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Verbal diarrhea
April 25, 2005
11:43 am
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sdesigns
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Hi all. I am in the planning stages for a trip to India and Nepal in the fall w/ someone I met on another trip. This person was my roommate and she talked CONSTANTLY. She also had some angry episodes about things that didn't suit her. I had not planned on seeing her after the trip but she was persistent about being friends, so we've done a few things together. She just wears me out though, and I never get to say much, she just expects me to listen to her go on and on and on about whatever.

One time when we were out to lunch I tried to interject something into "the conversation" and she just kept talking and I finally snapped at her and told her how difficult it was to be around her.

Although this trip would be a dream trip and it is to celebrate me turning 50 this year, I am very concerned it could turn into the trip from hell. How do I gently tell her what my concerns are? Having a roommate makes it affordable enough to add on Nepal which I would like too see after going that far. I could travel as a single and only go to India and still pay about $1000. more. Any suggestions?

April 25, 2005
11:49 am
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Anonymous
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I would just try to be honest in a nice way and say that you feel she doesnt really care what you have to say and you enjoy being with her if it wasnt constantly her driving the conversation. Is she overly sensitive.

OR you can go the route and beat her at her own game and just constantly talk as well.

April 25, 2005
11:52 am
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Desert Moon
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sdesigns

First of all sounds like a dream trip!

Wish I was brave like that!! However, I am planning a trip to Vegas for my 46th BD in August (I never bothered to celebrate my BD before, telling myself no big deal, etc. But I am going to DO it this time!!)

Now to the point. Why on earth are you so concerned with hurting this persons feelings? If she encroaches on your boundaries with her incessant talking and anger managemnet issues, you are not going to have a very enjoyable trip. Perhaps memorable, but not enjoyable.

I too have had experiences with people who jump from one conversation to the next, and I would say something, and they would go right on talking as if I had never said anything at all, sometimes what they said would have nothing to do with my input! Drives me nuts. Its like its all about them. So know what that is like. Don't think I could stand a couple weeks of that on an extended trip!!

Tell her how you feel. If she takes offense, so what? Maybe she doesnt even know how she is and will try to curb herself. Or she may get so mad she wont talk to you anymore.

Any chance you could get someone else to go? Seems like you have about six months to do this?

Let us know what happens!

Desert

April 25, 2005
11:53 am
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Hmmm..Tough one. I had a friend like that once, I was like you it is SO irritating! First of all, I think it's wonderful that you are going on this trip, how exciting and I'm happy for you! Ok...I always say put the cards out on the table. Gently is right, but IMHO, you also have to be firm. I would say that you two have a heart to heart, tell her what you want out of this trip, what concerns you have and she does the same. To me, before going this will have to be resolved and the only way to do that is to be totally honest and know exactly what you will and will not tolerate. If you two come to an agreement that suits you both, go for it! I hope that helps SD.

Hugs,

Sunny

April 25, 2005
11:55 am
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Hi Aces: I don't think she is overly sensitive, I think it just goes right over her head. I was thinking of telling her that I need some quiet time occasionally and she if she gets it. She will also tell the same stories over and over, even when you remind her that she's said that before. Its like she has to fill up the airspace. She is intelligent and can be funny, but its exhausting. Plus she tends to complain about everything. I'm trying not to talk myself out of this but I'm starting to dread it. The few times we have spoken on the phone I have actually put the phone on the couch and gone to do a little chore or two, came back and she didn't even know I was gone.

April 25, 2005
11:58 am
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SD: Now that is funny, maybe you can slip her some dramamine or sleeping pill?? Just kidding, well I would just say up front you want to do a lot of thigns and so you understand if she will be busy or want to do her own things. It is a hard situation because you don't want someone pouting and ruining a trip either.

April 25, 2005
12:02 pm
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That is SO funny, SD! I used to do the same thing to my ex! He would drone on about something, it took, litterally, ten or fifteen minutes to get to the point. He has a very slow and deliberate way of talking that drives me crazy. I mean just get to the point already!

I think you are right, though, she probably is not even aware that her talking is excessive.

April 25, 2005
12:02 pm
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Hi Desert Moon; My bday is in August too- the 11th. Unfortunately I don't know many people who like to travel, or have the funds to do it. If I can get a word in edgewise, I'll try to talk to her. She's already having a fit about the flights, so I told her that I could always just meet her there and we could take dif flights- I'm thinking thats 20 hours of not having to listen to her!

