Avatar
Please consider registering
guest
sp_LogInOut Log In
Lost password?
Advanced Search
Forum Scope


Match



Forum Options



Minimum search word length is 3 characters - maximum search word length is 84 characters
The forums are currently locked and only available for read only access
sp_TopicIcon
Uncharted teritory for me would like to hear your experience
May 17, 2007
7:30 pm
Avatar
jv63
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I have been reading alot of these threads and books on Co-dep latly. My wife and I have been on a roller coaster for some time now. we hve been married for 13 years and for the first seven i was a sober member of AA. Shame on me after 10 years of sobriety I picked up a drink. and have been trying to sober up ever since. I recognize the co dependant traits in my self as well. I also recognize them in my wife. When i get 3 mos or 6 mos or whatever into my sobriety, my wife then feels ok to unload all her pent up anger. Most of wich is completly understandable. The unfortunate dynamic here is that we have established a rotten patern that has be broken. we are trying a seperation to give me a chance to get into meetings and stay sober and her into recovery. The more I talk about codepenant behavior the more angry she gets.has anyone ever made it through and come out together. Or are we just putting off the inevitable???Please share your experience.

May 20, 2007
9:52 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

jv63, congratulations on trying to stay sober. I dated a guy who drank a lot and I we didn't make it. He wasn't willing to get help. So I think that you and your wife a doing much better in that you even recongize your codependency tendencies. I think that separating while you both stabilize and go through the program is a good thing as long as you are both committed to the process and each other. As you both get healthier, you will both learn how to express your needs and emotions in a healthier and respctful and perhaps not take each others' inventories too much. I think you are on the right track. There are no rights or wrongs on this one. All the best to you.

May 21, 2007
10:32 am
Avatar
loverbee
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

I am only 24 and I have never been married, however, I was in a six year relationship. After about three years, we realized something. We didn't fight that much at all, we had fun together but we realized something...we could spend days together just the two of us and we would never get sick of eachother. When I talked to a therapist, he said that we were codep. So we went to counseling together and made it another three years. Now that we have parted it may only be temporary but I remember he was very angry when I told him I thought we were codependent but after a while, he realized I was right. I would definitely recommend counseling though.

May 21, 2007
6:52 pm
Avatar
jv63
New Member
Members
Forum Posts: -1
Member Since:
September 24, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

Thank you for your encouragement I am feeling a little better each day. we are now at least able to hold a brief conversation and I don't feel so hurt and angry. my wife says her feelings are better after some time to reflect. Its only been a short time however and we have been able to establish at least that we are cmmited to the process and to each other and to our family. So one day at a time and i am feeling hopeful toward the future.

May 21, 2007
7:01 pm
Avatar
fantas
Member
Members
Forum Posts: 14
Member Since:
September 29, 2010
sp_UserOfflineSmall Offline

jv63, More power to you both for keeping it real. I think what you two are doing is what spiritual relationships are made of. Giving each other space to grow without the fear of loosing love.
Loverbee, I am not sure I agree with the therapist describing your relationship are codependent. From what you shared, it sounds like you guys respect each other and are comfortable with one another. Codependent relationships are where two people are incomplete without the other and do no allow for individuality and self growth. That's just my opinion:)

Forum Timezone: UTC -8
Most Users Ever Online: 349
Currently Online:
26
Guest(s)
Currently Browsing this Page:
1 Guest(s)
Top Posters:
onedaythiswillpass: 1134
zarathustra: 562
StronginHim77: 453
free: 433
2013ways: 431
curious64: 408
Member Stats:
Guest Posters: 49
Members: 111148
Moderators: 5
Admins: 3
Forum Stats:
Groups: 8
Forums: 74
Topics: 38716
Posts: 714574
Newest Members:
gegeger, mamahanisha, joachimfreunde, Deressamble, Neakey, ronaldcarter
Moderators: arochaIB: 1, devadmin: 9, Tincho: 0, Donn Gruta: 0, Germain Palacios: 0
Administrators: admin: 21, ShiningLight: 572, emily430: 29

Copyright © 2021 MH Sub I, LLC. All rights reserved.
Terms of Use | Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Health Disclaimer | Do Not Sell My Personal Information