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unable to let go
July 9, 2007
7:23 pm
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stabbedheart
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yes, the reason why i texted was just to see if i would get a response. I know it was the stupidest thing to say about it being over, ect. I really didn't even know what to say so that's why i texted him that. Evn though i texted him i didn;t keep on with it. I don't want too. I don't know but now it's like i'm outside the box and i don't plan to go back. Writing about everything i have gone through and your feedback has really changed alot in this short period of time. Seriously, i'm ready to let go and i don't doubt it AT ALL! I know there will be slips along the way but i think it's normal i spent 3 years doing stupid things. TOday i feel happy though, i have withdrawls at times but i see some progress emotionally.

July 11, 2007
1:29 am
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marypoppins
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heart,

I'm glad you're feeling better. I agree with you that slips are normal. We got into patterns with these people, so changing those takes time. It's nice isn't it, to truly see things differently? I guess the only way to get further away, outside the box as you say, is this day by day way. A couple of weeks ago, I couldn't imagine not having this guy in my life in some way. But tonight, I realize I'm starting to feel that if I never see him or talk to him again, it would probably be okay. I was so angry at him yesterday, but today I think it's probably not helpful to dwell on that. He and I just aren't a good combination - we don't bring out the best in each other. I could analyze it a 100 different ways, but it wouldn't change a thing. Still time to keep moving forward.

Again, I'm glad you're feeling optimistic. It's nice to write it down and admit to it all. Click "send reply" and let it fly out into cyberspace.

Poppins

July 11, 2007
1:48 am
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marypoppins
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Heart,

By the way, I don't think your text message was stupid. Whether you truly felt that way about wishing him the best, I understand that after feeling you had humiliated yourself with him, you needed to say good-bye to him in a way that showed some self-esteem. Even if you hoped he'd say he was sorry and ask you to work it out with him, you STILL didn't beg him to call you or see you or give you another chance.

I'm holding onto the fact that my friend was the last one to contact me. In my last email to him, I'd regained some confidence, so compared to some of my behavior prior to that, I went out on a higher note. I don't want to lose that. That keeps me from writing him again. With every day that I don't contact him, I send a stronger message to myself that forward is the only direction to go.

Take care!

Poppins

July 11, 2007
10:50 pm
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_anonymous
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Dont beat yourself up for texting him. At this point no matter what you say or what you do will change the situation between u 2. There is no right way to end things. Did this texting that you did make you feel better, worse or the same? That is the most important thing.

July 11, 2007
11:19 pm
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stabbedheart
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MARYPOPPINS,

THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS OF SUPPRT. i WAS JUST LIKE YOU, I THOUGHT I WOULDN'T MAKE IT WITH OUT HIM BEING THERE. NOW, THAT IT'S BEEN A MONTH WITHOUT SEEING HIM I FEEL GOOD. HE NEVER REALLY WANTED ME IN HIS LIFE, JUST LIKE IT HAPPEN TO YOU, HE NEVER WANTED TO COMPROMISE AT ALL. I THOUGHT IT WOULD HARDER LETTING GO BUT HIM NOT INSISTING OR TRYING TO KEEP CONTROL OF ME HAS HELPED SO MUCH. I KNOW HE WAS READY FOR ME TO LEAVE HIM ALONE, IT WAS ME ALL THE TIME THAT DIDN'T WANT TO GIVE UP ON SOMETHING THAT WAS NEVER THERE. SERIOUSLY, I MISS HIM BUT I CAN NOT IMAGE MYSELF WITH HIM ANYMORE. I WAS TOO HURT BY HIS REJECTION, NOW THAT I CAN SEE IT ALL FROM A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW I WOULDN'T LIKE TO GO THROUGH THAT PAIN AGAIN. FROM DAY ONE I KNEW HE WASN'T FOR ME BUT I GOT SO ATTACH SO QUICKLY. I'M TAKING LITTLE BY LITTLE AND EACH DAY FEELS BETTER. WE BOTH DESERVE BETTER SO WE NEED TO STAY STRONG WE CAN DO IT!

