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unlovable
March 24, 2001
5:07 am
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cry baby
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i am a 21 year old female that is always searching for someone to love. i have always been rejected since i was a small child by my mom. she always tried to put me off on someone else. now i am 21 years old and getting treated the same way by every boyfriend i have. my recent biyfriend of 2 years told me have finally wanted this relationship over.....this has been going back and forth the last 10 months. i have known that he has not been in love with me for some time now. but every time he breaks up with me i beg him til he finally gives in. he tells me that he is tired of me crying every day and depressed all the time, he also cant stand the fact that i always want to be with him. i have told him before that i would get some help but i always put it off due to the fact that i cant afford it. but that that i think i have lost him for good i am willing to do it. i shouldnt want the help to try to win him back but i care more about him than i do myself. i feel like if i dont have him in my life i will die of a broken heart. pls help with some advise on finding a cheap couselor.

March 24, 2001
1:15 pm
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Molly
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September 30, 2010
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Hey, what is this unlovable stuff. Of course your loveable, your just so hungry for love right now that it might be sorta scarey for others. Cheap counseling hmmm, look first of all at the library study co-dependency, and look for coda meetings, you might get some good insight there. I had a rough time from a mother that didn't know how to love, and ended up marrying two men who didn't either, but we didn't know about all this stuff then. So stay away from the romance for a while, romance your self, and learn before you get more wounds. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Love to you right now, mean ole Molly

March 26, 2001
1:36 am
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gingerleigh
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Mean ole Molly indeed. 😉 Sounds like good advice. I really really understand how you feel Cry Baby, where you want to spend every moment with that special someone. Let me pose a question... do you know what makes you happy? What are your interests? Is there anything that you do alone or with friends that has nothing to do with the men in your life? When I was your age, I actually started to pose those questions to myself, and begin to answer them, and found that there was nothing there. It took several years and many hearbreaks to learn how to take joy in other activities that were just for me, and not for a relationship.

As for counseling, you say that you are 21. Are you in college by chance? If so, a lot of colleges have programs for students where you can get inexpensive counseling, check with the med department.

But, whether you can get the counseling or not, that's not as big of an issue. This site can actually be very helpful if you pick through and select the advice and experiences that are most applicable to you. Write as much as you can, write and write and write, don't bother to reread right away, go back a little later. See if you can read through your comments and understand where they might be coming from within you. What's driving you? Counseling provides an objective viewpoint to help you understand yourself. You can start that journey yourself as well.

Good luck!

April 2, 2001
12:10 am
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Suemee
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Cry Baby, I've also been there and know how you are feeling. I find reading really therapeutic and really cheap if you are able to go to the local library. The book "Women Who Love Too Much" (I also found a support group of the same name) and some self esteem books really helped me to understand and change a few things about myself. There are a lot of good books out there, but just keep in mind that not all that is written is for everyone, so only take on board what you feel is right for you. I hope this works for you too, if you give it a go. Good Luck.

April 2, 2001
12:19 am
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Anonymous
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September 24, 2010
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God! You know thank GOD I never ended up with the men whom I needed so desperatly to LOVE me, it was about me needing someone, anyone to love me, and men sense that and they back away, cause they see a need to be loved that is so strong, it scares the hell out of them. I was this very person, and I was alone and had no friends, no life and a abusive family to lean on, yea right!

Anyone, you will find someone when you learn to find yourself first. You are young and there is alot of time.
Pursue something you believe in and find your own happiness first and then you will find a man who is good to you.

I learned this the hard way, searching and crying and being rejected by everyone I ever dated, they were basically losers, anyhow.
You must heal first and then you will see just how lucky you are, they dumped you!

When I met my husband I felt like a worthless piece of trash, not good enough and insecure. I was 29 at the time and since then grew to see, that I am lovable and worthy for I am a human being who was created to live a life worthy of happiness, and I pray you too will see this as well.

My best wishes to you:)
Kimberly Ann

If you would like to talk more, or know me better, read my intro at "abusive mom":)

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