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violent thoughts from jealousy
June 29, 2000
1:33 am
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Xkleen
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I have severe jealousy for my girlfriends ex boyfriend. I have hurt her several times by doing things like going riding all night then asking her where he lived and going to the neighborhood and asking her for the exact address....but i got anxious and pulled out a gun and she wouldn't tell me. Other times i have asked her to kill him. I fantasize about killing him. What can i do ?

June 29, 2000
12:19 pm
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Cici
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See a therapist, immediately. What you've described is pathologically violent and paranoid and you need professional help.

June 29, 2000
9:53 pm
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Xkleen
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i was in a psych. hospital before for being suicidal and depressed, i'm manic depressive, they didn't help me at all. i dont trust any type of shrinks or counselors anyway

June 29, 2000
10:09 pm
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Xkleen
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About the first post, I didn't pull the gun on my girlfriend to tell me the address or show me his house, I just pulled it out and it was exposed.

June 30, 2000
8:49 pm
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Frieda
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Cici's right, though Xkleen.

You know where you are, in your head, but from outside it looks really scary to me. Even if you were just jealous and fantasized about killing him, you would want some help trying to get rid of that fascination. You do want to stop, it sounds like. Get over it, not let him control your thoughts and fuel your anger. Right? You know well what the consequences of homicide are, right? Yet if you continue to obsess about it, you will rationalize and justify until it is OK to kill, in your mind.

If you will go to counseling, you can get help, get free from this drivenness. It didn't work before. That happens. It might not help now. But if you don't go, you WONT get help, and you can ruin your life. There is hope.

Remember your thoughts are just thoughts and you don't have to act on them.

And get rid of the gun. Ask someone you trust to hold it for you. You do not need the added temptation and means.

How badly do you want to be free of this? LOTS, I hope...

July 3, 2000
9:11 am
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hazza
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Xkleen,

It is not your fault that you feel this intense level of jealousy and violence - none of us choose to have the issues we face.

HOWEVER - it is your choice to ignore the fact that this behaviour is damaging to you and your girlfriend.

You have a responsibility to change this behaviour - whatever it takes to get the help in doing that.

Have you thought about how your girlfriend must have felt when you were having a jealous rage and asking her ex's address whilest HOLDING A GUN??????
Do you really think that it makes a difference that you were not pointing the gun AT HER????
What you are doing is EMOTIONAL ABUSE.
Please recognise it as what it is and seek help.

You should not be living with anyone until you are able to stop this kind of behaviour. I know that is hard but it is the right thing to do.
You need to try to find a therapist that you can trust. And you mst make sure that until you start on solving this issue that you DO NOT involve your girlfriend or anyone else in these rages. IT IS NOT FAIR TO DO THAT TO ANYONE, LET ALONE SOMEONE YOU CARE ABOUT.

It is called being a man. and that is realising your own issues and doing what it takes to resolve them, by getting help - that is not something to be ashamed of it is something to be proud about.
That is being a man - realising that you love someone else more than your own fears and insecurities.

If you cannot control these rages right now then have your girlfriend move out until you are able to control them. Her mental state will suffer if she has to witness more action like this.
If you don't you will kill any love between you in time and she will be ith you our of fear not love - you make happen the very thing you are afraid of happening.

Better to admit that you have this problem now and DEAL with it.
Go to your doctor, read up on anger and co-dep issues. talk to us here - but please do not ignore this. because this anger is inside you and unless you face it like a man it will ruin so many things for you.
if you save the love you and your girlfriend have now then it will be there for when youa re ready. take this time to work on you. Please
Peace
Hazza

July 3, 2000
10:10 am
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Cici
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OK. Xkleen. What you did with teh gun was inexcusable. You never pull out your weapon unless you're cleaning it or you mean to use it. Otherwise you don't deserve to own a weapon like that. I've known how to shoot guns and rifles since i was 14, my Dad was military. You obviously never learned gun safety and this is dangerous. A person suffering from severe bipolar mood disorder should not even own a gun because without medication, mood changes can make you act in ways you normally wouldn't.

I stand by my first line of advise. People who are pathologically paranoid and violent have trouble distinguishing right from wrong, trouble controlling thier impulses, and trouble distinguishing reality from their own paranoid fantasies. This makes it virtually impossible for them to help themselves. Please seek out professional help!!

July 3, 2000
6:17 pm
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heartfelt
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Xkleen..the key word is ex-boyfriend.I for one saw no indication that their relationship is ongoing. Now you have one and I suspect if you want to keep it, you;ll pull back and take a long hard look at the reality of your actions. I understand that you may not trust the theraputic enviornment,but there's are more than the one you've been to, and also specialized therapists able to help if you give them a chance. No man is an island my friend, I know.

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