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Update: He wrote me back (Plz)
May 24, 2006
1:43 pm
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Anonymous
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I still have not responded to the last email I got from him explaining that he needed "time" to begin paying me back and he had not forgotten our agreement. I just decided that (for me), I would let it ride a while, then contact him again in the future for an update on his situation. Also, I was having a really hard time "letting go", and I just needed a break from thinking about everything. And it worked, as I am feeling sooooooooooooo much better without him hanging over my head and in every thought.

Fast forward to yesterday (his birthday). I played golf with a friend to stay busy and not think about contacting him. I didn't want to open that door and make him think I was softening up. I prayed for him when I awoke, then let him go and went on about my day. It was terrific!

Today, an email from him..."Right after I last talked to you I finally moved into a place of my own. After all the deposits were said and done, I was there a whole month before BellSouth laid me off. I was offerend a job in Jacksonville, Florida and I took it. I left everything behind. My condo is still fully furnished all my furniture. Never a dull moment."

Ok, guys, what the hell??? Is he just trying to suck me back into conversation with him...make me feel sorry for him again? What am I supposed to say? I'm trying VERY hard to move on, yet he keeps popping back up. I find it interesting that as soon as I change my email password so he no longer has access to what I'm doing, and I update my profile on Match.com and he's been there poking around (i could tell he viewed me recently), that he decides to tell me what's going on. Or maybe, just maybe, he feels guilty about NOT being able to pay me anything, and he felt the need to explain further (since I didn't respond to his previous explanation).

I dunno, I guess it doesn't really matter WHY, right? The fact is he did, and what am I gonna do about it? My coda stuff is kicking in, and I feel "bad" to continue to ignore him. But the sound of his last words to me, "Sianara Asshole", keep resonating in my ears, and make me want to remain silent. I'm done with him...I'm moving on...and I need time to get a head start without him trying to pull me back into the game!

Help!

Plz~

May 24, 2006
1:48 pm
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sdesigns
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Plz: I would ignore him. He's trying to pull a "Poor Me" on you, and he is not your problem anymore. Its not your job to help him. You laready have. He wants you to feel sorry for him so you won't pressure him to pay you back. Remember- he's driving around in the car you paid for while he's having all these other problems. Too d*** bad. He seems to make messes for himself wherever he goes. Hang tough there, girlfriend. Don't cave in.

Love ya, SD

May 24, 2006
2:07 pm
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sdesigns
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Oops,- *already*

May 24, 2006
2:26 pm
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toward_freedom
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Hi Plz,

I agree with sdesigns. I got pulled into a destructive ongoing relationship with someone (not an ex-lover, but a former band-mate) who owed me a lot of money. He used the debt as leverage to get me to continue to interact with him. One day I realized that I had already lost the money, and putting time into listening to his BS was only costing me more. I don't pretend to know your financial situation, but it might be healthy to just give up on getting paid back and wash your hands of this jerk. I've done a lot of good things with the time I used to spend trying to get my money back.

Good luck. This stuff is awfully hard!!

Love, t_f

May 24, 2006
2:26 pm
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Anonymous
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Thank you, Sd! You always come thru for me with the most sound advice! I thought the same thing about his email. That "poor me" thing has always worked for him before, and I agree that he is doing it again.

So, I'm gonna shake off the "need" to reply and keep on going! I feel stronger today than I've felt in a very long time. I am beginning to realize how much of a negative influence he had over my life and my emotions. So, I'm TAKING THEM BACK, and knowing that **I** did the right things for the right reasons. Can he say the same??? Nada!!! And he has to live with that.

Love, Plz~

May 24, 2006
2:30 pm
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TF, you are so right on! Thanks for confirming my feelings on this situation. And thank you for sharing your own experience. You are very wise!!!

May 24, 2006
2:34 pm
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2bstrong
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Hey plz...I want to tell you how much I admire your conviction not to contact him--especially yesterday, his birthday. I think it is very noble and kind of you to have offered prayers for him...that to me is the ultimate in letting go. Letting him go. And, you had a good day, to boot.

