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USE YOUR PARTNER AS A MIRROR
September 3, 2005
7:11 pm
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enoch
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this is a new way of thinking for me, but it is really very effective. when your partner does something that hurts you, instead of getting mad at him/her, look to see when/where/how YOU have done something like that... yeah there can be extreams, but for example, my, X? fiance, has a problem with the truth that drives me nuts. Its not that she outright lies, although that does happen, but more often than not she likes to tell half truths or just enough truth to be able to say that she said abcd.
This shrink gave me SACRED MARRIAGE to read. good book. And I started to look at the events that ticked me off and thought about them... a day or two later, I caught my self doing the very same thing, little white lies to disguise what I really was up to...
Then it happened again, and again... so now I am starting to become more aware of the words I use and how to be more direct...
An Interesting Idea... USE YOUR PARTNER AS A MIRROR, and you will learn a lot about yourself. Grow

September 3, 2005
8:31 pm
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Rasputin
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I agree with you Enoch. I think this is what I call sympathy and empathy. Thank God for pain and suffering, they help us to empathize and identify with what people underwent thru and help us to aid them without passing judgement or act in self-righteous manner.

I recall before I become spiritual, my life was bland, empty and poor simply cause I had no tests or challenges. The moment I became spiritual, stress started in my life. I started to have tests, trials, problems, challenges...etc.

Thanks to these pains and tribulations I went thru, they enabled me to empathize with people. I started to feel with people, identify with their pain and sufferings.

~Love, RAS~

September 3, 2005
8:52 pm
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Enoch,

That is an excellent point!!! I am 39 years old and I have just begun to do the self-analysis that has helped me to become able to look at myself through others' eyes. I guess that's the same thing as looking at your partner as a mirror.

I tend to look at EVERYONE as a mirror now! I was soooo judgemental and self-righteous in my 20's and early 30's!! Who did I think I was? Did I think I was free from sin or flaws?? I didn't think so at the time, I just thought I was RIGHT all the time!!!!! Now, as I've matured, I've realized how very un-important it is to be "right" and how MORE important it is to be fair, kind and compassionate. I've made mistakes in my life (many more than I'd care to mention) and if I was judged on each of them... I would DEFINITELY not be someone that I would respect, like or want to be associated with. BUT, there are extenuating circumstances which lead people to behave in ways that are out of character and we SHOULD cut them some slack as they are growing just like we are!!!! I have learned from my mistakes, grown from them and vowed never to make the same ones again.

Thanks so much for bringing up this point Enoch!!! It's all about tolerance!

TC

September 3, 2005
10:44 pm
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scared2bme
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I too need some "reflections" from the mirror. I am hurting a lot at this moment, feeling oh so responsible for everything. But, I know the last year that I helped my boyfriend out of his heroin addiction was surely not being responsible for myself. Now, how to become Un-codependant... Any clues.?

September 3, 2005
11:44 pm
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DandyLion
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Hang in there I don't know how you become Un codependant but I am struggling with being a co-dependant too. I just try to take things as they come and do not let myself feel bad for getting my needs met too. It is really difficult though when another person is not used to you standing up for yourself or putting yourself first. Do what YOU need to do. I hope my rambling helps! Hang in there!
DandyLion

September 4, 2005
12:15 am
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Neshema
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Ya know, T66-

You are rather smart & clever...

September 4, 2005
12:12 pm
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Rasputin
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TC,

Good for you! Way to go!!!

Scared & Dandy,

Puchase the book "Codependent no more" by: Melody Beattie which I am half way through right now. It is very illuminating and liberating book. We are all codeps coz we live in imperfect world. Harm & abuse had been done to us. Yet, we can do something about it. Help and hope are there.

Good luck in your journey!

~Love, RAS~

September 4, 2005
6:56 pm
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DandyLion
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Thanks Ras!

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