & don't feel like talking, just going home & relaxing."

Then I opened my e-mail tonight & he said this, "what's the difference!today,tomorrow,... It's all the same to me! you seem to be wishy washy and very undecided! I told you before, you're reading way too much into this meeting thing! I wish you'd make up your mind!"

And last but I'm sure not least is my response, "First of all there is a difference to me when I don't feel like talking to anyone tonight. Second, I'm not wishy washy when I feel I need some alone time which is tonight cause I'm feeling blah. The only thing I'm reading into this
is friendship. Also, just because I gave you my number doesn't mean I was going
to meet you right away. I never changed my mind due to I never said to call me
tonight. One more thing you seem to be very pushy & I pull away when it comes to people
not letting things happen when they happen. If for some reason you can't understand that I need some alone time then it won't even work as being friends. My ad stated what I want out of a relationship, it didn't say I wanted one right away. So I may have difficulties meeting or talking to people the first time, so what. Today has nothing to do with that, I just want to be
alone..........."

I'm not sure what to do because I have had such bad luck picking men that I'm not sure if I should trust my own instincts. What does everyone else think? Thanks...

December 30, 2005
9:19 pm
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Lostrose,

I'm assuming that you met this guy on a dating web-site. I see red-flags waving all over the place here!!!!

Trust your instincts. He is pushing you to do something you are obviously not ready to do. He is acting selfish, insensitive and paranoid!

I'd throw this one back... there's plenty more fish in the sea. Find one that doesn't make the hair on the back of your neck stand up. What you are experiencing right now is not "co-dependency" it's "intuition". It is telling you EVERYTHING you need to know!! Trust it!!!

TC

December 30, 2005
10:40 pm
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sunshinne
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back off.
he sounds scary.
you dont deserve someone controlling.
you deserve someone who will buy you flowers and take things as slow as you want.
<3

December 30, 2005
11:42 pm
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feline
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He sounds very pushy to me.

December 31, 2005
12:36 am
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hbdude2k
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Tell him to take a hike....Next time, you get his phone #. Don't give yours out unless your ready to talk to him right now....I see bad news with this guy.

December 31, 2005
12:42 am
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Lostrose
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Thanks everyone.

This is his response, "you know what you're right! May be we are rushing into this! So why don't you take as much time as you like and get back to me only when you feel like you're ready! How does that sound!"

I'm going to take everyone's advice & run for the hills 🙂 Thanks again (smiles BIG)

December 31, 2005
12:53 am
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Philmore Bowles
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My Dad told me this: "Trust your gut, it's not smart enough to second guess itself".

Best advice I ever got . . .

December 31, 2005
7:42 am
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whidbey
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Yeeks, I not only see red flags, I hear tornado warning sirens with this guy. (I was going to use an exclamation mark, but I think he used them all up... hee).

Please, please trust your gut on this guy. I think you won't be sorry if you did...

December 31, 2005
8:38 am
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SoulSpirit
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That gut feeling we call instinct is the best advice there is. Life has been much easier for me since I learned to listen.

December 31, 2005
9:05 am
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taj64
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I agree with the gut feeling. Since being on this site, I have learned more about this instinct. It was always there, I just didn't listen or pay attention. And now I do. This man sounds pushy and if I feel a guy gets on my nerves very early on, then I know to stay away. I think also there was not the chemistry for the two of you, quite obvious even in writing. Good that you didn't meet each other. I had an experience with this once, where the guy just got on my nerves, was pushy and I did end up meeting him and the date was ok but on the way back from the date, I knew I would not go out with him again. He called me a few minutes after the date and then when I got hom from the date. He was completely obnoxious and this time I was clear and said not to call me again. I knew before I went on the date that I didn't really like him. So now I pay attention to the next time, if I don't want to go, then I won't go. Life certainly is about lessons and learning them.

December 31, 2005
9:13 am
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nvr2late
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yes, there are some guys not to waste your energy on!
I got set up on a 'date' with a guy that in the first 15 minutes told me that 'all women are crazy'...
What the hell happened to putting your best foot forward????
I was completely at a loss, because I have a house, a great job, 2 wonderful kids and a pretty good head on my shoulders...
He talked to a friend on the phone about 2 hours after we met, and said...;I am with crazy'!!!
I gave him a little advice, 'I would not put a label on someone minutes after you have met them'
He called me a couple of times to ask me out after that...I made it clear that I would not go out with him.

How interesting trying to get back into the dating scene...I understand just wanting to be alone!

Who wants to deal with men and their issues, when all you want to do is find someone to relate to!

I relate to myself VERY well, thank you! 🙂

I would take your gut instincts and run with them....the other way...FAST!

December 31, 2005
2:25 pm
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Lostrose
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Thank you everyone.......I sent him an e-mail letting him know I feel we are not compatable. Any bets that his true self will show MORE?

December 31, 2005
2:31 pm
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Anonymous
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Oh sure they will.

I suspect that you will get some type of reaction that you are stringing him along or playing with his feelings or chicken to meet him or something - something to try and bait you into changing your mind and meeting him right away.

I would block his email.

December 31, 2005
2:54 pm
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sdesigns
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Hi Lost: Throw this one back to the guppy pond. And just say "Next".

I also had a similar experience on the internet. E-mail conversation was going well. He told me he would be gone for the weekend, so I didn't email him. When he returned he was angry that I had not emailed him, and accused me of already meeting someone else. Yikes.

~SD~

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