Resist his attempts to engage you and control you, plz. Look at the big picture here--you care enough about YOURSELF not to contact him.

Sending hugs and strength your way.--2b

May 24, 2006
2:47 pm
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sdesigns
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Plz: It seems his paying you back is not a priority to him. He's got sooooo many other problems I don't think he's taking it seriously. He should take a moment to think that if he didn't have a car, he would have worse problems. He is taking advantage of you- still. I hope you get good and mad about it. I am. SD

May 24, 2006
3:25 pm
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smarterone
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Ignore him, why destroy what you have built in a short time....confidence. Leave wellenough alone. Good luck

May 24, 2006
4:56 pm
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2B - Thanks for the compliment. It's amazing when we finally "get it", that life gets back into balance and it's easier to see things the way they really are and not just how we want them to be. I am STILL trying to do the right thing. I have detached from him in love, and I really can walk away knowing I did the best I could. I wasn't ready to do that for a long while (because of the withdrawals of not being with him), but I have turned the corner, and I ain't going back! There's freedom where I'm headed! I know you are struggling with letting go yourself. When you are ready, and truly fed up with being sick and tired, you will open the prison doors as well, and fly away. You see, what I am discovering, is that **I** had the keys to the prison door all along, and it opens from the inside! I wouldn't have believed this about myself even as soon as last week. I just wasn't there. But something has changed within me, and I believe prayer got me there! Praying for you, sweet, 2B. You deserve the best!

SD - I can tell you want to kick his ass! lol That's why I love you soooooooooooooooooooooo!!! You could be my partner in crime. It probably wouldn't do for us to ever meet live and in person! The world just isn't ready for that!!! lol

Smarterone, thanks for your vote of confidence! I am taking your advice and that of the other wise souls on this board and gonna let it riiiiiiiide!!!

Love and hugs, Plz~

May 24, 2006
5:55 pm
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Shaney
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So he had to leave behind a fully funrished apartment? How much do you think we could get for all the stuff he left behind? His butt would still be stuck in that apartment if it wasn't for the luxury of being able to jump in his car (that you bought him), and flee to Florida. You are truly a bigger person that I am, plz, because I can't let this go. Maybe you do need some time to just shake some of these feelings that go along with dealing with him - but MY GOSH - please tell me that you are going to rev back up here in a couple of weeks, and track him down in the most ruthless way! HAHAHAHAHAHaaaa! I may just do it myself :o).

May 24, 2006
5:59 pm
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sdesigns
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Ok Plz: Shaney and Lolli and me and you- were going after him. I'll bet Shaney knows how to hot wire a car- she has quite a repetoire of talents. Look out, dude. Here we come. ((((Plz)))) SD

May 24, 2006
6:22 pm
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LOL! You guyzzzzzzzzz are too much!!! And don't worry Shaney, I'm sure I'll cycle back around and want to kick his ass again soon! So don't put that stun gun away just yet:)

Oh, and the "fully furnished" condo he's talking about...well I'm sure that comment is a little embellished! Because he sold everything before he moved back in with his parents 2 years ago. He does have a few items that were in storage from when his grandmother died last year, but I seriously DOUBT it's more than a bed, couch, and tv. Poor baby! Life just continues to suck for him, and he just can't seem to figure out why!!! Karma, baby, karma!!! lol

Shaney, do you know how to hot wire a car??? We could make a road trip to Florida (hit the beach a few days to tan while we are there), then steal that car **I** bought and drive that sucker home! Wouldn't HE be surprised! We could leave a note that says, "That's what ya get for messing with the AAC!" Let him figure out what that is!!! lol Ohhhhhhhhh, getting carried away in the fantasy! *snicker*

May 24, 2006
6:48 pm
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Shaney
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Alright, here we go.... this is the plz that I was hoping hadn't recoiled just yet! I'm almost acting like this is MY money that's been lost - but it's A LOT, and I just can't give this up without a fight. I swear, if this thread eventually peters out for whatever reason, you'd better bet I'll be starting another one. SD, plz, lolli (and all future gangmembers) - you can count on me coming to this shakedown, prepared - even if that means hot-wiring Plz's car. Don't kid yourself, I've got friends in high AND LOW places, and I'm sure a lesson in hot wiring a car, is something I could learn from at least one of them.

