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Walked on and hurt
February 1, 2001
6:26 pm
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GothicGirl
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Hello everyone I don't expect a lot of advice i just needed somewhere to let what I am about to say all out.
I have always felt walked on. Now more then ever. I feel like I just keep giving and giveing and giving. I listen to my friends problems whenever they need me to and I care about and love them 100 percent and I am always giving my time and my love and all I have for them and I fell like I never get anything back. I am the one they come to with all there problems and when they have a bad day and need to talk or they are fighting with someone. And then when they make up with the person they are fighting with I am left in the dust. I just feel completely walked over. I wish there was a way to let the mno but I feel if I tell them or if I just stop being there they will hate me and I won't have any friends left at all. Well I think I am done pouring if you have any way to respond please write back.

February 1, 2001
7:51 pm
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Molly
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We are looking for love and acceptance to a point where our need's are not being met. No offence but having been a teen, and having raised a teen, it is a teen's responsibility to be a self centered individual. Thus most of your friends are self centered. Its all about me. I get that you are feeling like a door mat??????? Learn now to draw boundry lines, to ask for what you need, and learn how to get it. It is hard, and again reading these threads, you see how women have a hard time getting what they want and need, after giving their all to men, their children, and work and still wanting and needing. We all have said at one point in time what about me? Well its time for us to have our all, and thank God that you are still young, and can get it. This is the time in your life where you learn to be a complete person, a whole person, a person that loves them self, and doesn't need to get acceptance by doing for other's expecting something in return when we can't give any more. That is called Co-dependency, go to the library, and start reading. Get selfish, and if your friends can't be there for you, are they friends? Or users? Be good to your self.Because people see givers, and they take and take and take. It is up to us to say enough. So go read.

February 1, 2001
10:43 pm
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GothicGirl
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Molly,
I know I need to be somewhat self centered but whenever I try to just close people off I can't. I mean it probably also shows I don't havce a real job I volunteer over 200 hours a summer. Then I do lots of volunteer work for Girl Scouts and school and AF J ROTC I just keep giving and I when I try to stop I just can't. And I want to just suddenly block off my friends problems butI am scared to I am scared of what might happen with my friendships what they might end up doing and stuff that I might not have any friends and stuff. I have been told I need to draw the lines and I know and can see that myself but when I try to I just can't and I don't know what to do I just know I hate feeling like this I just want to be loved and cared for the same way I do for others.

February 3, 2001
10:33 am
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GothicGirl
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So it happened again. I put my needs last. I went to talk to the school counselor and she said she was really that day(even though I had schedualed this appointment with her) and what do I do volunteer to come on Monday even though everything is tearing me up inside.

February 3, 2001
4:04 pm
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janes
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You go get your self a copy of Codependent no more and read it and next time a friend is needy...say no.

Start with little things and work up.to the big stuff.

Go to them and insist they listen.

Unless you make you important they won't either.

It soundslike you are being mean but you are not.

If you can't do that find someone else...even your mom to listen and tell about how you feel.

Unless you SAY it it won'tget heard.

And when you see the counselor...tell her how you felt!!! She may need to hear it!!!! Maybe you could wait but someday someone is going to need her NOW and she will put them off.

Be strong AND SAY IT OUT LOUD!!!

February 3, 2001
4:36 pm
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GothicGirl
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I want to stand up to my friends and be blunt about it but I am scared that I will lose them all that the only reason I am friends with them is because they don't have to pay a lot of attention to me. That I will just be there when they have a problem and when they need attention. I think I will say something to the counselor I mean what if what I needed to talk about something like I was going to kill myself this weekend. I can't talk to my mom cause she will flip her noddle and I jsut don't have that kind of relationship with her at all. Well I had a plan I don't know if it would work but haiving all my friends read what I wrote on this thread becasue it's the only way I cna show them how I feel I am not very good at confronting people'. But I am not sure quite yet.

February 3, 2001
9:38 pm
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GothicGirl
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I am so frusterated. My parents just left with 2 of my sisters saying they were going skiing. K right that wasn't that bad but they left my youngest sister at home and they just expected me to feed her and watch her. Not that bad eitehr right. Well my mom also told me I needed to do ehr laundry even though none of it was mine. So I did and then when that was done I put my own clothes in the wash. Ok well then I go to put my clothes in the drier and discover they are already there INCLUDING a pair of jeans that were already tight on me and a WOOL sweater. Well now I cna't even get the jeans on and the sweater looks like my little sisters. And then my mom yells at ME saying that maybe I should do my own laundry!!! THE NERVE!!!!! Ok well then I come upstairs and my dad starts yelling at me for not doing the dishes I used for my sisters dinner which they didn't even ask me to make!!!!! I could have let her starve but I am nicer then that. And what do I get from the whole thing? NOTHING not one thing not a thank you not anything!! Ok well I am done now sorry I just had to get that out I am so MAD!!!!!

