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Wanted...1 man,must be nice AND WILLING TO WORK
January 4, 2002
10:34 am
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dazey
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Mine WANTS kids...he's younger than me, 33, he's got plenty of time! He is going to school but it really bothers me that he seems to have no clue how the world works, i.e. you have to WORK to make MONEY to LIVE! Since he's spent a lot of his adult life NOT working and still being able to live, (sleeping on peoples couches and selling paintings for money) I guess he thinks it's okay!

I want a partner too! which I think is why I've had a hard time with relationships so far! Too many men can't see a woman as an equal partner, they want a slave, so I end up with these guys that are on the other end of the spectrum. Aaargghh.

January 4, 2002
12:56 pm
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Cici
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With my husband the job thing is really related integrally to his self-esteem. It's strange how men can define themselves by their profession or their socially approved role as "bringer of the bacon". My husband is great about doing chores around the house when I'm at school or work. He gives me rides so I don't have to hike the mile from my building I work at to the commuter parking lot. He walks the dogs and has a ton of plants and scrubs the pool meditatively.

The other weekend he spent the day re-wiring the lighting on our lanai with some paper chinese lanterns he strung up around the room. It's lovely, I was like, wow, this is great. But he's still restless and despondant and down on himself and passive because he is depressed about jobs. He just keeps doing tasks to occupy his time while he goes on interviews and waits. It's all very depressing.

January 4, 2002
1:55 pm
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artist
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I can relate to that CiCi, my man has been unemployed for a long time now--definitely not by choice--he normally makes a really good salary at his positions but LOTS of companies are restructuring and cut back on the administrative jobs first so jobs are scarce here and even more so after 9/11. I won't go into the type and quantity of odd jobs that he has done around here since his lay off and I know that his depression about not having a set position at his age as he is closing in on retirement and the possibility of losing everything he has worked for is scareing and depressing him.

I have my own self esteem issues so I have been thinking a lot about his as well as mine--conditioning is my guess why guys are so tied emotionally to there jobs and a different type of conditioning from my family is why mine is so low.

Now as I was going through this thread I caught your post from Jan 1st--about enlightened souls being scarse who can share themselves without fear of the vulnerability of intimacy--how about the scarsity of those self aware individuals who know they are afraid and live with that fear--because fear doesn't go away but it can be overcome--and still manage to maintain intimate relationships--like you, perhaps?

Artist:)

January 8, 2002
11:42 am
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syqg
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He is so great because he has the time to be. But will the pampering feed you when you're hungry? Will it clothe you when you're cold? Will it pay the light bill on the due date? No. It will not. Maybe he is who he is. But you are unhappy. It's not the life you want. So........if you stay with him let him be the way he is, that is everyone's own right. You are in charge of your life. You only have you to blame, not him. Be his friend and move on. You may meet someone who will not pamper you 24-7,but i bet what u really want is a tired man from a hard day's work and motivated like u seem to be. Money isn't the real issue here really, he doesn't fit the kind of person you want to be committed to. You have a decision to make here. He doesn't. He's happy. Are you?

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