I'll let you enjoy your peace for a little while longer, plz. Yout heart and soul deserve it. But if you feel a big angry dark cloud looming over your head, it's me. ;o]

May 24, 2006
6:52 pm
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craftypics
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Oh but the fantasy is soo funny! You guys are funny. I got carried away with the fantasy and I don't even know you. I liked the tanning on the beach part...i could use the break right now. LOL!
Good luck and i want to give you a hand for being sooo strong. I know its not easy...I have left this situation 3 times and have come back 3 times so I know what you are talking about with things being hard!

May 24, 2006
6:55 pm
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balancesekr
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hi plz,
I just wanted to pop in on the thread. Good for you not contacting him on his birthday, it sounds like you are taking the necessary steps to move on. I know it is so hard to just let things ride and let things go, so good for you being able to do that. It does suck that he contacts you right as you are beginning to make some progress.

Sometimes, when someone owes you money, you just gotta let it go. An ex of mine owed me $1,000 which I put up for him after we were broken up, it was bail money (good thing I broke up with him!). I never got it back.
A friend told me upon hearing the situation, "look at it this way, it cost you $1,000 to get him out of your life".

I am not sure how much is owed here, but it may keep a connection going which maybe you don't want.
Just a thought.
HUGS to you.
b

May 24, 2006
8:04 pm
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Plz -

I am in the same damn spot.

Ex owes me a bunch of money....and I am getting the "I'm working on it, but everything else is going wrong" type of sob story....

and it's yet another reason to keep in contact...something to hold over my head.

Do I really think I will get it back? Doubtful - based on his past history with other people who have lent him money....

right now, my own sanity is more important than the money...and staying away is critical to recovery.

I know shaney wants to take it out of his hide....but sometimes, you just gotta chalk up the loss and call it a day....lesson learned.

May 24, 2006
9:19 pm
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Okay....I'm in.

I haven't stolen a car in a long time (bet ya'll didn't know that about me did ya?....I was young....long story) so I may be a little rusty...but what the hell....I'll give it a try.

Now...Plz is in LA, Shaney is in CA, I"m in RI and SD is in........SD where are ya girl? Anyway....once we know where SD is we'll plan where we're going to meet.

I"m thinking maybe......Okalahoma or something. From there we grab a car and then..... Florida....here we come.

Who was in charge of the monogrammed AAC jackets? Don't forget....nicknames only.

Sychronize your watches ladies.....

May 24, 2006
9:23 pm
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Shaney
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Hi lolli - sd is a so-cal girl like me. Good plan...

May 24, 2006
9:28 pm
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hey, lolli, pick me up on the way....or I'll meet you at the border.

May 24, 2006
9:28 pm
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sdesigns
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I've never been to Oklahoma. Sounds fun. Do you guys think we ought to go the the beach first? So we look good and tan when we steal the car?

May 24, 2006
9:32 pm
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sdesigns
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I have a feeling we would laugh too hard to steal a car.

May 24, 2006
9:32 pm
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Oh most DEFINITELY beach first!!! Was there ever a question??? lol We have to LOOK good stealing that car!

Ali, you are more than welcome to join this crazy bunch! Oh, but we have to hurry and do it before the wedding...aren't you getting married soon Shaney? Wouldn't want your knuckles to be all busted up from pounding pretty boy's face in. You have to look perfect on your wedding day:)

OMG, Lolli, you really HAVE stolen a car before??? You little devil, you!

May 24, 2006
9:33 pm
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Shaney
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Yeah, we can make a real vacation out of it. Because who knows, we may get caught, end up in the clink and not see the light of day for a while. I say we all start endurance training right now, so we can outrun the fuzz if we have to. Hey SD, I'll drive from here.

May 24, 2006
9:35 pm
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I'd probably pee my pants, SD! You know, getting older sucks sometimes! lol

Oh, don't forget 2B...in Missouri!!!

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