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using this board for debate
August 17, 2007
3:24 pm
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marypoppins
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Hi All,

When I read a thread on this board, and I see how people acknowledge one another's replies, look for common ground and come together, and support one another with open minds and hearts, I feel SO encouraged and grateful.

However, when I post a thread or read a thread someone else has posted in which someone tries to BELITTLE or DISCOUNT a reply to someone else, I'm infuriated. As someone asking for help and support, I'm quite annoyed by someone using my thread in this way. I think that each person who takes the time to post a reply does so because he/she would like to help and offers what he/she has to offer. It is up to the person asking for help to decide if that information is useful in some way or not. IT IS NOT, I believe, up to another poster to punch holes in it. If that person would like to debate a certain issue, he/she should start another thread.

my two cents...

August 17, 2007
4:45 pm
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CAMER
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good point...and I am just bumping this up for others....(((camer)))

August 17, 2007
5:17 pm
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taj64
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HI. I have seen your post. I used to post here a lot more. But I don't much. It is that very reason I do not post as much. I got picked and torn apart so many times for just having a different view or the way I was posting. I got sick and tired of it. Now i stick to a few threads I know that are reliable and have been around for a long time and also to post to a few that I have been posting for awhile. I used to enjoy posting to people that have been around and new and it felt good to me to help and to help myself. In the end the pettiness of it all got to me so I stopped posting as mcuh. Just because you have a different view doesn't mean that it cannot be understood. I am sorry to myself that I got involved in quite a few debates that really I should have walked away from. But you can always learn from every situation in life. And you can let it. And Id rather let it go sooner than to drag it out. I don't know which thread this is, but I can surely relate to what you are talking about as it has happened to me one too many times here. All you can do is take what is important to you, even if you don't feel it is right or wrong, just to try to understand and learn something. Like I said I stick to the few now and don't let those that used to annoy me and pick me apart. I just don't allow it anymore. For what it is worth I enjoy your posts from what I have read from you awhile back ago when I was a frequent reader.

August 17, 2007
5:40 pm
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lovinglife
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thought I popped onto AAC today and see whats happening around these parts...

I've been posting on AAC for a little over a year (June 2006)...though haven't been posting as much during these last few months...used to be a regular daily AAC character ; )

Just want to say the first post on this thread sounds very familiar to MANY similar posts I've read during this last year...In fact I myself have been, a time or two, involved in a dispute, a disagreement, OK a fight : ) with other AAC posters because I felt attacked.

HOWEVER....now after the fact....

Something I've learned through my experience regarding that is its not someone's intention to attack other, belittle, or discount someone else. Basically in some of these discussions we are trying to prove our point. And yes, some posters can seem to come across a little stronger than others (I myself when the topic has hit home HARD have also done that to others posters) but I don't believe its done out of ill intent to offend someone. We are learning, we are are sharing, and the best thing we can do is use EVERYTHING we came across on here as an opportuntity for our growth. (why I landed on AAC).

Really wished I had more time to write...

Just wanted to say that I believe certain things that go on around here will not change- we are people with differing opinions, different life experiences, different spots in our journey toward healthy mental health...When we feel attacked, belittled or whatever on here, we can use that to increase our communications skills, we can learn to take a stand for ourselves and a whole lot of other things too.

LL : )

PS I heard ya MP- great thread to start!!

August 17, 2007
5:52 pm
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Honolulugal
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Hiya LL! Been thinkin' about ya!

H-gal

August 17, 2007
6:58 pm
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marypoppins
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Camer - Thank you for your reply and for bumping this up.

Taj64 - I'm sorry to hear that you are reluctant to post as often due to not feeling safe, but I'm happy to hear that you have found threads and people to trust. That's what we must do in life, right? Avoid the toxic, search out the healthy? "I just don't allow it." - very strong. I appreciate you and your kind and wise words.

Lovinglife - Thank you for your reply. "We are learning, we are are sharing, and the best thing we can do is use EVERYTHING we came across on here as an opportuntity for our growth." That is so true and such good advice. I don't mind debate at all. Fighting? I grew up with it and have a natural tendency to do it. I realize it's part of life, but I also think when we go too far, in our passion to prove our point, we can apologize and accept responsibility for those we may have hurt.

Personally, I can take it. I'm strong enough. But someone who may be very new to recovery, very young, or otherwise very vulnerable, may not have the ability to see a "board bully" for who she/he is.

"Just wanted to say that I believe certain things that go on around here will not change- we are people with differing opinions, different life experiences, different spots in our journey toward healthy mental health...When we feel attacked, belittled or whatever on here, we can use that to increase our communications skills, we can learn to take a stand for ourselves and a whole lot of other things too." I like this, too. Thank you for taking the time to share your what you've learned in your year on this board.

Thanks again to all of you.

Mary

August 17, 2007
7:03 pm
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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DEar MP, I do understand your thread here......Please correct me if I am wrong.......When someone post a thread , people try to respond to the person posting that thread.......Instead they put down other responses ? I am glad you brought this up......I have see this and it makes me not want to even bring up my own thread ...even when I need to........Thank You, Mary Poppins for bringing up this issue. horsefly

August 17, 2007
9:46 pm
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marypoppins
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horsefly -
I want to encourage you to post whenever you need and/or want to. In my opinion, most of the people posting here are trying to get better, and the advice they give is sincere. I have seen situations in which conflicts between posters are resolved. If someone seems to want an argument just for the sake of an argument, we have the choice to participate or not. As suggested on this thread, we can find "safe" threads and people on this board, and we can also learn to stand up for ourselves if we choose to address someone or something. Take care!

Mary

August 17, 2007
10:20 pm
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Worried_Dad
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Debate is an ancient an honorable human activity. It does come with some principles and rules, though.

And the Support section isn't the best place to have debates. Debates can be more free-wheeling, less disruptive and more fun over on the Liberation Brew side of the board.

August 17, 2007
11:29 pm
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marypoppins
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Worried_Dad -
Oh, so that's the kind of thing that happens over there.

I've never been to the "other side".

I agree that debate can be honorable. Debate is important. Free expression is necessary. I'm all for it. It's the rancor I can do without.

All the best!
Mary

August 21, 2007
10:52 am
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nancee
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It is difficult enough for me to put myself out there and ask for support. When it comes to being around strangers (although a few of you I now consider friends), I am naturally timid, shy and extremely sensitive. That is just who I am. I appreciate support and encouragement, but sometimes receive input that is tough for me to take and it makes me want to crawl back into my shell. I feel like if I go on someone else's thread, I have to be ready to take what I get. But when I work up the nerve to make my own thread, it really hurts when someone comes along and makes me feel like a big baby for being who I am. Enough of this and I go away and don't come back for a long time.

I appreciate you, Mary, for your kindness and support. You are one of the reasons I have stayed around for so long this time. Thanks for starting this thread.

August 26, 2007
1:13 am
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horsefly
this is off....be on this forum for years....not just since last year..we can email each other Now? that Nappy is long gone....
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Just bumping this up

August 27, 2007
9:26 am
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It No Longer Matters
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Nancee
I completely understand. We all respond better to encouragement. Thank you for sharing. I hope I haven't been unkind.

Bitsy

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