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unable to let go
August 14, 2007
1:48 pm
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stabbedheart
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thanks for your words pookum... I know i deserve better but it's been so hard to let go.

Fantas,
Thank you for responding, but you are a bit confused about the whole story. I left my ex and we have a great relationship as friends. But the guy i'm talking about is 45 another guy. 45 is the guy that i "fell in love with" while being with my ex. 45 and i saw each other for 3 years and i was still with my ex. both at the same time. My ex knows all about it has forgiven me i broke off the relationship because i have alot of healing to do. First of all i hurt my ex,which i know didn't deserve it. But he is a wonderful man the last thing i want to do is keep hurting him.

You would have to read all my threads to understand the whole story. According to wonderful people here i'm addicted to 45 and i'm codependent which i agree. 45 has hurt me very much, used, played with me, has told me many times that he doesn't love me and yet i can't seem to be able to let go.

When i started reading your thread i was confused but i understand your confusion. About me going out that night i didn't get drunk but i did have about 2 drinks enough for me to feel a buzz and miss 45 to the point that i had to call him. ABout me leaving with another guy i made it up to see how he would react. I know i'm just playing dumb games but i have withdrawls and i do stupid things to have his attention.

Yesterday i had a bad night but hopefully it helped me, to understand why i need to move on. It had been since the beginning of june that i felt sooo depressed for him.

Today i feel alot better...

Thanks have a wonderful day....

Stabbedhearted

August 14, 2007
1:52 pm
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fantas
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Stabbed...ahhhhhhhh, I see. I got it wrong. I haven't read any of your other threads. Sounds like you are in an emotional rollercoaster right now. Been there done that. I sure hope you come out on the stabler side soon cos this can sure wear you out. Do you attend CoDa meeting?

August 17, 2007
1:05 pm
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Desert Moon
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Hi Heart,

as usual it's been a few days being able to get back to you, sorry you are struggling, but you said in your last post a couple days ago you are doing much better.
Getting over someone is like that. Anger often motivates us initially, then as the anger fades it gets harder to hold out not contacting. If the other person doesn't call, that does make it easier in a lot of ways not to call. But it's sooo hard not to call back if they initiate it. Then it's like a drug. It gets even harder to maintain the distance and not call, because once again you are getting your fix. One time is not enough, just like before. That is know in the drug world as a relapse and that is an expected part of 'recovery' But it's supposed to get a little easier and longer time between relapses until recovery is permanent.

I am guessing that is why you have been having such a hard time staying away. just try to keep your mind focused on other things. You have to force yourself to do this and it is hard, but it gets easier.

I also remember you mentioning you are a teacher? so you will be starting school soon, if you haven't already.

That is great that you can remain friends with your ex as well. Sometimes it works out better that way if it works for both of you.

Take care

DM

September 2, 2007
3:27 pm
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stabbedheart
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:27 pm
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stabbedheart
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:27 pm
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stabbedheart
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:29 pm
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stabbedheart
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:29 pm
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stabbedheart
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:30 pm
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stabbedheart
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:30 pm
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stabbedheart
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September 29, 2010
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:30 pm
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stabbedheart
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September 29, 2010
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:30 pm
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stabbedheart
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September 29, 2010
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:32 pm
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stabbedheart
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September 29, 2010
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:32 pm
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stabbedheart
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 2, 2007
3:32 pm
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stabbedheart
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it's been a while since i've been here. Honestly i didn't want to come back, but i realized i need the help and advice you guys give me. I've been struggling so much. I went back to 45 we startd seeing each other again, it's was good both times but i can't get enough i want him more and more each time i see him. He has been very clear and told me that he wants me in his life but no commintment. It's the same thing over again. He wants to keep his control over me and he's getting what he wants. THink after all he enjoys seeing me suffer. We started talking again i acted indifferent like i really didn;t care if we talked or not. When i did that he would text me and call me almost everyday. Once, i fell into his game, he stopped texting and calling. It's driving me crazy, i know i can;t go on with this but it seems harder than before to let go. I don't know what to do again.

I started work and school already. But the bad thing about that is that the school i go to is so close to where he works and spends most of the time at. So it's so hard. I'm trying again but it seems impossible, seems like i'm going to be stuck forever in this same situation that really hurts me.