DESTINYSTAR,

IT DIDN'T MAKE ME FEEL WORST. HE RESPONDED BUT DIDN'T SAY MUCH AND AS MUCH AS I WOULD OFF LOVED FOR HIM TO HOLD ME BACK FROM MOVING ON I KNOW IT WOULDN'T BE WORTH IT. AT THAT MOMENT I FELT LIKE, OH MY GOD WHAT DID I DO? I WAS AFRAID TO KEEP DOING IT LIKE I USED TOO, BUT I CAME HERE AND WROTE ABOUT IT AND I FELT BETTER. YALL WONDERFUL PEOPLE RESPONDED AND GAVE ME STRENGTH TO MOVE ON AND START THE NO CONTACT AGAIN SO IT'S BEEN 4 DAYS PLUS THE 19 BEFORE THAT. LIKE I SAYED NO TURNING BACK, HOPE HE DOESN'T TRY TO CONTACT ME AT ALL. IF HE DOES AND I DO ANSWER I WILL KEEP IT SHORT AND STAY FIRM TO MY DECISION. I DOUBT THAT HE WILL CONTACT ME THOUGH.

July 12, 2007
4:30 pm
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safeinside
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I know its hard I have been there. Read the book "How to heal a broken heart in 30 days" its awesome.

July 14, 2007
1:41 am
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stabbedheart
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OK, i read the definition of co-dependency and i do see myself as one. Now my question is how do i stop being one? Is it possible? Even before i knew anything about co-dependency i felt that something was not right. I feel like there is so much potetial in me to do so many things, but i have always felt that something in me is missing and holds me back from blooming. I did have a rough childhood, i've never been in a successful relationship. This guy 45 was making it worst, my self-esteem has been dragging on the floor. I feel that i send out a vibe of low self-esteem and people stay away from me. I don't have best-friends only my sister, my friendships are just for social events but i always keep them away from my personal life. I do feel like i isolate myself all the time. When i'm feeling depressed, i don't want to see or speak to anyone. I don't know if this makes any sense but i'm concious about me needing a lot of work.

I just have so many issues, but little by little i'll fill you in. For now i want to know more about co-dependency. I see it in many threads, and they do help me understand more. I havent bought the book codependent no more, but i see that a lot of you guys recommend it so i'll get it asap.

thank you everyone for being there, i feel good about this change in my life. I'm learning so much from this website.

July 14, 2007
3:44 am
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Hi heart

Well I think most of us here are wondering the same thing - how do we quit being codependent? How do we quiy socially isolating ourselves. I sure haven't found the answers, but I think it's a huge step to realize that codependency is an unhealthy coping mechanism and social skill.

I have learned a lot from this site and from AlAnon. Alcoholics have affected my life greatly, and the program is about building self-esteem, recognizing character defects (our own, not others), and re-learning self-care and self-love. So, it is an appropriate program for recovery of codependency, as is CODA. This site and that program have helped me more than anything to regain some self-esteem. I have learned so much from this website, too.

Keep coming back

SO

July 14, 2007
12:26 pm
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Desert Moon
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hi stabbedheart

It's so good to read how well you are doing! You seem to be on track in getting over this person, and I am so proud of you that you are able to do this on your own. You really do have it within yourself to get throught this.

As far as getting over codependency, my thoughts are that yes, you can get through it, but will take a lot of time, a lot of work and major changes in how you think about yourself and others. It is likely something we may have to work at the rest of our lives, but that doesn't mean we have to live like that.
Codependency is an emotional addiction of sorts, and, like alcholism, it's our security blanket. So when you take that source of comfort away (in this case, 45), you get anxious, feel lost, become obsessive and act, or want to act, impulsively. It's like your whole being goes into kind of a withdrawl state. It's just a horrible place in your mind to be. So you have to wean yourself over time while fighting the urge to go back to that source of comfort, and it's extremely painful to do this.

