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Understanding feelings
July 1, 2011
9:37 am
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curious64
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If she is as caring and compassionate as you say then I am sure she would be happy to hear from you.  There is nothing offensive in your words and you express well how much she meant to you.

 

Glad to hear you are still doing so well.

I'm feeling much better and I think I may have met someone that could turn out to be very special in my life.  We are still in the talking and getting to know each other stage, but he seems pretty terrific. 

 

((((HUGS))))

July 1, 2011
10:30 am
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TroubledXYZ
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Thanks (((Curious))). after much trepadation i clicked the "send" button!

How wonderful to hear that you are feeling better and have also met someone. Very good to hear!

I have a clarinet lesson in the morning and then i'm going to civic days in a nearby town. Should be nice weather too.

Have a great holiday weekend!

with much love, Troubled

July 1, 2011
12:42 pm
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TroubledXYZ
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 I heard back from my x-therapist right away. below is her reply Laugh (I added a ps to her letter telling her my dog had recovered from his illness -Immuno Mediated Hemolytic Anemia - thus the comment about my dog)

you have no idea how absolutely wonderful it is for me to be reading this letter
I truly miss working with you
and I am so glad that you know and understand that my door is always open for your return
I am so glad that Dr. Epstein has worked to find the right combination of meds and that you are back to your blessed music
I am sad that you have let go of the art work as it was profound and amazing in what it expresses
 So so glad to hear that your dog is doing well...
And I hope that you will be able to return to individual , group and/ or retreat
you are truly missed
I will keep you updated about group and retreat moving forward
Love and Peace
Gail
July 4, 2011
2:36 pm
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curious64
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That is great.   I am sure you are feeling better now.   Hope you are having a good weekend.  Mine is so-so.  Going to post some stuff on my thread about the date.

 

HUGS!!!

July 11, 2011
5:31 am
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TroubledXYZ
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Gosh - I feel like meds saved my life. I have never felt more "normal"

Having a blast playing with the wind symphony and am considering with sticking with it in the fall.

Have been reconnecting with high school classmates on FB. Even my HS band teacher!

Just wanted to give a brief update. I hope and pray this doesnt all fall apart on me. I have been making a consious effort to live in the here and now instead of dwelling on the past and worrying about the future.

One day at a time - one moment at time

all is good

July 11, 2011
5:38 am
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curious64
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Troubled (no more) - I am so over the moon happy for you.   It is so awesome to hear how well you are doing and that you are reconnecting with friends.     You are an inspiration to those of us who are still struggling.

I have increased my meds and starting back in therapy this week.  Makes me feel good to see you suceeding at recovery.   Maybe there is hope for me yet, lol.

 

Thank you so much for stopping by to let us know how things are going.  Continuing to wish you all the best.

((((HUGS))))

July 13, 2011
5:47 am
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TroubledXYZ
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Absolutely "Troubled (no more)" 🙂 Thank you for being so happy for me! Thank you for all the encouragement and support you have given me here. Your survivor attitude was my inspiration. For so long I felt like a victim. Now, I too am a survivor.

I'm sorry the new guy didnt work out - but heres the important thing....

You allowed yourself to give it a try. and MOST important, when you felt uncomfortable you listened to your gut and stepped back. And most important of ALL, you didnt let that decision destroy your self-esteem. You can trust yourself to try again and know if it doesnt work out - it will be okay. You will be okay. You are a survivor.

Hoping your increased meds plus therapy will bring you peace and happiness.

Love, troubled NO MORE 🙂

July 13, 2011
9:24 am
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curious64
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I am so happy to think I played any part at all in your newfound success.   Being a survivor is the only thing I know how to be.   I make a lot of mistakes, I take the hard way most of the time, but I do survive in spite of it all.  I spent a lot of years being a victim to my childhood and letting that go has been great.  I plateaued for a while and now am ready to continue on in my journey of self-discovery and healing.

You are quite an inspiration to me.  You have dealt with a lot and have come so far.   i am honored to have been a part of that and to have watched you to grow and become strong again.   I'm sure there are many others who read these threads who are also inspired by your story.  You should be so very proud of yourself and how far you have come.   You did not quit, you did not give up, you stayed with it and have found success. 

I wish things with RJ would have worked out, at least for a while, but I did learn a lot from that short period of time.  Number one, is that I am not quite ready for a relationship of any kind yet.  Still have some work to do on me. Also, I learned that I can now spot a dangerous man and can walk away because I love myself enough to want better.  So, all in all, it was a great learning experience.

Gotta get back to work, but wanted to stop in and say hello.

 

Sending you a great big hug!!!

 

((((((((((HUGS))))))))

July 16, 2011
8:38 am
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free
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Hello peeps!

