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Understanding feelings
September 12, 2011
5:10 pm
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curious64
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sitting here at work waiting on the computer upgrade to be completed.  It is 9:08 est so I thought i would stop in and say hello.

So happy to hear that you are ready to move forward on your own terms and free of past ties that could hold you down.   You have come a long way this past year and I appreciate your sharing your journey here for others to see. 

Sometimes recovery seems out of reach and too hard, but you have stuck with it and you are an inspiration to others that come here and may feel like their situation is hopelee.

Wishing you all the best.

 

((((((TNM))))))  Smile

September 13, 2011
6:55 pm
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TroubledXYZ
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Thanks Curious - I do hope I have helped at least one other person here. One never knows who is out there and only reads these threads.

Ive had a quiet, peaceful day today.

a weight has been lifted.

I am happy.

still taking it one day at a time. its all we can do, ya know?

Tnm

September 14, 2011
6:44 pm
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TroubledXYZ
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feeling sad tonite Cry

September 15, 2011
4:28 am
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TroubledXYZ
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having anxiety today. thoughts are racing......

September 15, 2011
4:44 am
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TroubledXYZ
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just emailed my therapist.......last nights session brought up too many emotions. cant stop crying today.

September 15, 2011
4:45 am
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TroubledXYZ
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if theres any body out there reading this I could really use some support today

September 15, 2011
6:20 am
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curious64
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TNM:   I'm sorry you are having a bad time.  I know that therapy can sometimes stir up some things that make us feel a bit emotional for a few days.  Especially, if the therapist gave us homework that is something uncomfortable for us.   That will cause anxiety.  Just remember that you are in control of how far you are willing to take the homework and how fast you are willing to do it.  

Just an example, I have a problem with physical intimacy  and at my last appt my therapist suggested that I begin some "safe touch" exercises with someone I trust.   She said if I had a male friend who I felt safe with that I could start with just having him place his hand on my shoulder for a few secs.   The thought of this still brings fear to my heart.   Due to some things that happened to me in my past I have a real problem being touched, even by members of my family.   What I had to remind myself was that she gave me this tool to use, but it is up to me when and how I use it. 

If your therapist has suggested something for you to try, just try not to panic over it.   It is in your control to decide when you are ready to use this tool and to what extent you want to use it. 

Take a moment today and try to pinpoint exactly what happened yesterday that is causing you the anxiety and then decide if it is something you have control of. If it is then try to relax by knowing you are the one driving the car and can stop and get out anytime you need to.   If this doesn't work use some of your techniques like naming objects in the room to ground you.  My therapist suggests doing math problem to trigger the analytical part of the brain.

Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a big hug.   ((((((((HUGS)))))))

Just remember this is only a speed bump in the road to your recovery and just drive slow and it will pass quickly.  I know that you have the ability now to weather this storm and on the other side of it you will be even stronger.   Hang in there.  You can make it through this!!  Laugh

 

(((((((TNM)))))))

 

Curious Wink

September 15, 2011
7:03 am
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TroubledXYZ
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Curious, Thanks sooo much for your support. She did give me homework - but I dont think that is what has me upset. I guess I just wasnt expecting so many emotions to come up in one session and they are all still spinning around. I also feel like I opened up a little too much last night and regret saying some of what I did. I talked about my unhealthy attachment to my last therapist and I think that is going to make my current therapist aloof and distant with me in fear I will become too attached to her too. But the relationship is already different and I'm not attached to her and I dont want her to change what shes been doing with me. It scares me that she will.

September 21, 2011
11:33 am
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StronginHim77
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Remember that the core of BPD is fear of abandonment.  Understandably, discussing your status with your former therapist couldl trigger this fear to surge up, bigtime.   Ride it out.  It will pass.   Don't be emotion-driven.  Feelings/emotions for BPD patients are UNRELIABLE.  Focus on reason and facts...NOT FEELINGS. 

-  Ma Strong

September 21, 2011
11:35 am
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StronginHim77
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Also remember that you didn't tell your new therapist anything he/she wouldn't already have perceived and understood.  In short it was NOT surprise to learn of your unhealthy attachment to the former therapist.  That is NORMAL for any BPD patient.

Again, hang in there.  This will pass and your fears will prove unfounded.

-  Ma Strong

September 21, 2011
11:49 am
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TroubledXYZ
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thanks Ma - already worked it out. All is well.

October 14, 2011
12:17 pm
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TroubledXYZ
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Update - In short , this is the happiest ive been in my life Laugh

I have put a lot of effort into my recovery and its paying off. all the anxieties I had - which was just about everything from grocery stores, to ovens, to dishwashers to snow (yes I was scared of the snow)lol just about everything one does in every day life i had anxiety about. I was depressed and quit everything I enjoyed. all i did was work and sleep day after day after day. I just couldnt stop trembling inside. there was a time I was non-verbal. then i would speak just a little then a little more and now i can be a chatty cathy lol Too many issues to get into but things were real bad. I had psychosis and it was the worst I ever been in my life. Ive dont a complete turn around.

Ive now been with my new therapist for 10 months. we have done Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy. within the last 2 months my anxieties have been disappearing and I can function again without everything frightening me. I take clarinet lessons, play in a wind ensemble and a wind symphony and i'm now working towards getting my own students.

I have learned its all in how you react to the situation. Even bad ones.

The only anxiety I have left is the biggest one which is driving anxiety. but now it is mild and i'm ready to conquer that too. 🙂 ive already been on one "challenge" and im ready to go on more.

Oh! and theres a guy I've liked for years and finally have the guts to approach him.

I hope my story will encourage and give hope to others who are struggling.

lots of love troubled NO MORE!

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