February 6, 2001
4:02 pm
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GothicGirl
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So I let my friends read this site osme of the mhave been very supportive in my decsion. WEll thanx for being there for me everybody and thanks molly for taking the time on me.

February 6, 2001
8:11 pm
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Molly
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Ok, well I am so glad that this place to vent is here for you. As a kid when my mom and dad did the parenting thing, I hated it too! But my mom and even a maid at one point in my life did the same to clothes. When my girls were old enough to reach the washer, they had to do all of their own laundry just so this wouldn't happen. Chores are chores, and being a family member means we must do them, its the price of life. So take it like you did and vent here. We all yell when our expectations are not met, and they expected the dishes done, and yada yada yada.

Have you considered that possibley you have hooked up with the wrong friends? Typical problems for teens your age are about dating, when and if, and darn they won't let me, and all the chores you must do and taking care of siblings, and the mean ole teacher and all the stupid home work. I mean what I think would be normal, is not a group of kids that cut, or think of suicide. this stuff is like cancer, and grows quickly. Nerds in cheerleading , or political groups don't talk like this but then again they are nerds, but seems like a healthier bunch. Just a thought. Its even harder to make friends when your an adult, that is why it is important to be happy and feel good about you, know who you are and what you want out of life, but that takes time..

February 7, 2001
3:38 pm
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GothicGirl
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I guess it is hard for me with my new friends because they have been together for 3 years and I jsut kinda joined up with their group this year. I guess I kinda of feel bad cause I feel I have brought the rest of the group down because I have always been depressed. I have changed a lot for my new friends though too. I have quit smoking and all the things I used to do. So in a way they are supportive but at the same time they don't understand me completely and that is difficult. The main reason I am friends with most of them is because of my depression. I met a couple of them in group and it was kind of a good way of support but it is hard cause I don't get the attention I need with my friends and at home. They all are dealing with there own depression and problems.

February 7, 2001
4:46 pm
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Molly
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So, if I understand you met these kids in group, like a help you with your problems group? Sometimes it works as support, and sometimes it doesn't. With my clients, they are not supposed to associate. #1, bad+bad = more bad, its easier to find the dark side of things, then do something bad to support the bad. It is too hard to be the light force and then you, being a kind person stuck shinning for all the darkness, Then you feel guilty leaving them to find their own light, and somehow feel like you abandonded them? Just like you feel bad when they abandon you, to persue darkness, or their own light? I know that friends are everything at your age, but finding the right people to consider friends is like an experiment. Maybe your not even depressed, maybe it is just the depressed group your trying to fit in with? It is amazing how much people change by who they associate with. Sometimes people change the dress, slang words, accents, and attitudes. Even as adults it is important to choose your associations wisely. Maybe to help you get more grounded, in your discovery process, it might not hurt to avoid group for a while, and the friends that you associate with that belong to the group. Group is a strange process, sometimes it helps to develop insights, and sometimes it can churn the caca, and still with caca, just rehashing the problems, and the negativity, and the insults, and the rejection, that makes you more depressed, and angry, and sad. You can make excuses that your working on a project, and you are YOU. Look at successful appearing to be happy people, and try to hang with them, just like Cici, and Janes have suggested change your mind, and it changes your life. Maybe you would make a kewl nerd?
Now smile.

February 7, 2001
4:47 pm
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Molly
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So, if I understand you met these kids in group, like a help you with your problems group? Sometimes it works as support, and sometimes it doesn't. With my clients, they are not supposed to associate. #1, bad+bad = more bad, its easier to find the dark side of things, then do something bad to support the bad. It is too hard to be the light force and then you, being a kind person stuck shinning for all the darkness, Then you feel guilty leaving them to find their own light, and somehow feel like you abandonded them? Just like you feel bad when they abandon you, to persue darkness, or their own light? I know that friends are everything at your age, but finding the right people to consider friends is like an experiment. Maybe your not even depressed, maybe it is just the depressed group your trying to fit in with? It is amazing how much people change by who they associate with. Sometimes people change the dress, slang words, accents, and attitudes. Even as adults it is important to choose your associations wisely. Maybe to help you get more grounded, in your discovery process, it might not hurt to avoid group for a while, and the friends that you associate with that belong to the group. Group is a strange process, sometimes it helps to develop insights, and sometimes it can churn the caca, and still with caca, just rehashing the problems, and the negativity, and the insults, and the rejection, that makes you more depressed, and angry, and sad. You can make excuses that your working on a project, and you are YOU. Look at successful appearing to be happy people, and try to hang with them, just like Cici, and Janes have suggested change your mind, and it changes your life. Maybe you would make a kewl nerd?
Now smile.

February 8, 2001
3:19 pm
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GothicGirl
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🙂 happy a smile from me. But the truth is I have been depressed my whole life anmd a cutter and stuff for the last 4 years these people I am friends with now have only been depressed and cutting for like the last year(That I am aware of) And I believe they are better then my previous friends.

