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Very Talkative Son - How to Break A Habit?
March 2, 2006
10:17 am
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Amigina
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Yesterday, when I went to my son's class and pick him up, his teacher wants to talk to me after all kids leave the classroom.

She was telling me that she's having a difficulty with my 8 years old son's behaviors: interrupting her while she gives lecture, talking with other children during their school work assignment, playing, not finish his assignment on time.

She said if he keeps on doing it, he will not go forward to next grade level this Fall. I asked her how's his academically level - she said he's fine with it, but not the behaviors. I asked her if she ever put a student in the corner for time-out - she said they don't allow it in school anymore, per policy.

I feel so hopeless because I keep telling my son to be quiet when teacher talk and finish his schoolwork. His reply, yes mom, yes mom, etc. and yet, he still forget and keep repeating his behavior pattern.

I'm in a basketcase right now because I don't want my son to be held back in grade again. He was held back when he was in kindergarten due to not academically ready.

My son is in little league baseball and I told him if he's not doing good at school - mean NO more baseball - he didn't like that, so hopefully it might work.

I need to ask you why my son is behaving that way? My son is very active, likable with children, friendly, and talkative. He nevers has any friends coming over to our house because of where we live. His Dad is deaf and the sound in the house is mostly quietly since his Dad doesn't talk. So I don't know if that's the reason why my son is so talkative. To me, it's normal, but in classroom, it's disruptive. Help!

March 2, 2006
10:31 am
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I would a complete medical work-up done on your son. Sometimes there are mental/physiological or neurological reasons that children are hyperactive, have difficulty paying attention and cannot focus when there are too many external distractions.

You should rule out any medical issues before you punish your son for something that he may have no control over...

TC

March 2, 2006
11:13 am
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Amigina
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We took him to both doctor and psychologist - they both rule out mental/physiological/neurological reasons.

March 2, 2006
11:16 am
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revelation
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Hi Amigina,

What happens when he does homework? Do you help him? Does he have trouble concentrating during homework time?

March 2, 2006
11:56 am
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I feel that the school should be a little bit more compassionate and proactive about your son's difficulties. Instead of threatening to hold him back a grade... they should be concerned as to WHY he is behaving this way and WHAT can be done to fix the problem.

Can you suggest having him evaluated by the School's psychologist? They have a lot of experience in this sort of thing and it is WELL WITHIN your rights as a parent to request an evaluation.

I am a parent of a child with special needs and BELIEVE ME, I have had to fight, tooth and nail to get my son what he needs. They tend to resist because of the financial burden that is placed on them to supply such services to children (Most school budgets are very strained and money is tight), BUT... that is not your problem. You need to fight for your child.

If they deny your request for an evaluation within the School system, I would take him to a different Psychologist for a second opinion.

These types of things are not easily diagnosed... especially when a child is so young.

Good luck.

TC

March 2, 2006
12:22 pm
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Amigina
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When I take him home after school, he immediately work on his homeworks without a problem as long as I sit next to him. If he needs help, I help him.

I asked his teacher if I can talk to his school counselor and she said she's willing to go see her and make an arrangement for me.

I'm hoping today would be a better because I told him that he will not go to his baseball game/practice if he didn't do well in his classroom. I know he LOVES baseball, so hopefully, it might help.

March 2, 2006
12:24 pm
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Amigina
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He never had any trouble doing his homework. It's just a distraction problem in his classroom, like if he hears other kids talking other kids, he would participate. He also told me that most kids in his class come to him and have a chat, causing him to distract his school work.

March 2, 2006
12:26 pm
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tracylyn
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My son had trouble with this too (and people think girls talk too much - lol)

A teacher a few years ago talked to me about his excessive talking and she suggested perhaps a reward at home for each day he makes it thru without the excessive talking.

A quarter a day is what I did. The teacher would write a note on his assingment sheet for the day saying whether he did good or not. We kept a jar on his dresser and each day with a good note he got to add a quarter to the jar.

