Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Update from Hurts_so_bad
July 25, 2007
12:28 am
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

First of all when he called you should have said "who's this?" and when he said his name for example "Joe" I would have said "Joe who?" and hung up the phone.

Secondly, he is nothing more than a self serving opportunist who has no allegiance to you or loyalties to her, his only objective in this whole thing is to watch out for number one.

Fianlly, you are under no obligation to allow him to explaine his current situation or to respond to it.

And if you believe his story about being broke as a result of paying his girlfriends medical bills I'd like to sell you some swamp land in Florida.

If I would have made the mistake of actually talking to the jerk I would have simply told him to hang up the phone and call back when he gets another 100 grand to help me pay my bills.

July 25, 2007
1:18 am
Avatar
sdesigns
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 30
Member Since:
September 27, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Hurts:

I don't know why you would want to torture yourself like that. And hate to say it, but you would be doing it to yourself. Its up to you what happens here, and I wish you would go back and read your own threads to remind yourself what you went thru before with him. He was throwing you crumbs and you kept taking them, for how long? How many months or maybe it was even years? It was a long long time is all I remember.

Now if you really want to go thru something like that again, go ahead but this time it wouls be all your doing and he is not to blame. You are the one who is keeping that door open and you already know what would happen.

Sorry to be harsh but I think you need to get serious here and think about what you're doing. What could you possibly gain by doing that again, unless you enjoy the pain.

SD

July 25, 2007
1:47 am
Avatar
Guest
Guests

Hurts so Bad,

Sweetie, I hope you don't fall for this bait. This guy using his girlfriend's illness to get attention- and I do think that is exactly what he is doing- is an extremely low move. I could see if you had sympathy for her, but you should tell HIM to find his support elsewhere. Doesn't he have any friends or family, or HER friends and family that he could be seeking out at this time? If not, that should tell you something about where he is at right now. Maybe he has not been the loyal devoted man standing by her as he is trying to appear he is. The mere fact he is running to you for support shows he is lacking in sensitivity, if not judgement or both.

Please do not invite this sort of inconsideration back into YOUR life. It is sad for the girlfriend that she is with someone who doesn't consider that it might upset her to have him crawling back to an ex for comfort. Most likely even if she knows and is upset, she is a little too preoccupied or scared of losing him to let on. She is in a vulnerable state, and he is assuming you are too- or he wouldn't dream of contacting you without considering he would be rejected off the bat. He sounds like a major manipulator to me, I hope that doesn't offend you, but I am worried for you. There is a reason why people try to stick to no contact- usually because we are recognizing that with certain relationships we become so weak and as they say- our lives become out of control. So it is understandable if you feel yourself starting to go soft the more you talk to him, it happens to a lot of us.

Sometimes it might seem like things were better when this guy was around, no matter how bad things were- loneliness or sentiment will do that. Our memories dull the edges of some pain (fortunately) but sometimes that prevents us from remembering the whys and the facts of reality. Please don't lose perspective, I'm sure no matter what you might be feeling(and though he might have tapped into your sympathy, what he really is working on is your attachment to him and rekindling it), most likely your life has improved since ending a difficult relationship. The more he talks to you, the more he will get to reestablish that attachment, and believe me- he is conscious of this. I'm not pretending to be a mind reader, but this happens so often to people and it definitely happened to me. There was no sick girlfriend, just everything from pregnant sister, "just wanted to see how you were doing," to "did a check for me come in the mail?" That last one was a real joke. And finally, he came in person and I had him BANNED from my high rise. Take what ever measures you must, but this guy is trying to insert himself back into your life and you need to act in the interest of your own self preservation.

Reading old threads is a great idea! I do it sometimes to get perspective. When I find myself doing insane things like looking at old photos like they were the "good old days" I know I need a reality check. (And this happens more than I want to admit.) Maybe the way this guy is treating his new girlfriend is kind of a warning. I'm sure there are worse betrayals, but that's a pretty bad one. I would be wondering what he did when he was with me, when I was HEALTHY if I were you.

Watch out for this one. I know the temptation if you hear from someone you had a great love for once- but it sounds like he wasn't good to you and his treatment of people hasn't improved.

Please make a decision that will bring you peace of mind.

hugs,
ella

July 25, 2007
9:53 am
Avatar
taj64
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Doesn't look to me like he is being 100 percent on his GF. I mean here she is sick and he is calling you an old girlfriend. THink about it. What if he was with you and you were sick and your guy was talking to an ex girlfriend about your illness. I am sure you'd be very hurt and this is intimacy and deep friendship talking about someone's illness and life woes. He is a snake in the grass, he just has not bitten you yet. Remember snakes are very charming. Guilt is useless emotion and feeling sorry for this dude is natural but let him confide in family person or a friend. You do waht is best for you in the long run. This guy did not want a commitment with you back then, and he is showing he is not 100 percent committed with who he is with now. He can find a friend and based on the fact that he is talking to you instead of his friends leads me to believe that he doesn't have any friends. And do you want a guy who doesn't have any friends? Means he cannot keep those either. He has a pattern here, he is superficial, leaning on someone who will listen but someone he knows he isn't going to stick around with, you are there because you are there. And if you say no, he will look for the next number down. You are one of the sweetest people I have met on this site, you deserve 100 percent all good guy. DOn't settle, don't get sucked into this. You will get the runaround with this stringer. Im sure it is very tempting but he hurt you, that is all he did, and you would not have the nickname hurts so bad for nothing. You earned that title because of him so stay on the path that you have been on, you are doing well and happy again. If you are lonely do something about it but don't let this guy hurt you again, you have the power and the control. Exercise it. Be good to yourself.

July 26, 2007
1:16 am
Avatar
Hurts_so_bad
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thanks everyone for all your valuable input. Each of you made some valid points and I know I need to listen to this advice.

It is hard for me to turn someone that's hurting away when they come to me and ask for support. But, I also recognize that he was very toxic to me in the past and he could very easily become that again.

I'm not really lonely, I am dating someone although there's not much future there. I won't bore you with details, but suffice it to say that he is another one of those guys that seems to have a commitment issue....at least he admits it. He wants to be exclusive, but admits that he's attracted to someone he met while he was visiting his aunt. His aunt lives out of state, but he visits every couple of months due to her old age, etc. and I'm sure to "explore" a relationship with this other woman. But then, again, he told me from day one that he would be retiring out of state somewhere.

I know I need to break it off with this guy, but like usual, I keep falling for unavailable men. Sigh....anyway, not to get sidetracked here - I will have to be a little harsh with the ex b/f and tell him I can't be his friend......

July 26, 2007
1:24 am
Avatar
_anonymous
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 8
Member Since:
September 30, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Please let us know if you use any of the coping skills that the folks here have suggested. And if so what his responce is.

This new one sounds like he is insincere.

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
24
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111165
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
anissafield, Aemorph, CaitlynForlong, AndrinNetzer, MaarcusPedersen, MarcusPedersen
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information