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violent out of control housemate...
November 12, 2006
9:30 pm
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orangeboy
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hey all. haven't been on here in awhile, but after what we went through here last night i need some support. i got woken up at 3am last night by pounding and banging, the whole house shaking and loud voices yelling. i thought some folks were drunk outside and had us mixed up with someone else or something, but after a while, i came to realize that all the noise was my housemates.

they've been together for a long time, married ten years and one of them has just come to the realization that she thinks she's gay. anyhow, that part of the story isn't the point. the point is that all of us were kept awake all night last night by their physical altercations. throwing and breaking shit, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs, loud violent sobs, really really out of control. scary. i had to physically get in front of one of them last night. he had locked her out of her room and she was screaming at the top of her lungs for him to open the door and running and throwing herself against the door with all her might trying to break it down.

i have been really seriously ill with a kidney infection and don't know what all. was in the hospital not too long ago and have felt very afraid of how sick i've been.

i feel really really upset and angry about the way that these two were behaving. i haven't been out of bed for days and was jsut in the hospital not too long ago.

i have to take a break...

November 13, 2006
10:39 am
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lovetocrochet
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Really sorry you're going through all of this.

When do you think it will be possible to move out, or have these people kicked out if this isn't their home? Because I don't see any other alternative... stuff like this is inexcusable.

November 13, 2006
10:58 am
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jastypes
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I would recommend treating such behavior as domestic violence, and calling 911 if it happens again. I'd let them know that was my plan too, in case they might be able to reign in their emotions without police involvement.

November 13, 2006
11:24 am
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gracenotes
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orangeboy,

I had renters in my house for awhile. Is this your place? If so, is there a rental agreement? I think you would be justified giving them a 3 day (if that applies in your state) and kicking them out. I wouldn't hesitate calling 911 either. Often the police can be of help and it would be a message to them to cut it out. This sounds dangerous and if you are sick, that's not going to help your healing. Would help to know more details. Sorry you are having this problem. There was one time with a renter that I had to vacate my own house and stay with friends until he left (drinking problem).

November 13, 2006
11:46 am
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malibugirl
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Definitly call 911--Their drunken stupidity does not need to be in your home whether you own it or not. And, I agree--all that chaos will NOT speed your recovery! Get well soon! 🙂

November 13, 2006
11:57 am
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cyndra820
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Orangeboy,

I think you should tell them that the next time their behavior escalates like that you will be calling 911. I think the police should have been called rather than having you physically interfere. Your health would be in jeopardy if either of them had struck you.

If you can move or get them out of there. I don't want anything to happen to you. I'm very sorry you are having to deal with out of control housemates and health issues.

Regards,
Cyndra

November 14, 2006
1:00 am
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orangeboy
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thanks all. i've been just avoiding them 'cos i don't know what else to do. i'm pissed off. actually right now i'm shaking and my pain and illness level just shot through the roof.

no, this isn't my house, my girlfriend and i just moved in about 4 months ago. the two people involved are friends of hers that she's known for a long long time. oh i'm so mad.

he came and knocked on my door last night to talk with me about it and i said no, that i needed to rest and wasn't up for talking to him. maybe i'm punishing him, more than that i just feel that its not my responsibility to make him feel better and i'm not about to give him that.

just now someone came and banged on the front door which got the dog to barking and i ignored it in hopes that whoever it was would leave, i'm sick and exhausted and don't feel like dealing with people. but then i heard the front door open and someone come inside so i went out there and it's a friend of the housemates looking for him saying that he was told that it was ok for him to stay here tonight.

now i've been avoiding the living room and kitchen of the house all day so as to not have to deal with this man. and again, there was absolutely no consideration given to the fact that other people live in this house. just like there was no consideration given when he brought us all into his issues by waking us up at 3 am and keeping us up all night.

but what the hell is this? back to normal supposedly? damn. today the two of them were upstairs laughing, acting like all was ok. am i overreacting here? ii'm pissed off. i wasn't able to do a lot of things that i had to do, that i was looking forward to doing yesterday because he kept me up all night the night before and made me sicker by adding a lot to my stress level.

she was back here yesterday and back sleeping with him last night. she came and knocked on the door and apologized. no doubt that was what he was trying to do but like i said before, i'm not ready to give him anything, i want him to think about it.

apparently he's agreed to stop drinking and work on his anger management. great. good for him. i'll believe it when i see it. this still doesn't resolve the problem for me of having to live with him.

