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upandown
November 9, 2009
12:37 am
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upandown
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after 9+yrs i broke-up with my boyfriend through the other women and his drinking earlier on he says that he loves me but he's not in love with me and needs some space to get his life together so i agreed to move out but im lonely and cant bare to be without him i cant eat or sleep. He comes over all the time and we still have sex im crazy of the thought that he wont come back to me what to do?

November 9, 2009
7:51 am
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It No Longer Matters
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September 27, 2010
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After 9 YEARS, he loves you but isn't IN love with you. I think you know. You get your life together. Tell him he cannot come over and end the sex. He will either move on and you can start to heal or he will make a decision. As I posted to darkeys. Which is worse? The certainty of pain or the pain of uncertainty. I had to learn the hard way.

Bitsy

November 9, 2009
1:08 pm
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Lanigirl
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Hey Upandown,

Ouch. Seeing your writing is painful. I've heard those words and I'm living a similar situation. The words and actions don't match.

Bitsy has some good things to say. I wonder, are you open to hearing them?

I'm saying that because I've heard good advice and after 3 years I've only started to get glimpses of my own behavior in it. I have some addictive tendencies because I hear the words, know them to be true, and then head right back into a horrible situation.

What I'm trying to say is, take a small step each day if you find it impossible to break it off immediately. If you fail, try again. Maybe one day, don't take his call or call a friend instead.

November 9, 2009
8:51 pm
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fantas
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You have visited enough time on him. It's time to turn it to yourself. let him go, you deserve better...Keep posting

November 9, 2009
9:43 pm
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upandown
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Thank you so much to those of you that responded to my previous post. Each day i can say does get better in the very first two weeks of this break-up i was a maniac constantly calling but now i have backed off he does more of the calling. I started to see a therapist, so slowly i hope i can get stronger and not get sucked back in i try to tell myself to let go but i love him. Sounds stupid huh?

November 9, 2009
10:03 pm
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Lanigirl
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So glad you're seeing a therapist. After 9 years, it doesn't sound stupid at all.

November 9, 2009
10:41 pm
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atalose
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Doesn’t sound like you really broke up with him the only thing you did was move out so he has more freedom with the other woman and what ever else he wants to do.

Your settling for crumbs of him rather then the whole package. Do you think you are allowing him to use you for sex in hopes he’ll end it with the other woman and come back to you?

I’m not trying to be mean here but it is what it is and the longer you hold on to nothing the longer you’ll continue to get nothing.

Therapy is a wonderful place to begin to understand ourselves and why we do some of the things we do. I hope it helps you find some courage and strength to allow yourself better in life then what this meatball is offering you.

Atalose

~~Hope has a place, but not above reality~~

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