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Urgent: Need Help With Therapist Dilemma
September 26, 2012
5:34 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 26, 2012
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I really appreciate any advice that you can give me! Here's the situation: 


I started seeing a therapist more than one year ago. I originally went to him to deal with a few issues, and one of those issues was the loss of a child (a particularly traumatic miscarriage). Yesterday, we were talking about my need to feed and take care of people when he said "have you ever thought about having a child?" My world shook for a minute. He clearly forgot about this traumatic event. I could tell he felt bad about it, but I still feel wounded. I'm not sure how to handle this. 


Should I forgive him? Change therapists? Am I overreacting? What would you do? I feel like this is a major mistake on his part. Thanks so much for your help!!

September 26, 2012
11:19 am
Forum Posts: 65
Member Since:
December 20, 2011
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I’ll start by saying that you are not over reacting and
you have valid reasons for feeling the way you do. I am thinking that when you
first started seeing your therapist the discussions were centered on the loss of your
child. As the year went on you may have moved away from that and on to other
things. At your last session he probably refreshed his memory by reading his
most recent notes from the last session so that he could continue going down
that road. Now… after saying that, if it was me, and I am not a therapist, I
don’t believe I would have forgotten the loss of your child. The fact that he
forgot this leads you to question his abilities. If it was me I would call him
out on it. Saying: The last time I was here you said something that upset me.
You mentioned "have you ever thought about having a child?" When you
said that it made me feel …. and state your feelings. To me it would make me
wonder just how much is he in tune with your
situation. You probably lost a little trust in his abilities. Let him explain
his actions to you. For a few moments you will become the therapist. The other
option is if you decide that it is a non recoverable situation it would make
total sense to find another therapist.  So…
you can give him the opportunity to explain himself or find another therapist. Hope
this helps. May I say from your short post you seem to be someone with great empathy
and insight.


Take care

September 26, 2012
11:42 am
New Member
Forum Posts: 1
Member Since:
September 26, 2012
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Thanks so much for this sound advice (and for the nice compliment!). I think I will sit down with him and see what he has to say. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt here. 


Again, thanks so much! 

September 26, 2012
4:04 pm
Forum Posts: 1134
Member Since:
January 18, 2012
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All I can say to your therapist dilemma is that few people in this world therapist or not, those being paid or not, dear friends or not, family or not are not actually listening.

Please do not misunderstand my post to mean that what you have to say is not important, just that in general few people in this world care enough to remember important details of another person's life.


To all those people in the world that actually take the time to listen carefully to another human and remember in detail their unique life stories, I sincerely appreciate you.  I am happy to say that I am one of those people.


One Day

September 26, 2012
6:48 pm
Forum Posts: 572
Member Since:
February 9, 2011
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Well it's up to you if you want to change your therapist but I think what he meant by asking you is that he maybe thinking if you're ready to have another child. It's normal for you to feel that way cause he might have stated that without any sensitivity and consideration but the decision is still up to you if you want to forgive him or not. Try to observe your therapist to see what are his intentions upon suggesting that. If you really feel uncomfortable then it might be best to consult another therapist. Hope that helps.

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