 

It's so wonderful to hear of all the good things.  I like the idea of living in the here and now, letting go of the past and not worrying about the future.  I have the summer off and have been working diligently in the yard.  My dream is to have some kind of tropical oasis in my own backyard.  It's coming along as was my last two in the last two houses, hopefully we won't have to ever move!  That would be horrendous now, as I do take everything with me.  My sweetheart says we're going to just have to buy this house someday so we never have to move because of the yard lol.  

 

You guys are awesome.

 

free

July 17, 2011
4:57 pm
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free/curious64/Troubled(no more),

 

Good to read wonderful and positive words from you guys. Keep it up and stay inspired and happy.

 

(((HUGS))) to all.Kiss

July 19, 2011
4:42 am
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TroubledXYZ
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Hi Ladies!!

Hope you all are doing well and keeping a positive attitude as we make our journey through life. bumps along the way are inevitible - we can let them take us down, or dust ourselves off and get back up. Lets keep on going ladies.

A tropical oasis in your own backyard - sounds fabulous!

I go see my psychiatrist today. Dont really need to but its a neccessary check in. Hopefully he will let me wait another 6 weeks before I have to go back again.

My friend came to my wind symphony rehearsal last night to take pictures. It was cool to let her see this other side of me.

Work is slow these days and I will take all the slow days I can get as the fall/winter season is crazy busy. Ive been spending more time practicing my clarinet trying to take it to the next level. ReConnecting with friends from H.S., cousins, friends from dog showing days. So weird to see these kids I havent seen since we were 17/18 all grown up with kids of their own. Sadly, one man I was looking for, with whom I did a lot of dog shows with died in a head on car crash 2 weeks ago. Very sad.

Now that I'm doing so much better emotionally, its time to work on my physical wellness. I have terrible terrible eating habits. 🙁 got to start fixing that.

Not a whole lot to say I guess. LG (Life is Good). Wish summer would never end!!!!

Love you guys, take care

Hakuna Matata ~ TroubledNM Laugh

July 20, 2011
3:40 pm
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Hakuna Matata!  I love that movie!

We were just talking about movies last night and the kids brought up Homeward Bound- the three animals finding their way home, Chance, Shadow and the cat Sassy.  chance finds a porcupine and his curiosity gets him and then "OUCH!  HE BIT ME WITH HIS BUTT!"  I just think that is so funny!

 

T I'm so glad your meds are working for you!  Life is hard enough without emotions running amok.

 

Curious, a relationship will fall into your lap when the time is right.  Just seems to work that way.

 

I know the rest of the country is baking at high temps but I live in a spot on the coast where it's continual fog and a bit gloomy.  We took off an hour south and walked for miles along the beach.  It was gorfeous, didn't find a whole lot of shells and rocks though.  some.  We had never travelled this part of the shoreline.  It was emotionally, spiritually, physically refreshing.  We've been slacking big time about going to the gym and shoot I'm paying 79 bucks a month for it, so I finally said k guys- gym membership or no gym membership?  We are going to try the spinning class tonight.  something different as the old routine became a total bore.

 

Ladies, don't be strangers!  If things are great, post!  If things suck, post!

 

hugs

July 20, 2011
4:24 pm
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nadamystery
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Hi free. Fog and gloom must be ideal. 

Troubled NM happy to hear about your progess.

July 20, 2011
5:17 pm
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TroubledNM - Free - So good to see you both posting.  I have been really, really longely lately and trying to cope with working 12 hour days for 8 hours of pay.  I'm salaried so no overtime 🙁

I would sure trade some gloom and fog for out 115 degree weather here.  We are under a heat warning.  Makes my mood very cranky.

Sure do hope I meet a man at some point that I can share my life with. Hope I'm still young enough to enjoy it, lol.

Hope you are all having a glorius week!!

 

HUGS!!!!!!!! Kiss

July 20, 2011
5:25 pm
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Hi Curious,

OH! That sounds SO hot...115 degrees...heat gets harder to take as I get older (cold too--so I guess it's the extremes that get to me).

Hope you stay safe and hydrated.

Your days are long.  Are you sleeping all right when you get home at night?

Nice to talk with you.  Come on over to my thread if you ever feel lonely and want to work on some things with somebody.  I'm lonely over there, too! 

~ gentle

August 17, 2011
4:56 am
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TroubledXYZ
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just typed a post only to have it disappear when i hit the reply button 🙁

going to try this again.......

i had been doing fantastic all summer but the last few weeks ive been struggling more and more. I'm scared that things are going to spiral out of control like last year. I have left 3 messages for my psyciatrist since last Friday asking if I can up the dose on my meds and he hasnt returned my calls! WHY WONT HE CALL ME BACK!!?? so i took it upon myself to up the dose by 1/2. its making me sleepy but thats how i felt when i first started on these meds and it eventually went away. it is also effecting my vision.