September 3, 2007
9:38 pm
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stabbedheart
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i'm feeling very anxious right now. My first day with NC i made it through one day. I've kept myself busy, reminding myself each second of the reasons why i'm doing this. I just realize all the negative feelings he makes me feel. There's just so many bad things about him, he has so many issues and always tries to make it seem like i'm the sick one and the one that doesn't know what i'm talking about. But i know i'm the normal one here, yes i do have alot of emotional issues right now but that's it. I tell him what i want, i express to him the way i feel about all this situation, i tell him how much i love him but he's hurting me so much, i tell him that i want him in my life, i want it to a normal relationship, but he says i have issues that theres no need for none of that. I just feel stupid for trying to get something that's never going to happen. I feel so bad for him he;s living a really bad life and denys it all the time. It hurts to know that someone i care for so much is destroying his own life.

Overall, i saw difference when i had NC with him i didn't feel so depressed. As soon as i saw him again every single day i was sad feelin down, cuz he won't call or text or answer me. I hate that way. In this past 3 months i have done so much for myself. I threat myself to things that i want,i exercise, i started new friendships, I try to do positive things for myself and i love it. It makes me feel so good, cuz i know i have a good life and i have so many good things to give and i'm surrounded by great people. I notice that i attract guys more people see me and compliment me of how good i look after loosing a few pounds. I know i'm a great human being but he makes me feel like i'm not like i'm crazy or something. I know i don't need someone like that in my life. I need to look inside of me in find that strength that will help me move on. Show myself and him that i don't need him at all.

September 3, 2007
11:47 pm
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PleaseS top The Pain
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Heart...

My first time here and was looking through the internet just trying to find some sort of relief from the hole in my heart and I found your thread... Unable to let go... I spoke those words just hours ago. Over six 6 years in a relationship, Painfully... and I don't know if it is my fault or not but your words here " I THOUGHT I WOULDN'T MAKE IT WITH OUT HIM BEING THERE. NOW, THAT IT'S BEEN A MONTH WITHOUT SEEING HIM I FEEL GOOD. HE NEVER REALLY WANTED ME IN HIS LIFE, JUST LIKE IT HAPPEN TO YOU, HE NEVER WANTED TO COMPROMISE AT ALL.".. Describe me exactly. I am not allow now. I feel Stuck, unable to move, recover, be in touch with reality. I can't even get off the couch to go to the grocery store. This person, who said he Loved me as recent as last week can end things with me on a drop of a dime and then I run around like a lunatic texting , calling, emailing until he says the most horrible things.... didn't mean to make the about me here... I just seem to identify with your pain. I want to know what happened to me. Why I fell for this person and what is so wrong with me that he just want love back the way he said he did.
Thank you!!!

September 6, 2007
1:13 am
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katrina
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stabbedheart,
Get away from this person, go to a counselor. Don't ruin your whole life, because if you keep going back to him it will be worse each time.
I am 65 years old; I have been seeing this man since I was 39. He has been jerking me around all these years. We lived together for 2 years and then I broke up with him and asked him to move out of my apartment. He kept calling me and was so nice. He begged me to give him another chance. Finally last Jan I went out with him for his birthday. We've been together for 6 months, I thought everything was going good. All of a sudden he quit calling me and the next thing I knew I got a wedding invitation from him and some lady that he met a couple of months ago. So now I am very depressed and having a hard time get past this and I feel that I've wasted so much of my life on him. I also feel like such a fool for taking him back when I doing fine without him. I am going to see a counselor for the first time in my life, because I just get over it this time. It gets worse every time, it hurts worse each time. Save yourself!

September 6, 2007
6:41 am
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rtaylor
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Heart,

I know how you feel. My husband and I split up 6 mth ago. He has been telling me he wants to work it out all of this time and then he doesn't while all this time he has been seeing someone else. There have been times when I have seen him and had a great visit, then I call him a couple hours later and he is so mean and hangs up on me. Its like he has 2 different personalities. He use to treat me like a queen but now he acts like he does not care if I live or die. I know how hurt your feelings are but the sooner you distance yourself from this person the quicker your heart will begin to heal, at least thats what I am trying to do. I know that is scary but it we can not keep doing the same things and expect different results,

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