Hi Sunny: Yeah I know I have to bring this up and I know she's not going to like it. But she threw some fits on the other trip and other people were avoiding her. She was even the one "voted off the island" although she didn't know it. I would hate to have to tell her things like that- and I wouldn't unless she pushes me.

April 25, 2005
12:05 pm
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Aces: Drugs are a great idea!! I will drug her- I love it. SD

April 25, 2005
12:09 pm
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LOL! Drug her and talk nonstop! Don't forget earplugs!!! How about a cattle prod to zap with? (grin)

April 25, 2005
2:01 pm
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You're doing her a favor by being honest. No doubt she drives other people away. She sounds like a complusive talker. I don't know how much she can change on her own. Just tell her you have a need to talk too and sometimes need some silence. If she gets hurt and doesn't try to accomidate you tell her are not comfortable travelling with her. Try to keep your feedback focused on your needs not on what she is doing wrong. She'll be more likely to hear you that way.

April 25, 2005
2:04 pm
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So I just got an e-mail from my friend. I am going to go to Hawaii for my bday and she sort of invited herself along. That was fine. But now she wants to go in July instead and would I change the date. I said no, my bday is when my bday is and that doesn't change. She doesn't even remember that this is especially important to me because my ex's bday is the same day and I do not want to be here. I refuse to let his influence bother me on my bday and I don't want to hear him partying it up w/ whoever he happens to get to share it w/ him. Aargh! I'm turning gray.

April 25, 2005
2:07 pm
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Great advice, kathguy. I really want to take this trip and it could be fun. Thanks.

April 25, 2005
9:06 pm
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SD -

Sounds like a wonderful trip! If I could, I would go with ya, I LOVE to travel! and I'd even promise to make it peaceful for ya!! ... 😉

I am actually looking for the same advise about someone that I have started distancing myself from. She does this EXACT same thing. I was just asking a friend of mine on advise about how to handle it, and she said "I haven't a clue because I can't stand being around her either". What is sad is, noone can anymore. She never shuts up. And what is worse to me is, she never listens. And if you try to give yourself some space, or ask her for it in a nice way, she gets in your face. No matter how the conversation starts, a minute later, and for the next hour, it is all about her. I have started to just cut her off like you did, or drifting off and thinking about other things, or finding a way to cut the conversation short. Then when I don't talk to her for a day or 2 (that's day, not week guys), she sends a million emails and calls asking if I am mad. She is driving me absolutely NUTS!

I have tried to talk to her about this, to no avail. Her excuse was that it is because her mom and her call eachother long distance and always have to get things out quick so as to not run up the phone bill. So I thought I'd add a little humor a couple of times by reminding her when this has happened that we are on a local call! A minute later, she is rambling on. And she also does what your friend does, seems to try to CONTROL things. I plan a party, and she asks me about it a hundred times (did you do this, how many people do you have coming now, did so and so respond, oh, you should do it this way). She plans something, and you get to hear every detail about it for months in advance.

And just like your friend, she is very critical of everyone around her ... almost paranoid. Mine walk starts out with a smile, and then her horns come out at people. She has this nasty bite that comes out of nowhere. It's kind of scarey. Her subtle nastiness with me has gotten worse over the last few months. People have told me that she is very insecure (I agree) and also jealous of me. I am at a loss, though, at how to handle it anymore since talking to her does not sem to work (it actually seems to make her more insecure and snipity at me).

She has stated once that she thought she might be bi-polar, and I have heard rambling talk is part of this disease. (I know someone else that is and she does this too ... ramble, ramble, ramble). So that's a thought. But HOW IN THE WORLD YOU STOP IT SO IT'S NOT ANNOYING is beyond me.

I am really hoping to get some answers from your thread too!!!

Good luck, SD! Wherever you go, and whoever you go with, I hope you have a WONDERFUL time!!!! Maybe try looking into the Park District or on Club boards and go with a group instead. Just another thought to hopefully give you peace. I feel bad saying this, but I personally could never stay on a trip that long with someone that is like this. It would EXHAUST me!

April 25, 2005
9:39 pm
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Hi Angel: You described my friend perfectly. She doesn't even remember things I made very specific to her as she blah, blah, blahs on and I guess doesn't pay attention to what I say- just waits til she can change the subject to her again. That is exactly what one woman said on the last trip- that J exhausts her and she can't be around her. She would exhaust me too, and I would just go to sleep at night while she was still talking. Even if you say "yeah, you've told me that before" she continues telling the same story down to the last detail.

I'm gettin ideas though.

Hey come along. Its going to be a grand time! Get to ride elephants and camels, look for tigers, eat some spicy food, see palaces, great shopping!

