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Viagra and Trust and intimacy ?
October 18, 2001
12:29 pm
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Molly
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I know how I feel about this issue, but thought I would post for feed back and discussion. Ok, so today we have it available, and in all sorts of forms. The adult males are trading it at the offices in town like it was a joint or something. Hey got me some, ya tried it, my girl friend loves it, yada yada, while they strut down the halls with their renewed maleness, regardless of age, from 23-60 like kids at the corner with a drug dealer.
So, for example your in that committed marital rut, same old same old, sometimes good, sometimes just there, and all of a sudden WHOAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT THE HELL IS THAT, WHERE DID THAT COME FROM ? He says I took a pill Joe gave me said it was a lot of fun. You as the unknowing unsuspecting wife says for who? As he is still howling, and has an extension that won't go away. You say ugh is it safe, does your doctor know? What is a little pill going to do? Break me for one thing, a girl could use a little warning, its for me I guess more than you. Well I didn't enjoy it, and don't really care for it, but how about a heads up next time. Ok, I won't use it if you don't want me to. What ever.
A year goes by, and despite the wars that rage in marriage, the usual stand off disappeared, and the warrior wants woman, and again, and again. Woman thinks ahha he got it, he is making up to woman for his sins, demonstrating his love, renewed sense of affection, hmmmmmmmmmmm 4 time in one weekend, wether you want it or not, hmmmmmmm just like the old days.
Then on Monday, you take the trash out, and discover a drug kit, with a RX bottle, and hypodermic needle, you ask what the hell is this? Ugh ugh its like Viagra, Jerry gave it to me, he said it was lots of fun.Where did he get it, oh, from the VA, I see, and when did you use this, ugh Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Why you gotta problem with it?
So, ladies and gentle man, what is your take on this delimma? does it take away from intimacy? does it violate trust? Is it all about him?

October 18, 2001
1:09 pm
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Ladeska
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The GRAND MASTER PENIS is at it again, huh? Rearing his ugly head once more to look and preen at himself in the mirror. Ain't it cute?

Ugh.

....snore....wake me up when you're done, okay? Hey, anyone can go buy a dildo. What's the difference? They are pumped up and the same old fart behind the footlong. um, not attractive.... not appealing and where's the intimacy anyways?

Guys just don't get it. It may be cool for them to ram you to the headboards, makes them feel all manly and whatever - but the romance part of it - along with knowing how to foreplay, how to really "connect" with a woman, "his woman" - is what does it for us. The headboard thing is okay now and then - but if you don't have the other going on - forget it.

The lack of wanting intimacy with anyone just causes implosion of a person all the way around. We were designed for being close to someone, our family, our children, our mate...we need that. So, if we don't have that connection, if we sabotage it when we do, we just go down hill and become very deficient, very closed and rather cold inside.

Thing is though - it's a choice. For some people, like I just said on another thread - they don't want intimacy and they are hanging that shingle out there for you to see - point blank. We just have to SEE it and recognize it for what it says and means to us.

We keep trying analyze it to death - when in all reality - their actions have stated - This is who they are - therefore we have to turn around and ask the question of ourself - is this okay with me? Does it feel good to me, is it what I want to be connected to? We spend soooo much of our life's energy - looking at the road sign and motoring right past it. Going well, not really sure if that paint is REALLY red or not, or if it really means STOP like it says - maybe it just means - do a slow roll...or maybe someone picked it up from somewhere else and placed it here by mistake.... OR, maybe we just thought we saw the sign but we didn't really.... ugh...

Do you get my drift here? Viagra or whatever he uses isn't about getting closer to you or his maleness - it's about pushing people away actually. It's about being mechanical with no true connection to anyone. That's my take on it.

October 18, 2001
1:58 pm
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Molly
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Duh, like minds. But I am hoping for a male perspective. I understand why some men would need or want to try it, I mean gosh and golly. But I would imagine, that part of the fun, if you will being nasty after all those years, would be something that you would share ???? Ya know something like baby, rest up have I got a surprise for US.

October 18, 2001
3:49 pm
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Alena
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Well, here we go again, trying to figure out the male mind (same area).

I'm going to ask my husband when he comes home tonight Molly, what he thinks about using it and why he thinks whatever he does. I want to know the "why" behind it...I want to know his thinking. I can tell you this, my opinion from his male mind, after all these years.

I think you can use Viagra, or anything like it, as long as you both agree. Using it and not telling the other is pretty childish. Who is he trying to kid? Like he's never had sex with you before?? Like you wont, uh, notice a little difference?? And like you're stupid enough to think it's because you just look exceptionally good that day??? Duh.

It's immature, it's not giving you any credit for being understanding, it's treating you like a stranger. It also breaks all the trust rules.

But from some men's point of view, I think they WOULD think, hey, it's for her, she's gonna love it, no reason to be mad, I'll just f her brains out and she'll be breathless and thankfull.....UGH...that barbaric thinking exists and makes me sick.
Thankfully, my husband isn't that macho.

If the guy is genuinely concerned about pleasing his partner, it goes way beyond Viagra. Some guys just don't get that, and they don't want to. Dont tell me how to do it, I'm a guy, I just do it, here I am, all you gotta do is take it and like it.
Barf!

I think my husband would say, if he doesn't tell his partner, he's doing it for the wrong reasons. It can be used as an "aid" in the bigger(sorry)
scheme of things, but it takes alot more than size to make lovemaking good. Any sincere guy beyond his early twenties should be aware of that, there's no excuse. But, ya know, to do something like that behind your back is indicative of the practice of doing other things without your knowledge or approval...eh??

October 18, 2001
5:27 pm
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Ladeska
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SO....One time, at band camp - I got this extension and then I played with some new toys and then I looked at myself in the mirror and then I read some dirty magazines and then I played with the little blow doll and then I looked at myself in the mirror again, watched some porn and then I asked my partner if she was satisfied yet while admiring myself in the mirror again? Couldn't for the life of me remember her name though....Buffy kept coming to mind, but no....that's not her...someone else....

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