November 14, 2006
1:08 am
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orangeboy
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and when i told my girlfriend that i found about 8 leads on houses to move into last night, she said, what, are you trying to stress me out? she said it with a laugh and a smile on her face, and i know that we're busy, but damn. how am i supposed to try and go back to how it was before after how intense that was? i was intensely triggered about the way that i grew up in a house full of that sort of violence and i have worked hard to not have to be around that again.

i already don't like these people. i didn't like them to begin with, i think they are mean and condescending and rude. they act like they think they're smarter than everyone. but i agreed to move in because the rent is really really cheap. the house is right in town and only a 3 minute drive from my school.

i regretted my choice from the first day we moved in, but i had been learning to accept and deal with it, figured out ways to make it work until we move in june. until that intense episode the other night. then my girlfriend finally agreed to move. she had asked me previously to "please not make any waves" in terms of figuring out how to make it work with these housemates and so i haven't done much that i would have liked to do to make this a more tolerable living space for me.

tonight i'm at a place where i'd like to just go off on the guy. but i won't. i can control my anger, but right now i should go for a walk. that would cool me off. but it's pouring rain and i'm sick and i'm trapped in this damn house and i don't think that it would be a good idea for me to drive anywhere. maybe i'll go for a walk anyway, i have to get this anger out of my body somehow...

November 14, 2006
1:52 am
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orangeboy
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i just think that we have to move out. i just went for a long walk and feel ok. a little nauseous, but a lot less angry. tho my stomach hurts more. but i think that's from the anger, not from the walk, but maybe. maybe both.

it sucks 'cos we just finally got set up in this house how we wanted it and the rent is really really cheap while all the other rent in town is really really expensive.

part of me wants to have compassion and understanding. who hasnt lost their temper when they're angry? the extent to which he lost his temper and was out of control is wholly unacceptable. and it is even more unacceptable that she had to come and apologize to us for his anger. although she wasn't innocent in the matter either.

i'm just mad. .why should we have to move all our stuff when i'm sick and we're both super busy and behind in school and why should we have to pay more rent when they're the ones who screwed up.

i don't want to be the one to not forgive someone who is truly sorry for what they've done. but how long will it take for me to know that he's sorry? and more importantly that he will change? inviting a guest to stay without checking in to me is yet another complete disregard for the people that you live with.

i just think that somewhere in his head he knew that he was waking us all up, including me who was just in the hospital and needs rest more than anything and he didn't care. he didn't care enough to go outside, to go for a walk, to go throw rocks or something. no, he insisted on staying in the house and raging--for nearly 4 straight hours, starting at 3 am. and continuing after he knew that he had woken us up.

and now i look like an asshole after the way i just "greeted" our house guest. but who walks into a house with a dog barking and walks past the first room with a light on and into the living room? who walks in quietly without announcing their presence? maybe the guy figured that the housemate had made arrangements with his other housemates and made sure it was ok. maybe i should apologize to the house guest and explain that my anger is not with him but with our housemate.

i just don't want to be dealing with any of this. i shouldn't have to be. my plate was already too full as it was. i'm already almost a month behind in my classes with waaaay too much school work to be done.

November 14, 2006
1:56 am
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orangeboy
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so if we move out in between semesters it will mean no vacation for us--and a vacation is much needed for both of us...

although i guess which is worse, getting a short break and having to return to a sucky living situation, or not getting a break and fixing up a house that feels safe and clean and healthy and just how we both want it, sans drunken rages and random people walking in in the middle of the night?

November 14, 2006
12:02 pm
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gracenotes
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orangeboy,

You haven't liked these people from day one. I would think that using your vacation time to move would be more valuable than a vacation. Bad living situations (have certainly been there) are so absolutely draining and stressful. I am so thankful for the peace and quiet of my home and it defines again what a home needs to me: a place to come home to, a place of relaxation and reprieve. A place to recharge and take a mini retreat from the busy outside world.

November 14, 2006
12:41 pm
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TryingToLetGoAndMoveOn
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Well, I certainly don't think that you should have to feel that stressed out, in your own home. I would try to do something about it, if I were you. I would stand up to them, and tell them to get their act together, or they can find somewhere else to stay, because you are not going to tolerate their childish and immature crap any longer.

Trying.

November 14, 2006
12:50 pm
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bevdee
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orangeboy,

I wonder if you Should try to talk to them? If you let them know you are thinking of leaving because of the noise, lack of concern for your health, and general lack of respect and boundaries- it might cause them to think about some things. Such as - do they need the rent you pay?

If they are just doing yall a favor and haven't gotten accustomed to that money, then I suppose you would have to put up with the rudeness and yelling, until you can find another place to stay.

Bevdee

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