This worked wonders and my son enjoyed the challenge too.

March 2, 2006
12:27 pm
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Amigina
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Hey Tracyn - good idea! I'm going to try it today. Thanks a bunch!

March 2, 2006
1:55 pm
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luv2luvher
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Amigina,

I am a single father and I had the smae problems as you. My son went from K thru 1st with so many issues. I had to hold him back in 1st grade cause they felt his maturity level wasn't up to par. Well, he is now in 3rd grade and doing better. Everyone wanted me to drug him and classify him with AD/ADHD but I can't and won't label him. Well, throught the last couple of years I have noticed that alot of it seems to stem from a lack of attention. The more I did with him the better his days got, then now I am with the most wonderful women which has a daughter and I have notice a complete change in him. Attitude, Grades, etc. I think it is just finding his place and feeling comfortable. There is always different cases but you are not the only one out there that goes through this. Have patients and just make sure he knows you are there for him and that you love him. He will one day thank you for that.

Much Luv

March 2, 2006
4:50 pm
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gypsygirl
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I'm not exactly pro-meds, but it can't hurt to get your son evaulated. To me he sounds alot like my son, who is ADHD. there are different types of ADD, he could have the inattentive type. It hould bennefit you to reasearch it a little bit. Also getting him diagonsed doesnt mean that you have to put him on meds if you don't want to. Having a "label" isnt all bad. it helps you to help him learn some stratgies to deal with it.

March 2, 2006
8:28 pm
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readyforachange
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There is no reason for the school to hold your son back if he is doing fine in his academic work. To say that he must repeat a grade simply because of his behavior is ridiculous, especially if he is earning average grades and learning the material for his grade placement. If he was already held back in Kindergarten, that is a huge reason not to do this again. It would make him two years older than his classmates, and that is never a good idea. He would probably talk even more, because he would be bored that he was having to repeat the same material that he had learned the previous year.

I think the school should be offering some type of behavior system to reward your son for not talking, and communicating with you on a daily basis to let you know how he is doing. Have they tried charts, contracts, reward systems, or anything to help him with this behavior? It doesn't sound like anything has been done, and suddently they want to fail him. In my state, a school cannot hold a child back if the parents refuse to allow it. You would be well within your rights to refuse.

March 2, 2006
10:57 pm
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Amigina
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Hey, you all, here's the result today of my son's behavior:

His teacher told me he's doing much better by not interrupting her while she gives a lecture and first time ever, he finished his school assignment in one day and his teacher allowed him to take one present from her treasure chest.

I never seen him play with his present all night long and he seems so happy. You are right - I need to sit down and talk to him often about his behavior and how I am going to rewards him on daily basis.

We had fun doing homework together and I rewarded him by playing baseball with him (yep, a mom with a cap and a mitten!), so we had a wonderful time tonight.

I'm crossing my fingers and see how well he's doing the whole week next week. I realized now that he need more attention at home and I'm giving him more now.

I want to thank you for your advices - you are so kind!

(smiling)

March 2, 2006
11:03 pm
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readyforachange
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Good news! Sometimes there is such a simple solution to a problem, and it doesn't take fancy doctors or specialists to figure it out. Kids might just be seeking attention, and we need to find out what we can do to fill that need.

So glad to hear something positive! Keep us posted!

March 3, 2006
12:17 pm
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Amigina
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You're welcome! He's more into education now because I participated with him. I guess doing his schoolwork alone while I clean house made him feel unimportant, so that's one of the things I changed by sitting with him while hes doing his homework.

I also told him that we're going to a movie if he's good every week. Reward him something different every week. He also know that he won't go to baseball if he's doing it poorly at school.

I told him about my past - I told him that in my high school year, we get involved with varsity sports with good grades. If bad grades, coach will not keep me. My son didn't know that, so I think one of his goal is to be a good baseball player for his school someday. 🙂

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