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August 1, 2001
12:14 pm
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i have a feeling in the pit of my stomach - fear.

my boyfriend of several months is moving to a small town an hour away. i've never been with anyone who's lived far away. i'm afraid the distance will cause problems in forming and working on the relationship. he says he wants the relationship, but has to fulfill his dream of living in this town. he has no money to get a phone, but says it's his priority for work. he know how important it is for me to talk to him especially at first.

i need advice on how to adjust to this change. i am overwhelmed with fear and anxiety about the distance. is this normal? how can i cope and still feel like there is some hope for the relationship to survive? i'm so scared we will drift apart.

August 1, 2001
12:57 pm
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to add a note: I'm a rather needy person. i need advice on how to get over being with this person for two months straight, then not with him. i'm scared to face being alone after this. normally i enjoy solitude and prefer it to hanging out with friends. i'm fine until he comes into my life again. soon after that, my life dissapears and he and the relationship become priority.

my problem starts when i find myself bonding tightly to him, then when he leaves, it's a major hurdle for me to get back to my own life. just the simplest things he does without me make me feel threatened.

am i co-dependent?

August 1, 2001
2:04 pm
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I've done a long-distance relationship, and I know how hard it can be to let go. I once made arrangements to live and work in an area for a summer because my boyfriend was talking of living and working in that town, too. As it turned out, his plans fell through and he went back home for the summer. I was devastated. BUT, it foced me to focus on ME for awhile. I had to rediscover what I enjoyed in life WITHOUT him being around. And it showed me that it's very dangerous to let your emotional happiness rely so heavily on just one person. If you let someone else control the steering wheel of your life, you're leaving your life open to wrecks! As hard as it seems right now, try to be patient. Support his need to strive for his work-related goals in this new town. Otherwise, it will breed resentment on his side. Focus on YOU. Once you allow your life to revolve around somebody else, you will become a slave to their emotions and choices. And you're too beautiful, unique and important to neglect yourself that way.

August 1, 2001
2:35 pm
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Thank you so much! My instincts are telling me the same thing. To work on my projects while he is away and try to develop as an individual. I know he would be proud to see me do that instead of depend on him! You've made me feel really confident about this - your support means more than you know...

BTW I've offered to help him get things in order in his new place - when all the other help offered has fallen through on him. He gets my help for free!

Thanks to your note, i'm looking forward to the next thing... with or without him!

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