April 25, 2005
9:46 pm
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Desert Moon
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My (ex)father in law is bi-polar so it's interesting you mentioned that Angel, because he always rambled like that in his manic state; it was always about how he managed to bend rules, how he got away with stuff, how he beat the IRS, etc. Always about him. He rambled on so fast all I could do was sit there and nod and pretend I understood when most of the time I could not keep track of anything he was saying! And he was always telling the same stories over and over. So maybe there is something to that.

April 26, 2005
1:01 am
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SD,

What's the whole trip cost? I just might be interested...And I promise to be kewl, I'm even a "polite smoker"...I won't babble, matter of fact I could use the time to relaxxxxxx...Let me know!

Sunny

April 26, 2005
10:41 am
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Hey Sunny: Wouldn't that be fun? We could get a Codep tour together. I am a polite smoker too. When I have a roommate I either go out on the balcony (if there is one) or go down to the lobby. We are upgrading all of the hotels to stay in really nice places (still pretty reasonable), even get to stay at the Lake Palace Hotel- supposedly one of the most beautiful palaces in the world. In Nepal we are going to say in a tented camp in the National Park- will be right there amongst the animals. I am really looking forward to the games drives. I am so excited for the chance to see Tigers! Still waiting for the travel agent to come in w/ final #'s.

April 26, 2005
11:17 am
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I better start saving, lol! What about this Hawaii thing? Are you going to both places or am I confused as usual? I must admit, I'm ready for a vacation...The sooner the better..Pampering, yeah that sounds pretty good right about now.

April 26, 2005
11:29 am
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Yep, going both places. My bday (the big 50!) is in Aug so that's when I'm going to the Big Island in Hawaii and then to India /Nepal in Nov (after the monsoons are over). I knew I wanted to take a big trip this year to celebrate 50 long years on this planet plus I started treating myself to bday trips a few years ago. I've got no one else to treat me, so gotta do it myself, you know? Hawaii will be for R and R- lots of snorkeling, some site seeing, and lots of laying around in the sun. Maybe a pina colada or two. Get your bikini out! Here we come!

April 26, 2005
12:04 pm
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Oh WOW! OK..I might can swing Hawaii, the other I can't afford. I think treating yourself is great!! My bikini is always "on standby" and I'm ready! Keep in touch...

May 6, 2005
11:20 pm
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After WEEKS of trying to get this trip together w/ "chatty Cathy" I have finally had it. She wouldn't answer direct questions re: itinerary/ cost alternatives, wouldn't pay attention to info given, etc and finally drove me to the point where I told her I am going alone. I thought things were settled and then we kept backtracking to review something thats already been discussed. When I talked to the travel agent today, she said that she had spoken to Chatty for 45 minutes yesterday and didn't resolve anything. Actually now the travel agent wants to go. I like her- this could work. Anyhow, I feel better that I am not going w/ this person. It was causing me a great deal of anxiety.

Re: Hawaii- and this was another clincher- she said she didn't know I liked to snorkel. Huh? When we were in Egypt I went several times plus told her that I wanted to take my snorkel gear as I did last time I went to Hawaii, since there are so many places where you can go snorkeling. She never heard a word I said. AArrgghh!!

I sort of feel sorry for her though. She has no clue she is so irritating. Oh well. Her problem now, not mine.

May 6, 2005
11:33 pm
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SD,

Lord!!! I have to kind of snicker, not with this situation, but because a VERY good friend of mine and myself always have a "certain " Chatty Cathy" we talk about..Ahem... When you said that I had to chuckle...
Indeed, it is her problem and her loss. I'm sorry this has happened, but I really think that you will have a wonderful trip!! Both of them, hopefully. Get that Bikini out! Mine's ready!!!

Hugs,

Sunny

May 7, 2005
12:01 am
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Yeah I am laughing now too. What in the world was I thinking? I was setting myself up for torture. I think bamboo under the fingernails would be more pleasant. The poor woman is a disaster! The travel agent started out trying to be polite and then she sort of let loose. I apologized for having put her thru that experience.

Chatty was bringing up some wild stuff that we had never talked about. Like going to the Yik and Yak hotel in Kathmandu- What? WTF is that and why would I want to go there? Where did that come from? Geez louise. And I thought we were ready to sign on the dotted line.

Dodged a huge gigantic bullet there.

May 7, 2005
12:06 am
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ROFL!!! You bet!!! Did she happen to mention any verbal babble about the Sans Souchi? I hear it's a nice place....

Good Lord!!!

Sunny

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