But once you are weaned, you can start thinking more clearly. You can learn to love yourself. This is so important, because you have to be your own best friend first, in order to attract the right people and have a healthy relationship in the first place. This takes time, however. You need lots of time TO YOURSELF. This means not having any kind of relationship during your 'recovery' period. This may mean waiting months, or even years before reaching a place where you are healthy enough to be able to pursue a new relationship.
How will you know you have reached that place? You will know when you can wake up every morning, look in the mirror and see in yourself all the qualities that make you the unique, special and loving person you are. No longer will you feel a need or look for someone to tell you this. It will be something you carry around. It will show in everything you say you do. Then, when you finally do start to seek a new realtionship, you will have the tools necessary to form a strong and healthy relationship.

But in the meanwhile, just continue taking one day at a time, think of something special to do for, or say to yourself each day. And don't look back, you are a wonderful person and deserve so much more.

Take care

DM

July 14, 2007
12:45 pm
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Desert Moon
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Stabbed,

I just read my post and I realized that although I gave you my input on what to do, I didn't really tell you how to get over codependency. I think it's different for everyone- coming to this site is a good place to start, but it's really good to have person-to-person contact as well.
Like startingover mentioned, there are lots of programs in your area for codependency. Use them! they really can help alot if you get them a try.

Also you said you were getting Codepent no more. That is also a good place to start. Take it slowly, as there is so much information. just read a few pages a day. Putting her advice into practice will also take time, just take one or two things to do first, and make it a habit before going to the next step.

July 14, 2007
1:59 pm
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marypoppins
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Hello Heart,

I was SO HAPPY to read your post. You sound better and stronger.

What you said about seeing your potential and blooming is so cool. Your optimism is a very good sign. Are you still working out? That also shows that you love yourself - maybe more than you even realize. You're doing it just for yourself now - not for that undeserving you-know-what. I also seem to remember that you mentioned not wanting to drink as a way to get through this. That also is a sign of self love.

You have helped me not to contact my "friend". Knowing you have been going through the same thing has been a source of strength for me. With friends like those guys, who needs enemies?

I see that many people have responded to your post about recovering from codependency. This is a good place to come to, isn't it?

Hope you don't mind that I addressed you "Heart". That seems to fit you well.

MPoppins

July 20, 2007
12:04 am
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stabbedheart
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THank you all for your responses... I've been doing really good, spending time with my family and thinking about my whole situation. Haven't contacted 45 anymore. i do think about him, not as much as before so that's good. I'm still working out, i really enjoy it. No partying and drinking so that's really good i'm proud of myself.

I was reading my previous threads and i realized that i make it sound like i'm really over weight and ugly. That's the way 45 made me feel he never told me those things but for some reason i felt that way. I'm average weight for my height and age and i know i'm not the most beautiful person but i am beautiful. WHat truely always matters is the inside beauty, i'm not perfect but i do believe i'm a smart, sweet, caring, sincere, dedicated, hardworking person. BUt around certain people i get so intimidated, i know it's all because of my low self-steem. I have alot to learn about myself, have to learn to love myself more and be a better person.

Pain hurts very much, i always say pain is good. From painful situations we always learn something that will eventually help us better ourselves. Each day my pain becomes less, i'm not saying that i'm through because i do have withdrawls very often but all the advice i have received here helps me get through this.

I am so thankful for finding people like u in my life. I believe in angels and every person that comes through my life is an angel that is here to help me or teach something. I'm also glad to know that my optimism of moving away from a toxic relationship, has given motivation to some of you to do the same.

THis has been a very tough year for me, but i'm starting to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Lots of changes in my life.

I DON'T MIND BEIN ADDRESSED "HEART" FITS BETTER NOW!!!!!!!!

July 21, 2007
11:26 am
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Hi Heart 🙂

I am so happy to know that you are getting through this. Look at the change in you! It's like before you were in this cage and not able to break free. Now your whole attitude reflects a beautiful, warm, caring and deserving woman!
I agree that you have to go through pain to make changes. In that sense it is certainly good for us. sometimes the pain is so bad that's we we fall back into our old patterns, because they are less painful, and familiar to us than going into new territory, which is not only painful but extremely frightning. It sounds like you are in the next step and taking care of you. If you think positively you will attract positive people, and also know which people not to be around. That is the key, I think to having healthy relationships.

You have shown remarkable courage and strength. You should be very proud of yourself. I wish you all the best. Keep up the good work! ((Heart))

DM

July 21, 2007
12:07 pm
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marypoppins
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Heart,

I agree with Desert Moon!