I go see my therapist tonight. Although I'm looking forward to it, I'm also feeling nervous. I havent seen her in a couple months. Hard to know where to begin when you only get an hour to get everything in.

Feeling sad and down.....hoping to hear from a couple AAC friends.

August 17, 2011
5:45 am
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TroubledNM - As my mom always tells me, "don't borrow trouble".   You may have hit a rough spot, but it does not mean that you will spiral completely down.  Keep a positive outlook and know that you have come through the worst so you can handle anything. 

Just tell your therapist how you have been feeling and also share some successes with her.  You are a very strong woman and you will weather this storm and be stronger for it. 

Seems like many people I know are going through difficult times right now, must be the way the planets are lined up, lol.  

Have a great day.   I see my therapist tomorrow so hopefully she will have some helpful suggestions for me too.

HUGS!!!

Curious Smile

August 17, 2011
10:19 am
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Curious ........Thank you for reminding me to share some of my successes too!!

 

as for now, I just keep getting more and more angry. Dr. finally called me back and he is just not nice. He sounded so put out. I answer the phone and with a blah, monotone voice he says "Dr.E......" Hi say Hi Dr.E...... and he abuptly asked "whats the issue?" Gee - I only left THREE freaking messages about "the issue".......so I tell him and there is silence on the phone. I guess he was looking at my chart but I cant see through the phone so how would I know? Then he says, youre on  30mg prozac, 2 Risperdone and I say yes....he says you can take 40 on the Prozac whens are next appointment. I tell him in 2 weeks and he says it will take that long to take effect. But the whole time he was unfriendly and so put out. I need to find a new doctor. 🙁  someone who has a bit better bedside manner. and I should feel better now that hes called me back but I just feel angry. about everything!

August 17, 2011
5:27 pm
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TroubledXYZ
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well i had therapy tonight and it helped a lot. feeling a lot better. and my therapist said she hasnt heard very good things about my psychiatrist from other clients who see him. she said its hard to find a good psychiatrist - says theyre their own breed. they dont get close to the patients. they just dish out the meds and thats it.

my therapist also helped me see how well i really am doing and the positive side of things.

feeling a lot better tonight than i have in the last 3 weeks. i will see my therapist again in a month.

Curious thanks for your support. hope your therapy tomorrow goes as well as mine did tonight.

TnmWink

August 17, 2011
6:34 pm
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I am so happy to hear that your therapy went well.  I can tell you that she is dead on about psychiatrists.   The 6 who work for us can be very odd and they don't get very close to patients.  Usually only spend 10 mins or less with them and write the scripts and lab orders.

Your therapist is right to show you the positive things.  You have come so far and you are making great progress.  Shifting focus from the bad moments to the success stories will help you have even more success.

Hopefuly my therapy goes as well.  It has been 3 weeks since I have seen her and I have been so stressed.  I did not focus on my positive affirmations like i was supposed to do. That may be part of my problem.   I did do the work on talking to the wounded child inside and I do feel like that helped.   It is kind of strange.  I feel like she went from 10 to 16.   Now I have to get her from 16 to 47, lol. 

Got to hit the bed early tonight.  We have a presentation of our electronic medical record to another facility that is considering using it.  Got to be well dressed and alert for the day.  Smile

Thanks for letting me know how it went in therapy.  Have a super day tomorrow!

August 23, 2011
12:14 pm
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TroubledXYZ
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lots of emotions running through me today. anxiety, sad, happy, I feel quiet and pensive ...like something is building.....but at the same time I feel stable and strong. i feel like my life is starting on a new path and right now i'm blind. im on it but i dont know where i am or where i'm going. im approaching something.......i cant see it yet, but i feel it.

still a bit tired from the meds but not quite as bad as a few days ago. headaches are gone. i think im finally adjusting.

August 23, 2011
12:59 pm
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Can't wait to see what is coming for you.   It sounds like you are on the cusp of something really wonderful in your life.  So glad you are sharing here so others can benefit from your success.

It is so great and so hopeful to see someone that is moving in a positive direction.   Feeling stronger and more powerful is an awesome thing.

 

HUGS!!

Smile

August 23, 2011
6:57 pm
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Hey there TNM glad to hear your head aches are gone. Go with your feelings they must be trying to tell you something important.

August 25, 2011
5:38 am
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wow - things feel odd todayConfused

August 25, 2011
1:00 pm
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You say that "things feel odd today" in what way?

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