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walk away
July 20, 2005
7:58 pm
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lita
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well i dont know if you remember but if you dont, iam the one who has a bad habit of walking away from my problems instead of dealing with them, it seems to be my mo if you will. and i have done it again when ever things get bad or tough. i get going . i dont deal with conflict easy. id rather not deal with it at all. then i end up having to say iam sorry. for leaving and not trying to talk things out. i know everyone said the more i get used of talking things out instead of leaving, it will get easier but it is hard for me to change. i always fall back on my anger storming off and leaving that way no can see my pain or whats really under all of the anger. i have a hard time talking things out. and i dont really know why i guess its easier to put up a wall

July 20, 2005
8:53 pm
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Rasputin
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Hi Lita,

Try to find out the reason why you do that. Face the truth. Take a piece of paper and write down your thoughts, fears, doubts, whys...and be VERY HONEST with yourself.

Without introspection and total self-honesty, we cannot progress.

Remember it is a process and it takes time, effort and going deep inside our souls to examine the whys.

~Love, RAS~

July 20, 2005
9:17 pm
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luv2luvher
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You know lita my ex use to do the same thing. She would always blow up and storm off. She would actually leave our house and not come back for hours. Towards the end before she finally left me she would leave and not come back til the next morning. She would always come back apologizing and trying to make things right again. But she would never confront the true issue that she stormed out on. I think that was alot of our problem, we would have a disagreement and it would never get resolved so whenever we fought it seemed like our previous fight would stem into the new fight and the problem just got bigger and bigger. I wish I could understand this myself. I was always the type that could sit there and talk for hours hoping to come up with resolution. But then again some people just have to walk away for awhile. It is alright I have learned to walk away for a moment but there needs to be a time where you can come back to the issue at hand and detemine a resolution. I don't know if I am just rambling but that is my view...

Much Luv,
Luv2LuvHer

July 20, 2005
9:23 pm
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on my way
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i went through this, but had to look at my childhood to figure out why. my role models solved problems by yelling, so it was th eway i learned to communicate. at the other end of the spectrum...i was extrememly passive on the outside, and very angry on the inside. my heart would beat out of my chest if someone "did not like me"..which to ome was everyone who crossed me at the time.

but bottom line? i did not like me, so i figured no one else would either. it made me very compliant in relaitonships, and i always lost them. i was afraid to reveal who i was, for fear of rejection. i did not have a healthy perspective about anger, so i was afraid to get miffed, uoset or angry, because i remember how as a child, other people being this way hurt me.

i don't know if you can relate to this or not, but maybe these are some ideas to think about.

July 21, 2005
10:52 am
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lita
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luv2luvher, you almost describe me to a tee, iam just so used to running away, ive been doing it for so long. iam in counseling trying to change but its so hard. you know how you said your lady friend, would leave and come back later and tell you she was sorry, well , i have a hard time even admitting iam wrong . i dont like to say iam sorry, ive had to do it twice lately , it doesnt come easy for me. i much rather avoid the whole subject. you know never bring it up again ,sweep it under the rug, this is the only place i feel comfortable enough to talk about my issues openly, but when it comes to talking with people i care about or love i cant. iam trying but its always easier to take myself out of the situation, i wish i knew why anger is the first response, then i leave every time, i dont know, i need alot of work

July 21, 2005
4:16 pm
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luv2luvher
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I know for my ex her father was exactly as she acted. If he missed placed something he would get really irrate. He would yell at her mother like she was the one that misplaced it. I think she gets her anger and her attitude to walk away from her parents. I think you just need to find the sourse that caused this and start from there. I know my ex has alot of pride and I would almost classify her as one of the guys. You know it seems alot more men are apt to walk away and then sweep it under the carpet then most women. She was never one to ask for help she could conqueror the world on her own. I just know that once you can come to terms with the fact that it is easier to talk about it and come to resolution the better you life will be. But you are taking the steps to get there. I look up to that and respect you. At least you have recognized this and are welling to seek the help you feel you need.. I applaud you.

Luv2

July 24, 2005
5:42 pm
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I C Gold
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I too would rather "walk" away from an issue rather than show someone how angry I really am. I supressed so much anger from my childhood and marriages that sometimes the littlest thing will set me off and I'll just explode!! which isn't healthy for anybody. I keep saying DENIAL is a river in Egypt-ha ha
If I ignore it long enough, it will go away. X2 said we never communicated and we didn't becasue I didn't know how to healthy wise. I felt if I gave in I was being submissive or meek, 2 traits I can't stand in a person. Plus with his verbal abuse, it was all going to be my fault anyway so why argue about it?
My journaling has been a real blessing, I've even stopped at work for a few minutes and wrote when something came over me and I wanted to get it off my chest. Boy if anybody I wrote about ever reads those,WOW! but it's healthy for me to rid myself of the anger and sadness.

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