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Violence and reactions to it. Feelinglost
May 31, 2007
4:14 pm
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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Hi everyone,

here is the latest I started talking to a guy that I met X the last time my ex-R and I broke up. When I met him a few months ago he told me he was filing for divorce and I thought that was the case. R & X were co-workers and R was making life hell for x. Long story short we ended it. Well I ran into x recently and we have been talking. This weekend we went out and were drinking he was being very controling. Long story short I went to walk away and he grabbed me. His friend told him to let go and he tried to hit him. I left Immediately. The following day I ignored his calls, finally a few days after he said he wanted to tlak today at lunch. I agreed, then changed my mind shortly before I met him. I got this email from X. What do you think? It kind of made me feel bad but I do not feel I did anything wrong.

After some long consideration, I have decided that there is no need for us to meet up to discuss anything of relevance. After days of misery, uncertainties, feelings of untrust, and dealing with a barrage of confusing and conflicting text messages, I can not continue with this distraction in my life. It is beginning to affect my work, health, daily activities and overall zest for life. I do not know what you want from me anymore but I am not going to continue with the internal struggle of trying to figure out.
My feelings for you obviously run really deep as I have proven time and time again with life sacrifices. I need to begin the process of dissolving them and beginning my new life of bachelorhood with my son. I expect it to be an uphill battle since I think about you constantly but I expect the victory at the end to make me a stronger person.
I have apologized numerous times for my actions over the weekend not only through voice mails and text messages but probably about a million times in my head. It was not one of my proudest moments. I realized I subjected you to not only feelings of fear but also a resemblance of past relationships. That fact alone was what probably upset me the most. However, it was a life changing event in the fact that it made realize I have a major flaw that needs to be corrected (but hey if it¡¦s my only one, that isn¡¦t too bad, rightƒº). And one that will be rectified immediately. I¡¦m not perfect but I¡¦m going to do whatever takes to be just that for the future.
The other problem I have with the weekend is that while I apologized for my actions, I never received one back. It made me realize a few things about your personality that I had ¡§blocked¡¨ out before because of my feelings. Your actions and lack of response to my voice messages reflected a lack of maturity as well make me feel like I was the lone horrible person in this event. It made me have doubts about how good of a guy I am¡K¡K¡K...well, I know in my heart I¡¦m a great guy. I just need to file the edges.
I can absolutely say I have NEVER loved an individual as much as I loved you. It feels greatƒº People should be so lucky to experience what I have. From the first time I saw you, there was no doubt what I wanted. It¡¦s an awesome feeling. I have always respected you for the person you were despite all of my friends (I never told you this) telling me you were ¡§bad news¡¨ and ¡§not a good person¡¨. What they didn¡¦t see was the side of you that is passionate, caring, loving, and compassionate. They should be so lucky to be with you. I know I wasƒº
In the end, we continually chose paths in our lives that are either going to make us stronger or totally devastate us. And while I have finally jumped onto the Strong Path, I have run down the Path of Devastation too many times only to come out covered in mud and hurt. My heart can¡¦t take it anymore. We need to plow your path so it doesn¡¦t cross mine anymoreƒº
Good luck with your career, relationships and overall happiness in life. You deserve it!
Love Always,
X
(This was my closure)

May 31, 2007
4:29 pm
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risingfromtheashes
st regis falls, ny
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wow...I really don't know everything that went on BUT -

It is fairl common for violence to escalate...and considering it involved alcohol...it is not a really good combo.

I don't know all the details, but would think you were in the right to ignore his calls while you recovered from this. It must have been frightening.

He said " have a major flaw that needs to be corrected (but hey if it¡¦s my only one, that isn¡¦t too bad, rightƒº"....and it makes me scared to think that violence isn't such a bad flaw...it is a HUGE flaw. Just because it's the only one does not reduce it's impact.

His email DOES sound genuine...but the trust has been destroyed...and I can't see how you would not walk on eggshells around him. If he raised his hand in a certain way, would you flinch?

Also, you mention leaving him once already...I am sure that there was a good reason for it...so perhaps you did the right thing in the long run.

If he is controlling and violent, you need to run for the hills.

Don't feel bad for protecting yourself...and you don't owe him an explanation either...he seems to understand why you aren't answering...sure, he doesn't like it, but that's his problem, not yours...he created this mess...let him fix his "only flaw"...good luck to the next victim....it won't be you!

May 31, 2007
5:16 pm
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taj64
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September 30, 2010
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gee you sure jump from one frying pan to another. Feeling Lost why are you out there connecting up with ex friends of the ex boyfriend? Don't go with ex's. Ex are x's, past history. I don't think it is the best idea in the world to be trying hard to find another relationship especially with one that obviously cared for you but you cannot return it until you recover from the last one. That is my honest opinion. Take a bit of break.

And also you seem to be a bit of a drinker and things get out of control, not just with your ex boyfriend but others too. Maybe take a look at that see if it is problems that might not happen. drinking causes things that might not ordinarily happen if sober. The guy sounds a bit oversensitive and has feelings for you. What would be the point in leading him on if you are not over the other guy? Just be careful. You have enough to worry about. sounds like a lot of game playing and drama.

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