It was clear from your previous posts that you didn't feel beautiful and strong with 45. I'm happy to hear that you're "blooming" again. I intended to respond immediately to your post, and I'd been wondering how things were going. You have inspired me. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks with no contact for me. I didn't think I'd get through 3 days. But now I'm completely convinced of the wisdom to let go of this guy and move forward with my life. Thank you again for sharing and providing inspiration.

Take care!

Mary

July 22, 2007
8:56 pm
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stabbedheart
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I do feel stronger and more positive. But guess what? HE CALLED ME!!!!!! Around 4 in the morning my phone rang, at first i thought it would be my exbf, i had spoken to him before going to bed. He was going out and when he drinks he tends to call me. To my surprise it was 45, I didn't hesitate to answer. I wanted him to call to proove to myself that i'm strong even when he tries to come around.

I answered him half asleep... He asked how i was doing, i told him good. He said he didn't mean to wake me up, he thought i would be up. I was like ok whatever, he said that out of everyone else i just popped into his head and he decided to call. He mentioned that this wasn't the first time he thought of me, but that for some reason he had the urge to call me. I said, Really? then there was a long silence he didn't know what to say, i wasn't saying anything. Finally he said well it's 4 in da morning so i'll let you go back to sleep, i was like ok and i clicked. I felt good, and honestly i had nothing to tell him. I couldn't say anything, when we where both quiet all the thoughts of the pain that i wrote about and your advice came to mind.

So i couldn't go to sleep i was confused, i didn't know what to think about it. My inside voice was telling me not to fall for it, they are lies nothing but lies. SOOO.... That wasn't the end of it. Maybe i was wrong for doing it, but i did it. I am going to share it because i love to hear your feedback.

I texted him, tellin him that i didn't need him to call to see how i was doing. THat as long as he wasn't in my life i was always going to be more than good. That he thought i was crazy and not good enough for him, so to move on with his life and not to bother me again. He responded that he was always goin to check on his people to see how they were doing. I told him that i wasn't his people, didn't need him to check on me. That he was never going to hear from me again. So he textd back and said "I just want you to know that when ever you're ready i want to see you".... HAHAHA, what is he thinking i laughed. I KNOW he's trying to pull me into his game again but i'll show him that i mean it when i say NEVER... I didn't textd back and won't.

I'm not going to lie that's all i've been thinking about but i find no true reason to see him. It would be more pain, i don't need it. I wouldn't be able to be there with him knowing that he's playing with me. Like, i mentioned before now i see things so different. I want to be happy. Happiness is something i will never have if i choose to play along with him.

DM and marypoppins thanks for always reading my threads... I would like to know more about your story... What's the name of your threads if you guys don't mind me asking...

July 23, 2007
1:08 am
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Desert Moon
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Hi Heart,

You handled yourself really well, it shows how far you've come, from being obsessed to hardly bothering to give him the time of day! What a change. I know, however, you will continue to feel confused when he does things like calling you, which threw you for a loop, that's for sure, but you seem to know that you won't have any problem getting away from this guy in the end. Is it possible that he may try to pursue you now that you are done with him? That may be something down the road that will test your determination.
Also, you said your exbf still calls you sometimes. Do you still have feelings for him? Is he someone that you might consider getting back with after you have healed from being with 45? He seemed like a really good person who cares for you alot.

Well, anyway, I think that is nice he is able to keep in touch, I was wondering how you feel about that.

And I was wondering - how much happier are you now compared to a month ago when you decided you weren't going to contact 45 anymore?

I didn't have my own thread until yeasterday. I started My ex husband just assaulted me as a way of getting through a serious confrontation with him, in which he physically struck me in the head and I had to call the police. I have also been on sad sack's thread Broken hearted and I need help, getting alot of advice from her about codependency issues.

It was good hearing from you, Heart, take care and have a great evening.

DM

July 31, 2007
11:54 pm
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stabbedheart
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hi DM,

I'm sorry to hear about what happend with your exh, hope things are better and that you do whatever you need to keep your daughter and yourself safe.

