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verbally and mentally abusive boyfriend
September 19, 2001
2:30 pm
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rle
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I am 23 yrs. old and was just recently dumped by my boyfriend of a 1 1/2 yrs. He was my everything. If he said jump i said how high. He has a severe anger management problem and everything is ALWAYS my fault. If he sleeps wrong in bed its my fault, if he's mad at his dad it's my fault. I should be happy he needs his space and has chosen to end it for a while but not in my case. Instead i don't stop calling him. I can't sleep until i talk to him even if he calls me fat and ugly or tells me he hates me... It is as though i am addicted to the pain. I realize i need to let him go but i am scared of being alone...This is a cycle with me i've had other boyfriends not as abusive as this one but similar i just want to be normal and be able to walk away and not look back and not feel anxious about my decision.. Any advice

September 19, 2001
2:43 pm
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pg lova
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September 24, 2010
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rle,

LEAVE HIM ALONE! You are doing the worst thing you possibly can. What it is,is that the good times you had with him, are triggering those feelings that are still there. But, in this case, you've got to listen to your head, not your heart. One day you'll find true love from a man who will stealyour heart. Until then, just take it easy.

September 19, 2001
5:57 pm
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Molly
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I know that even though he was bad, you are still going through the withdrawls, it hurts to be rejected, even by Saten. Like why do we act that way??? The key right now is to be busy, go to the gym, find some way to donate time for the victims of 9/11/01, take classes, make a garden, make your self physically exhausted, and leave the damn phone alone. Make lists, what your going to do every day, and why he sucked as a boy friend. do some home work on co-dependency, and find a group to a) keep you from the phone, and b) support your growth. Get your hair done, get your nails done, start art projects, but leave him alone, and do your self a favor. We usually continue to attract the same type of male for a while, so back off the dating thing for a while, discover who you are with out any distractions, how ever I must admit there is nothing like the distraction of another, but your most likely too needy right now. So, be busy, and forget him.

September 19, 2001
6:06 pm
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lre
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Thank you pg Iova and molly your advice really helps... codependent is my middle name it feels like... my whole focus is on this guy and his feelings. I pay for everything, I make all the plans when we go out because we wouldn't do anything if i left it up to him,it's kind of ironic that he's the one who breaks it off. I realize i have to let him go it is so hard. It is effecting my work i just sit there and cry...i am going to try and make a list like you said molly of activities and make myself tired... my family believes i could start by cleaning my room... haha! but seriously thank you so much...i tend to always feel alone no matter how many people are around. I'm sick of looking like the stupid girl who stays with the abusive boyfriend... i want to get better so if keeping myself busy will help then that's what i'll do!!

September 19, 2001
6:17 pm
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lre
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sorry guys i changed my initials to lre because i forgot my password not trying to confuse you...

September 19, 2001
8:21 pm
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lover2000
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You're not stupid, you just want to be loved. Trust me I know. I am right now living with this girl I am trying to get rid of. She's driving me nuts! When I let her move in, it was because I was lonely, she had gotten kicked out by her sister, so bam it was perfect (SIKE!) I quickly realized my mistake, and I'm getting ready to put her out. You're not alone my friend you just want love. Everyone does and one day you will find that wonderful person who loves rle/lre 🙂 for herself.

September 19, 2001
9:19 pm
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Molly
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The key both of you, is to be healthy your selves so that you attract, and will only allow other healthy people into your lives. It is a hard lesson to learn, but we survive, your both blessed by not having committed to marriage, or created children, so be smart, be proactive, and clean your room. It is a good thing, psychologically, physically, and emotionally. it will start a positive chain of events. There are lots of people out there to love and be loved by, we just need to learn how to pick the best, and its hard. hell it took me months to learn how to pick a ripe cantalope, so don't feel bad.

September 20, 2001
1:41 pm
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pam g fu
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September 24, 2010
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Ire

Forget him and move on, you don't continue to eat a rotten apple that makes you sick do you? Well, get with it there is a wonderful world out there. Life is what we make of it.

Good luck.

September 20, 2001
2:56 pm
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Ladeska
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