February 8, 2001
7:56 pm
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Molly
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Well that is good, and at 14 I just can't believe that you have been depressed your whole life. This is a label that some how you have attached to, and it does not serve you. Pick a different one, and live that one. It really is that simple, so give me a new label, and we will find suggestions to support it. I was reading a book last night that stated depression is a state caused by repressed anger, do you have a clue what you migh be angry at???????? Keep that smile, and keep the conversation going. XX Molly

February 10, 2001
3:21 pm
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GothicGirl
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I have been depressed my whole life it is not just a label I have picked and I am sick of people telling me that I want to know how people know what I am and how I feel when they aren't inside of me NO ONE has any idea how I have felt my whole life. I have absolutely nothing to be angry at and in a book I read the said that it is b*ll sh*t that depression is caused by something from the past that has aggravated you or made you made it is RARELY caused by something from the past.

February 11, 2001
9:01 am
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janes
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Okay...Are you going to spend the REST of your life depressed? The day you had smiles...did that feel better?

If breaking into a new group is tough can you keep up that attempt yet watch for others who are positive people to make a NEW group with?

Depressed or not your life is YOUR LIFE to choose how to live. For now you have the responsibility of being part of a family etc. But in a few short years you will be going off on your own....

Now is the time to practice making new friends and understanding that NO ONE OTHER PERSON can ever fulfill us totally

Fulfillmnet needs to come from within. From inside you.

Also remember that if you want to prive a fact you can find an author to back you up. There are many books about psychological stuff...and many different "schools of thought" about depression, mania, alheimer's etc.

Good luck.

February 11, 2001
7:20 pm
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GothicGirl
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Thank you for the advice everybody. I have been kinda left out again. I have a couple of friends where it's always got to be about them and it is hard because I don't get attention anywhere besides my friends and when they are around I don't get any attenion at all. I have never got much attention at home so I have always looked other places like guys or friends and lately I am getting less and less.

February 12, 2001
6:18 pm
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Molly
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Gosh didn't mean to push your buttons, and I didn't mean to suggest that you picked a label. Its just like the child that is called stupid all its life grows up believing that they are stupid because that is the only label that has been assigned. There are many books with many theories, many of it could be B*S* but some of it might work for some one else, know what I mean? Are both your parents your bio parents, or has there been divorce and remarriage? Is there more responsibility given to you and more attention to sisters or brothers? do you feel like the family slave, you complained about chores before, and excuse me but I think you sounded angry, but that is a good thing sometimes. We are just trying to be there for you trying to present ideas, and what if's, this is all your ball game and in your ball park. We are the friendlies remember.

February 13, 2001
11:09 pm
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GothicGirl
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Well there is a possibilty my dad isn't my dad cause my parents split for awhile right before I came about but I have always just assumed he is my real dad but there it is a chance it was my moms boy friend from that little time. Iam the oldest opf my sisters and I alway get all the punishment and yelled at for the chores and everything and I am expected did to change my whole scheduale at the drop of a dime for them.

February 14, 2001
7:20 pm
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Molly
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Being the oldest sucks. I was, its like they get away with every thing, and we are the parents slave. I remember when I moved out my mom got a maid!!!!!!!! Doesn't matter about mom and dad splitting , if he has been there he is the dad. Hope you are doing better.

February 18, 2001
9:45 pm
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Well I am feeling a little better lately I still have my down days. Today is my sisters birthday party and I am expected to sacrafice all my plans so I can help and they are all a bunch of 12 yr olds she is having over. Oh well I asked of friend of mine to come over but he didn't seem intrested so whatever. Well I better go my mom is calling

February 18, 2001
10:00 pm
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GothicGirl
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Who am I kidding when I am saying I am feeling better obviously not myself I don't know what to do I am at a crossroads go back to old me or try to stay nearly perfect i don't know what to do

February 19, 2001
6:02 pm
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Molly
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Stay perfect, it serves you, what do you have to loose? Give it time the rewards for being good take longer. Hang tough, this is your life, not anyone elses. Love your self.

February 19, 2001
6:47 pm
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My only reward so far is I lost a bunch of friends thatI know cared for a bunch of friends I am not sure about they never seem to want to talk and stuff or hang out or anything I don't if you call that a reward. Oh yeah and the stereotype(if thats what you call it) that I haven't changed ad that I am still a freak. The only good thing is well I can't really think of any right now I will have to get back to you.

February 19, 2001
10:25 pm
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Molly
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We are all freaks if you will, some more unique than others. so you enjoy a beat to a different drum, is that the worst? If you lost them they were not friends, just aquaintences, there will be many in your life. You only know what you know, and compared to the world and all of time it is nothing. A spec, a flash, less than a second. Explore positive things, focus selfishly on you create your world, no one will for you. I wish I could hand you a key that would open a majic door, and happiness would flood from it, embracing you, so that you fall to the floor in giggles.come to think of it I wish I had one my self, I would share, promise 🙂

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