Well i haven't been on for a few days maybe weeks i don't know, but i been doing BAD!!!!!! After 45's call, i got way off my focus. I've been contacting him, but it's been pretty much about express the anger i feel. I have been indifferent he even said that i was being a "bitch". I feel that i'm just playing a game, i want his attention, i want him to answer me. For some reason i want to proof to him that he lost someone good. BLAH BLAH BLAH.... I know i have no business telling him anything, but i feel so confused. I want to run back with him, KNOWING he is NO GOOD for me. KNOWING that he DOESN'T CARE... It's frustrating, i guess i irritated him and he said i was fake about myself.

I did realize that all this time what i have really missed is the pain he makes me feel. I felt it when i texted him, the way he answers me hurts me. WHen i felt that pain i told myslef this is what you miss you don't needs this...

NEWAYS ANswering your question bout him pursueing me NOOOO he won't I KNOW IT. HE WON'T. It's just me that can't accept that he has no feelings towards me after all the time we spent together. I'm just so stuck with that I'm in denial about him not loving me. I feel stupid for showing him that i still think about him and that i care... That's what hurts me now that i'm so stupid and can't let go of something i never had.

Well n about my ex. we keep in touch. After a month of our break up he sent me flowers and i called him to thank him, and him not to do it again. We talk of what had happened the reason why i choose to leave the relationdship. He always wanted answer and i couldn't give them to him. I didn't want to talk about it with him. I didn't know how much to say, besides i know he wont understand or accept the fact that i thought i was in love with someone else. THat i felt that the love i once felt for him was gone. There's still so much unsaid. I don't know many things myself. I don't know what i feel for him, therefore, i don't know if we'll ever get back together again. He is a great guy, to me he is the greastest guy he will never do anything to hurt me. He loves unconditionally, the list goes on and on. I don't know what went wrong.

When i met 45 i had been with my ex for about 3 years, our relationship was great the first 2 years. AFter that i felt bored, We started dating our senior year in high school went to half of college together, we spent almost everyday together, i never went out with friends didn't even talk to anyone. My life was family, school, work and my bf. I started mentioning to him about my boredem, we would argue about little things. Then i met 45, i felt different something new, new feelings. We started seeing each other had sex, i loved it. Six months later i thought i was so in love with 45. Sex between my ex and i became scarce. Once a month, once evry 2 months sometimes lasted 3-4 months with out any sex. After those 6 months wasn't having sex with 45 but i still didn't like being intimate with my ex. Till the last day of our relationship i had a hard time when having sex with him. I didn't like it, i didn't want it. HE felt it too, but he loved me so much he went on. I don't know it became so ackward even when i tried enjoyin it i couldn't. 45 was always in my mind.

I'm very confused about any possibility of going back with my ex. I try not to think about it, i care for him i don't want to loose such a great guy. But i don't want keep him waiting for something that might never happen again. He said he would wait, i told him that it was up to him but that i didn't know what was going to happen.

Right now i hate guys i even say almost everyday that i'm never getting married. It's not just the guys it's us the girls too sometimes. So i don't want to hurt any one nor get hurt myself. I have alot of healing to do and I just want to be by myself. Sometimes i do need someone by my side. I wanna feel wanted and loved but for now i need to stay by myself. I need all the time i can have to be happy on my own...

I'm starting over my no contact today i need support and luck....

August 5, 2007
4:12 pm
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Desert Moon
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Hi heart

I am sorry it's taken me so long to respond, been out of town pretty much the whole week. Hope you didn't think I was ignoring you.

It's hard to maintain the no contact thing, we get so connected to someone, even if it's unhealthy, so we relapse, sometimes over and over, in fact, relapse is part of what defines an addiction, so this is a normal setback. As you recover, though, the relapses become fewer and fewer, until they stop altogether. At least that is the idea. I hope that is what works for you. I wish you continued luck on sticking with the no contact. Don't beat yourself up for 'failing' (i'm not saying you did, just the way you may see it) just see if you can go longer the second time around. Then hopefully it will get easier. But you did great, and you can do it again!

Your exbf sounds like a wonderful person who loves you alot, but if you are bored with him, maybe you get along better as a friend than as a boyfriend. But if he is willing to wait for you it's also not fair to keep him hanging if you know in your heart you cannot give him the love he deserves to have from a mate, and maybe that is something you should really make clear to him if that is really the case.

From what I have read, it sounds like you are hooked on the excitement and drama of the 'chase.' In other words, 45 kept things stirred up, even if it caused you so much despire, it is still a type of drama, and maybe that is what you are seeking. When somebody is there and gives you everything then you are bored, because maybe there is no thrill of having to gain this person's attention. Maybe that is off base, but if there is some truth in that it might give you some insight as why you prefer 45's attention over your exbf. For that reason it probably is best you don't date anybody for a while until you can be true to the person who really deserves it - and that is you.

Keep posting. Again sorry it took so long. Hope you have been able to stick to your no contact policy the past week.

Take care

DM

August 9, 2007
12:23 am
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stabbedheart
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Thanks DM for responding, hope you had a good trip. Yes, you are right i didn't have enough drama/excitement with my ex. I was everything to him, all his attention was just for me. Which i really did love but, it got to the point where it got boring. He is not a guy the will argue, what i ever i want or say goes. Yeah, who doesn't like that but then there's not excitement. I would never anything new with him because i knew he would do absolutely everything for me. With this whole situation i have realized that he is not the guy for me. I want someone with a stronger character, my ex is a super romantic, loving, sentitive guy. It's just weird how he has all the quality that any girl would love in a guy, yet he lacks the strong side that us women like. It's so hard to let of him because he is such a great guy. He deserves someone that will really value what he has to offer. To be honest right now the thought of him being with someone else, really kills because i know i let go something that's so hard to find now days. But i don't want to hurt him at all anymore. I always considerd him my best friend and i still do and hopefully our friendship can last a long time.

About my no contact, well last week i still had contact with 45. Saturday night was the last time, i went on a girls night out and had a few drinks. Enough to give me the courage to call him, we were texting he was also out at a club. We texted each other back and forth. We talked about how we missed each other he wanted to meet up. So after the club i called him and no answer. Then he texted saying there was nothing to say between us. So i was like ok, I texted him telling him that i was out about to meet up with this other guy. He didn't textd back till like 30 mins later, asking me to talk to him. I didn't respond and still havn't.

I know i'm going to keep going back and forth, after him telling there was nothing to say i was like "what are you doing again?" So it's been 4 days and i'm keeping busy working, and going to the gym. In two weeks i'll be back to my regular job at the school district and in 3 weeks i'll be back taking classes so i'll be pretty busy. My goal is to focus in school and finish in a 1year 1/2 so i gotta focus... Think this a great time to get him out of my life. IT's going to take time but I CAN DO IT...

DAY BY DAY!

I haven't seen him for 2 months so that's a big plus, i'm happy for that.

Sorry for making this to long and but i really don't have time to write evryday and when i do i have so much to say. DM, about you not answering right away it's fine, i know we are all busy people, but i really appreciate you taking the time to read my threads and respond. Like i mentioned before you always have the perfect words to say. All you advice and encouragement has really help me alot. I'm really working on getting to know and to love myself more.

Thanks and Take care...

August 11, 2007
1:34 pm
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stabbedheart
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Right now i feel like this is never going to end. I want to see him so much... I know he is willing to but i also know he's just going to take advantage and use me. I've been keepin myself really busy all week. BUt i feel lonely, I really feel that i need a guy in my life. It's just so hard since i was in a relationship for over 5 years plus i had 45. It seem that i'm so lonely, i want someone to hug and do sweet things for me. I feel very negative because i don't get feed back in here any more. I'm just not feeling good at all today. I don't know what to do anymore, i did 5 days without contact but i contacted him last night. He is such an asshole and i'm starting to feel like i'm being a bitch... I don't like that...

August 11, 2007
2:02 pm
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Desert Moon
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Heart,

Don't give up on this site, people usually are good at responding, I think what happens alot is that somtimes these threads get 'buried' by newer posts, and if you write only once or twice a week, you tend to get fewer responses. Just keep posting, and if you specifically ask for input, there is usually no shortage of responses!

I am sorry you are having such a difficult time these days. Have you read Co-Dependent no More? I think it's by Melody Beatty? That can be helpful. That may help you gain insight into how to break the cycle.

I will check in with you later, but have to go for now. I just posted on 'Broken Hearted' Read it and you will see that sad and I have been through much the same things you are going through, even though our circumstances are different than yours.

Take Care

DM

August 12, 2007
2:27 am
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marypoppins
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Hi Heart,
It's not easy, is it? But give yourself some credit for striving for a healthier way. Desert Moon suggested you read Codependent No More. I agree. You will find comfort in that book and a lot you can identify with. After I survived the month of no contact with my long distance ex-friend/boyfriend, I had the courage to face my unhappy marriage and let go of my husband. I asked him to move out, and he's doing so next week. 16 years on and off with him. Finally, I said enough, and although I'm nervous about being without a man and handling things financially on my own, I don't want to stay in a relationship that's costing me my self-esteem. Once I made the decision, I immediately felt some relief and a boost in my confidence. I'm 45. I think you're probably much younger than I am. It would be great for you to learn now that you deserve to be treated well. As long as you remain involved with someone who can't meet your needs, you're not available to someone who can. You must believe, however, that no relationship is better than a shitty one (sorry for the language).

Sometimes, I only manage to read this board. I don't post much if at all. It's nice to get a response, but don't take it personally if you don't. Just getting your thoughts out is still good.

All the best to you!

Mary

August 14, 2007
2:26 am
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stabbedheart
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i'm here again feeling like day one. So hurt, i can't believe that this is not over. I have tried my hardest since day one and i'm stil stuck. Why did god have to send to my life the worst guy in the world. DO i deserve this, while i'm here dying of love for him he is with another girl. I hate feeling this i can't control it and i hate it. I have done everything, i've given up so much for him n it means absolutely nothing to him it seems like i don't even exist. I can't believe that i feel that my whole entired life sucks just because he never loved me how could he play with me this way. I always told him not to play with me. I told him that if he didn't feel anything for me to get away and he never did. I feel stupid so stupid for not being strong enough to leave this situation.He wants nothing to do with me he told me and i'm still instisting what is wrong with me. It feels like im a sick person right now to be honest i don't want an advice i don't want anyhting because i know it already. Yes, i know it but it's hard to do it. I cant i'm too weak to even try. I don't want too.

August 14, 2007
7:05 am
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pookum
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you deserve some one who will be good for you and you need to continue school, feel ok about your self i believe you will meet someone who will give you the relationship you deserve just hang in there

August 14, 2007
9:15 am
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fantas
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Stabbeheart,

Let me see if I get the gist of this, You have this guy who loved you and practically did everything you wanted him to, but it ot boring because he wouldn't argue with you. All this was boring so you ended it with him in search for a stroner character. You maintained no contact for a week, got drunk on saturday, text him, wanted him to meet with you, he wouldn't, you then text and told that you were about to go home with some guy which he then replied to and you didn't bother responding. Now you are upset because he has a new girlfriend and he doesn't want to be with you. You feel he didn't love you and that he is the one playing with you...

I had to write that down just to see if I got it all there. It seems to me you are the one playing and yanking this man's chain and he is refusing to respond. It seems like you finally want to create the drama you were missing with him in your relationship. The problem is, he is not going along with you. It looks like you are the only one playing this game.

By your own words, you acknowledge

"my ex is a super romantic, loving, sentitive guy. It's just weird how he has all the quality that any girl would love in a guy, yet he lacks the strong side that us women like. It's so hard to let of him because he is such a great guy. He deserves someone that will really value what he has to offer."

However, you did let him go by dumping him. Now you need to stop hurting his pride further by constantly contacting him. These boards are filled with stories of women with men who treat us the same way you are treating him. We encourage each other to work on our self esteem and not to pickup the phone because we will be back on the same rollercoaster. And then we proceed to call these men all kinds of four letter words:)

You did the right thing to release your ex because he wasn't the right one for you and now you need to wish him well on this new journey you sent him on.

I hope that doesn't come off too strong. Keep us posted.

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